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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner wants to go camping 6 days after dd2 is born

174 replies

tbear101 · 22/07/2018 17:01

He has been invited on a night out to go camping, about an hour away. He hasn't even told his friends that his partner is due another baby and so won't be able to go Angry aibu?

OP posts:
gottastopeatingchocolate · 22/07/2018 17:52

Fair enough, OP.

Tinkobell · 22/07/2018 17:52

I think if he doesn't drop it like a hot brick, tell him to take your older child with you and Stop for a few nights camping ...don't rush back at all.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/07/2018 17:54

God I would hate camping with a newborn and in pain from the c section what a nightmare. Normally I would tell you to insist that you come too, but not in these circumstances.

Very dishonest of him op, sounds like he is hiding something.

Original poster
tbear101 · 22/07/2018 17:56

We are both 24.
As someone else said I think it could be a longing for his old life but to go along with it is just stupid imo and he's gonna look the bad guy when he tells them last minute that he can't go, what is even the point. Unless he's hoping I'm still in hospital and he can palm the kids of elsewhere and go

OP posts:
LeftRightCentre · 22/07/2018 17:58

I don't understand how you put up with a person like this. Sounds like he doesn't care much about you and his kids. Looking nuts would be the least of my worries. I'd message them all - in case he hasn't told you, I'm expecting our child who will be born by c-section on X. No idea why he hasn't told you all or thinks it's acceptable to go away on a piss up 6 days after his kid is born, but well, only an arsehole would do that, right.

PositiveVibez · 22/07/2018 17:59

He sounds really strange. Do you have a relationship with his family at all?

Original poster
tbear101 · 22/07/2018 18:00

Not really as we don't see them often, his dad I would say I'm the closest to

OP posts:
autumnboys · 22/07/2018 18:03

I imagine he’s thinking that he’ll be on paternity leave, so what does it matter if he ducks out for a day or so.

I know it doesn’t look great on you that you’ve read his messages, but I think you’re going to have to tackle it, or it will hang over you until the day has been and gone. It does sound to me as though he is planning on going.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 22/07/2018 18:10

Ask him why he hasn’t told his friends he is having another child. Is he usually a bit odd or just an immature idiot?

CaledonianQueen · 22/07/2018 18:12

I am horrified that your f would leave you and his new baby, likely when you are both just home from hospital, you having just gone through major surgery! That is so low that he would make asshole look like a term of endearment!

I would be concerned that he may be having an affair with one of his female friends! How has he been recently? Attached to his phone? Always working late without much increase in money? Did you look at all of his messages?

StaplesCorner · 22/07/2018 18:14

OP I think you both sound immature. You both need to be at home to take care of the children. End of story. No camping.

Either he tells them tonight or you do.

KateGrey · 22/07/2018 18:16

Christ he sounds so young and whilst I understand that maybe being 24 and having kids is a big tie when so young but he chose that and he needs to stand up and say to his friends he can’t go and why. You’re having surgery. It’s not acceptable to just disappear.

InfiniteVariety · 22/07/2018 18:17

we've been engaged for a year so think it's pretty serious

I really don't understand this OP - surely having a baby together is much much more serious than being engaged? And when you look at his attitude to that as a measure of commitment, he's not doing well, is he?

Together with the secrecy, it feels as if something is really wrong here

Raffles1981 · 22/07/2018 18:18

I'm with everyone else OP, how the hell can they all be FB friends, txt back and forth about camping but not know you are due. This is so strange. No to the camping and if he does go, tell him to think about what he really wants while away. This guy sounds like he doesn't commit, doesn't really care and doesn't want another baby.

AnyFucker · 22/07/2018 18:19

But you are "allowing him to go" because you seem strangely reluctant to wipe the fucking floor with him

Raffles1981 · 22/07/2018 18:19

Oh and you are having major abdominal surgery. Does he bloody realise how serious this is???!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 22/07/2018 18:23

I had a section and if my partner had wanted to go away 6 days later, I'd have lost my fucking shit.

InfiniteVariety · 22/07/2018 18:23

You say the baby you're soon having is his 2nd child and your 3rd.
Is his first child yours also or is that a baby he had with a previous partner and if so, in what circumstances did that relationship end?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 22/07/2018 18:24

Oh and I felt like shit after, I couldnt even sleep in my own bed for 2 weeks. No lifting, no driving. It was crap.

Original poster
tbear101 · 22/07/2018 18:29

How on earth do I sound immature? I am planning on being at home with my children Confused
His first daughter is also my daughter

OP posts:
Branleuse · 22/07/2018 18:31

Id be issuing an ultimatum. You will need someone with you at 6days post section, plus hes lying

Anasnake · 22/07/2018 18:31

Why is he hiding you op ? Why are you not kicking off about this ? Are you scared of losing him ?

Tistheseason17 · 22/07/2018 18:33

He is not behaving like he cares about you or your children, sorry

AnyFucker · 22/07/2018 18:34

Let's not (at least partially) blame op for the actions of her "partner"

LostNAlone · 22/07/2018 18:36

Very odd. Id not be able to keep quiet even if it got me into trouble for seeing the messages