To think it's too young to be left for hours?

[WhoWants2Know]

I have 2 DDs, 8 and 10. They are with their dad this weekend so I can work. 10 messaged me this morning to say that she and her dad had gone out shopping yesterday, leaving 8 at home to look after the dogs. (A pair of 7 month old, medium sized, Romanian rescue dogs)

I have told him previously that 8 is too young to leave alone, and am only just starting to leave 10 at home for short trips. As far as he's concerned, I should do away with the childminder over the summer and the girls can stay home and look after the dogs. He is determined that I am just overprotective.

This isn't about dog hating. I help out with the dogs when I can so that the girls can grow up with pets. BUT they are high energy and can easily jump all over and scratch up an adult, let alone a child. They can also snarl a bit over favourite toys.

I get that exh grew up in a generation where kids were largely left to it, and his upbringing was more neglectful than most. (Actually removed from the home by SS at one point)

So AIBU to say it's too young and how do I get him to stop doing it?

tanyavt it is not illegal, that's fiction.

tanyavt www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone - the government website states that "children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time " and that babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone.

It is absolutely not illegal to leave a ten year old for an hour in a situation that will not put them at risk.

Problems occur when people don't prepare kids gradually over time, putting rules in place and guiding children, with slow drip drip of introducing rules, talking about scenarios and letting children stay home alone for 10- 20 minutes while parent pops to the post box/ neighbor at first, then after 6 months or more of that being done regularly and rules about what to do if xyz being part of the conversation, practising using the land line, rehearsing which neighbors to go to for help, where the spare door key is, what to do if the fire alarm or smoke detector goes off, what to do if the phone rings or someone comes to the door, leave the child for 45 minutes, later an hour, to go to the shop which should be perfectly feasible by 10.

Obviously if you drop your kid in at the deep end or leave them with dogs, you're putting them at risk.

Why do people apologise for long posts. It's ridilcous. It was all relevant tanyavt.

Because they are polite and concerned?

OP, call the police on 101 and ask them what they think. You don't have to give your name. Then decide what to do.

I wouldn’t leave her, with or without the dogs.

My eldest is nearly 8 and I’m almost certain I could leave her for a couple of hours but I wouldn’t because i’m Almost certain, not completely certain.

Polite about what? Concerned about what?

Post what you like. People will decide whether to read every word.

8 is definitely too young to be left home alone for any length of time and I would only leave the 10 yr old at home if I was nipping to the corner shop if it was a couple of minutes away. If there was an incident at home such as a fire or something, then they wouldn't cope and shouldn't have to imo.

Because sometimes it's nice to be aware of other people and not just yourself.

Sounds to me like dad just wants a free dog sitter .

Have your daughters picked up on this?

I am not of the opinion that every dog will maul a child but there is a risk. It is not even that daughters have grown up with dogs. Daughters may be in a situation they are not mature enough to handle.

I would never have a rescue dog with children, who knows why they were rescued and what temperament they have, or their actual breeding in some cases.

A child of 8 is too young to leave alone, tell their dad he was removed for such neglect. You have no other choice than to refer to ss if he continues, or you'll give up work as he is incapable of parenting.
Tht should mke him think, what a dick.

DD is nearly 8 and I leave her alone when I pop to the shop over the road for 2 mins. No longer than that. She'd get upset and she'd not cope if something happened.

When my ex and I spilt up - he decided it would be a lovely idea to lie to social services and say I left the boys in the house together while I went to work - the SS were round in a flash to find out if it was true ( which is was nt ) and the woman who came told me children need to be 13+ to be left alone for a few hours at most. The boys were 10 and 14 at the time and she was very clear she would be checking up on me to make sure they were not left alone !!
So I do think if you tell SS your concerns they ll go round and see him - good luck.
Frankly it would worry me - an 8 year old left with 2 rescue dogs - I have one rescue dog - and he was never left alone with my children ever. THEY were 7 and 12 when we got him. ( they re 21 and 16 now )

Dogs aside, I wouldn't leave my 8yo alone in the house.

Ok. I have twin 8 yr olds. I have left them before - for half an hour while collecting DD3. They had house rules in place (no answering phone or door, no going outside, no cooking/hot drinks etc), and their step-grandfather lives next door and was home, and they are both very mature for their age. I would not leave an 8 and 10 yr old for longer than an hour at best (too much room for arguments and silliness between siblings) so def keep the babysitter!

I certainly would leave with a dog, particularly not young, litter-mate, rescue dogs, esp if already shown jealous behaviour. Those dogs will have had trauma and instability their whole life, this makes them way more unpredictable than a normal young dog - and that is unpredictable enough. It's not the dogs' fault - but the combination of unpredictable children and unpredictable dogs is just a recipe for unpleasantness.

What to do - RSPCA for advice perhaps on the dogs' welfare, maybe NSPCC, and just say no to him. Tell him again it's not safe, not suitable for any of them and put your foot down. He's being irresponsible.

Posted too soon.

The dogs are completely relevant. We have a dog who I trust 100%. Border collie x lab. Highly obedient to voice commands, had him since he was tiny etc My8yo walks him/ feeds him as does the 5yo (with me, I don't send them out on their own!) BUT I wouldn't leave my children with sole responsibility for him purely because a) they're far too young and b) IF he did decide he was going to destroy furniture etc I wouldn't expect them to be able to handle that.
Throw into the mix that these are rescue dogs, still very young and at an age where they're very boisterous and you've got a very dangerous situation waiting to happen.
I'd personally call SS for advice even without the added issue of the dogs

I have a toy poodle who is very much loved by the children, it was a bday gift to my eldest when 10. But I wouldn’t trust him a 100% because just like people they can react differently at any point!
8 is to young so is 10. At any point any thing can happen and they are not able to think rationally. My ds was 10 when I had to pop to the shops, down the road, just had his tonsils out. When I got back he was quite scared, he said he never noticed how noisy the house was before and he didn’t feel safe.

Until recently, i lived opposite a block of flats that had a major fire in it a few years ago.
A parent left their children to pop to the shops (which were v close3mins away), and their DC 10, 8 and under lit candles and matches.
It's just not worth it.

Legally it has to be too young.

Morally - parental responsibility - he cares for dogs but doesn't feel the need to 'look after' an 8 year old.

How would you (or he feel) if there was an accident/a fire/someone called and the 8 year old let person in... etc etc..

This is interesting "the SS were round in a flash to find out if it was true ( which is wasn't ) and the woman who came told me children need to be 13+ to be left alone for a few hours at most."

…. how would you feel if social services were told by a neighbour and they turned up and removed your children?

Really sorry you are in this difficult situation. I think 8 is far too young to leave a child alone. Let alone with dogs that you don’t feel comfortable about. IMO the majority of 8 year olds don’t know what to do if things go wrong - and why would they at 8? Hope you are able to make him see sense. Feel for you