To think it's too young to be left for hours?

[WhoWants2Know]

I have 2 DDs, 8 and 10. They are with their dad this weekend so I can work. 10 messaged me this morning to say that she and her dad had gone out shopping yesterday, leaving 8 at home to look after the dogs. (A pair of 7 month old, medium sized, Romanian rescue dogs)

I have told him previously that 8 is too young to leave alone, and am only just starting to leave 10 at home for short trips. As far as he's concerned, I should do away with the childminder over the summer and the girls can stay home and look after the dogs. He is determined that I am just overprotective.

This isn't about dog hating. I help out with the dogs when I can so that the girls can grow up with pets. BUT they are high energy and can easily jump all over and scratch up an adult, let alone a child. They can also snarl a bit over favourite toys.

I get that exh grew up in a generation where kids were largely left to it, and his upbringing was more neglectful than most. (Actually removed from the home by SS at one point)

So AIBU to say it's too young and how do I get him to stop doing it?

Please tell me the dogs are in cages or at least shut in a different room. Why does he think that the dogs need looking after but not his DC?

I’m possibly from a different generation (50) but I’ve just started tolet my 10 year old be alone, I’ve been out for 10 minutes once. I would never leave her with a dog either.

8 is too young to be left alone...dogs or no dogs.

8 is too young to be left at home unless it was just for a very short time. 8 year olds should never be left at home with dogs.

8 is far too young to be left alone. Adding the dogs to the picture is downright horrifying.

Er, no, I have dogs, a soft breed but I supervise with kids at all times.

Rescue puppies in a pack with toy aggression, just no...real issues brewing here.

8 yo, no, don't think so, regardless of the dog situation.

Way too young.

And he thinks two children can spend their summer holidays stuck at home alone looking after his dogs.. Jesus.

8 is too young to be left alone, especially with unpredictable dogs. 10 is the youngest I would leave a child alone, initially for short periods and building up ready for starting High School at 11.

8 is too young without the dogs, I wouldn't leave a child under 16 with 2 newish rescue dogs.

I do feel that 8 is too young to be at home alone, even without the added responsibility of 2 bouncy dogs.

No, they are not in cages or in a separate room. He seems desperate that the dogs not be left alone wherever possible, possibly because they are young and destructive when unattended. They tend to chew up all the furniture.

Please don't mention dogs on MN. The majority think dogs are about to attack at any moment.
However, 8 is a bit young to be left alone for too long. My 9 year old is allowed to stay home (with our dogs) but literally only five minutes at a time, but this happens rarely.

I know lots of 8 year olds, I’m not sure id leave any of them home alone for more than a few minutes (like 10 or less), plenty I wouldn’t even do that. I definitely wouldn’t leave any of them home alone with two young rescue dogs! I love dogs, but rescue pups with unknown backgrounds are more unpredictable than most!

Have left a just-turned-9 at home alone for 20 minutes whilst I walked the dog ... but I would never leave a child or that age alone with a dog. Let alone 2 badly trained ones. Ours is the softest sweetest thing, but she is a dog - it ramps up the potential for something unexpected happening.

I’d be really really really unhappy about their father’s plan for summer, to the point of restricting access.

Are you seperated?

If so I wouldn't be allowing my kids to go there again unless I had written agreement that he would not leave them alone. The dogs thing is just ridiculous. He's an idiot.

Holy cow. 8 is way too young to be left alone for hours -- and I say that as someone with a very sensible 8 year old.

As for the two Romanian rescue dogs? That is definite trouble brewing. God knows what start they had in life...and two of them together could easily "pack together" and gang up on the child. This is a definite NO situation.

I'm not a dog hater either, I have two and I trust them to be unsupervised with my child. But they are not high energy rescues and she knows exactly how to act around dogs.

Maybe I should have avoided mentioning the dogs because I know that it could derail things. But it one of the reasons for my concern and also the reason he keeps leaving one child at the house. (He's left 10 several times)

I do know some of the dogs background. They were littermates abandoned in the snow at 3 weeks old (so separated from Mum too early) and had 2 fosters before he got them at Easter.

What Prawn says. Sod the furniture, never ever leave a small child alone with dogs.
This is a social-services-scale issue that needs resolving, your ex is an idiot.

The thing is, he's not listening to me when I say it's unacceptable. But I don't feel like it's something urgent enough that social services would be interested, given their workload.

Not sure how you are going to get him to stop doing it, maybe show him this thread?

If he’s convinced himself he’s right and you are wrong, it may be a hard battle. I think you may have to stand your ground and say that if he has the DC he doesn’t leave them alone, especially a.one with the dogs or he doesn’t see them. What he’s doing now isn’t just neglect, it’s setting up a potentially very dangerous situation.

The RSPCA have six golden rules for keeping children safe and dogs happy. The first rule is to never leave your child in a room alone with a dog, even your own dog. The law on leaving children alone doesn’t give an age but says you shouldn’t leave them if they’ll be at risk. I’m not legally trained but it seems to me that he’s leaving your DD with two very clear and present risks.

X-post with seniorschoolmum.

Do you think social services would intervene and tell him to stop it? Otherwise, I'm left not allowing them over there while I'm working in case he buggers off. I'd have to take a lot of annual leave.

8 is too young to be left alone. The dogs are relevant as hes making your child take responsibility for the dogs behaviour as well as looking after herself. I’d be really worried about the dogs especially as he’s only had them since Easter. I think it’s an extremely dangerous situation.

8 is way too young to be left alone, let alone with dogs! You need to report him

I think he's mostly just a misogynist, so he's not going to listen to me. I must be overdramatising because female.

Please don't mention dogs on MN. The majority think dogs are about to attack at any moment. I’m not in the majority then. I think there’s a huge difference between taking sensible precautions, like following the RSPCA’s own recommendation not to leave children and dogs alone and living in fear.

As I said above, I'm a dog person.

There are plenty of mums here to advise on the child (tho agree she's too young) but tbh, he's not looking after the dogs well either. If they are chewing and aggressive, he's leaving them alone too long and not training them properly.

Will he get cross if she can't keep them from chewing?

Add in the poor start, the size, assume not small, etc. I've got a friend who adopted similar and she's struggling and I know her to be very competent in things she does.

He won't see the issue if he grew up in an abusive environment, I don't envy you dealing with this.

Yes, social services may well intervene. Bear in mind their intervention wouldn't be confined to him, they would also be looking into you and why you let your children go there knowing this is going to happen. Hard as it is, you need to tell him that if he plans on leaving your children on their own for long stretches of time, with or without the dogs, they can't go there.