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AIBU?

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Original poster

Partner wants to go camping 6 days after dd2 is born

174 replies

tbear101 · 22/07/2018 17:01

He has been invited on a night out to go camping, about an hour away. He hasn't even told his friends that his partner is due another baby and so won't be able to go Angry aibu?

OP posts:
MumW · 22/07/2018 17:27

Bloody hell, what is he thinking.

There is no way he can leave you 6 days after major surgery, let alone with a newborn and other children to look after.

mumsastudent · 22/07/2018 17:28

no - sarcasm - op has other dc - would def cramp style of boys weekend! even if op has planned caesarean there is no way she could guarantee being home in 6 days let alone be able to carry & look after dd1 and baby dd2

AnyFucker · 22/07/2018 17:28

Weird behaviour from him

It's like he is ashamed of you and the baby. Or he has a big something to hide.

Are his mates (and by association him) of the dickhead variety that would slag him for pandering to 'er indoors ?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/07/2018 17:28

I'd be having his phone off him and messaging them for him since he seems so incapable of doing it himself!
"Sorry, won't be able to come, partner will be home recovering from C-section with brand new baby and rest of kids to deal with"

Jeez, the hide of some people.
And YES I would consider "relationship over" if he actually went!!

Original poster
tbear101 · 22/07/2018 17:28

I think there is 4 girls going, one of who is in a long term relationship with the guy whose birthday it is.
Then there's about 6 guys going, 7 including him.
Strangely enough the other guys are single

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/07/2018 17:30

You keep saying stuff that puts him in a worse and worse light

Whst the hell are you doing with a bloke like this ?

OlennasWimple · 22/07/2018 17:31

I've got a friend like this. He will commit to going to things, buy a ticket, arrange transport etc, but then right at the last moment something will "suddenly" come up and he'll message to say that he won't be able to make it. It's now got to the stage where it's a joke between the wider group of friends as to how late he will leave it to tell us, and what his excuse will be this time.

I have no idea why he does it - a general reluctance to face up to childcare responsibilities, a longing for his old life, and a fear of his wife, I think.

user7680 · 22/07/2018 17:35

The answer is NO he can’t go

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/07/2018 17:36

I’m a bit lost for words on this one. If he had made plans for your other children to be elsewhere and he set you up with food etc and someone to come over and help, I could perhaps understand him being ok to leave you for a night - I say this as someone, who has recently had a very long midline hysterectomy so get the surgery.

Even so, it’s pretty grim to leave you with a newborn? No way would my dh have done this to me. You’d need tons of things in place just for him to go on a jolly.

I think it’s a bit drastic to say you’re relationships over if he goes if this type of bizarre behaviour is a one off. It’s sounding as if there’s a back story here.

EdWinchester · 22/07/2018 17:36

Well, he sounds mature and committed.

Why are you with him?

Poodletip · 22/07/2018 17:36

Post a gushing message on his FB page about how he's missing out on stuff to support you when you need him after the baby arrives. Really lay it on thick. He'd look terrible to his friends then if he said that actually no he wasn't.

More seriously, him not mentioning the baby to his female friends he's going camping with would have me deeply suspicious Hmm. Sorry.

timeisnotaline · 22/07/2018 17:36

Message them yourself from his phone .He said he’d already told them so you’re helping him not lie to you.

SoShinySoChrome · 22/07/2018 17:37

I would not be able to enjoy camping with a friend who has left a partner and new baby home alone. I would reconsider my friendship with them.

Doingreat · 22/07/2018 17:39

Why aren't you as his pregnant partner having this conversation with him? Is he a bit dim? Is he hoping you'll be happy with him going on this trip and he will talk you round? Will he never tell these friends about the baby? Is this his first baby? Do they know he's in a relationship?

Sorry for the long list of questions. Your post raises more questions than it answers.. i find this situation really baffling and strange.

I think there are serious red flags you are choosing to ignore. He's keeping you a secret. He didn't want his family to know.

He's treating you with utter disrespect. He's not fully committed to you.

Anasnake · 22/07/2018 17:41

How old are you ???

Pippylou · 22/07/2018 17:41

Is he still single in his head?

Sounds like a massive piss-up/shagfest if everyone else is single?

Has he explained anything to you about this?

Original poster
tbear101 · 22/07/2018 17:42

I don't know if his friends know about me but as I'm on his profile picture with him I should think it's obvious.
His family know now but he was reluctant to tell them until 25 w.
We've been engaged for a year so think it's pretty serious. No this is his second child, my 3rd

OP posts:
jannier · 22/07/2018 17:43

If there his face book friends I think I would post a message on his page saying how much I'm looking forward to the arrival of baby on the ......and sharing the experience with him, and just as well he's booked x days off at home as its a c section means no lifting etc. Will happily have visitors after x date.

madcatladyforever · 22/07/2018 17:45

Christ! i thought for a moment there he was going to take you camping as well. let the idiot go, you and your baby can enjoy quality time together.

SluttyButty · 22/07/2018 17:46

What kind of partner and father thinks this is acceptable, even with a normal delivery it's completely not on let alone a section!

I would be beyond furious at such thoughtless actions and would be questioning my future with him (and I don't say things like this lightly either).

From someone who had a section and my total arsewipe of an ex didn't help me at all, I had other children. Well overdid it and ended up with an infection and feeling quite poorly. You need support in the days/weeks after having major surgery and that's before adding a newborn/other children in, not some idiot who thinks that a booze bender with mates takes priority!

gottastopeatingchocolate · 22/07/2018 17:47

I think I am missing something - if you said "oh, that'll be nice if you go", you can't then dump him for going?!
I think you need to be up front and say that you need him to be at home.

Tinkobell · 22/07/2018 17:48

He needs to grow up like a big boy and say no to his little friends and stop causing you Pre-birth anxiety. What a tw#t he is!

Original poster
tbear101 · 22/07/2018 17:48

These messages are being sent over FB messenger so yeah they are FB friends.
I genuinely don't understand it, I know I should be having this conversation with him but then I'll need to mention that I seen the messsges he told them about getting a taxi which doesn't look good on me

OP posts:
Original poster
tbear101 · 22/07/2018 17:50

@gottastop I had said that before he mentioned it was 6 days after the section. And before I knew it was over night camping, a night out I could have managed with but certainly not gonna allow him to swan off in the middle of nowhere

OP posts:
queenrollo · 22/07/2018 17:50

gottastopeatingchocolate she said it would be nice for him to go when she thought it was just one night out with his friends.