To think it's too young to be left for hours?

[WhoWants2Know]

I have 2 DDs, 8 and 10. They are with their dad this weekend so I can work. 10 messaged me this morning to say that she and her dad had gone out shopping yesterday, leaving 8 at home to look after the dogs. (A pair of 7 month old, medium sized, Romanian rescue dogs)

I have told him previously that 8 is too young to leave alone, and am only just starting to leave 10 at home for short trips. As far as he's concerned, I should do away with the childminder over the summer and the girls can stay home and look after the dogs. He is determined that I am just overprotective.

This isn't about dog hating. I help out with the dogs when I can so that the girls can grow up with pets. BUT they are high energy and can easily jump all over and scratch up an adult, let alone a child. They can also snarl a bit over favourite toys.

I get that exh grew up in a generation where kids were largely left to it, and his upbringing was more neglectful than most. (Actually removed from the home by SS at one point)

So AIBU to say it's too young and how do I get him to stop doing it?

I can’t imagine that going down the SS route would help your relationship with him either. Is there anyone else who can help out with childcare over the summer?

You need to do something about this. They are too young to be left alone. They are too young to be left alone with dogs. Let alone young rescue dogs.

I have dogs, I love dogs, one of mine's a rescue and I only started leaving my DS with them when he was 12, and that was with the big one behind a safety gate, for an hour or so while I got the shopping. My dogs are 8 and 4 years old, have been to multiple training classes and grew up with DS.

This is a safeguarding issue. Ring the NSPCC for advice if you can't bring yourself to call SS but do something, your daughters' safety is paramount here, nothing else.

I adore dogs - I adore my placid dog but I would never leave a dog alone with a child / children - that's a disaster waiting to happen . Not fair on either party .

Echoing what PPs have said, too young even without dogs. I'd be so pissed off about this.

I'm normally on the side of being fairly laissez-faire about leaving children to look after themselves, but I would never have contemplated leaving an 8 and 10 year old on their own for even a few hours, let alone days at a time over the summer holidays. Even the most sensible child occasionally does something daft and dangerous, and won't necessarily know what to do if the other is ill or in the event of an emergency. And I absolutely, definitely, wouldn't contemplate leaving children of that age alone with two unrestrained dogs.

Have a look at this maybe share it with his for guidance.

www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

Maybe speak to SS if you are worried, I wouldn't let him look after them if he isn't being responsible.

The local police usually have a dog advisor who might have a quiet word. We used them for advice in the past. Maybe call your local 101 and ask. Or perhaps the rspca could provide some support - their web site?

The other thing is if you know this is a safeguarding issue, I think you have to do something, otherwise you'll also be in trouble?

Need a social worker to comment here?

In our county, docs & a&e are required to notify the police of all dog bites to children. And that can lead to a dog being put down.

Maybe that would get through to him.

I'm a homechecker for dog rescue and leaving an 8yo child responsible for the dogs would have been a fail to adopt. Particularly Rommy dogs, they've been through a lot of trauma before they get to the UK and 2 foster homes since suggests more instability and trauma.

YANBU at all.

What exactly is the 8yo supposed to do if the dogs start destroying the furniture? and if she can't get them to stop, is she going to end up in trouble herself? To say nothing of the risk of her being actually hurt.

I wouldn't be leaving her on her own for any length of time anyway, without the dogs complicating the situation - 8 is too young for that. I've just started to leave my 10yo on his own for a short while, but not for more than 30 minutes maximum, and I don't leave him with his brother because that would be madness.

Wow what an utterly irresponsible father, leaving an 8 year old with 2 dogs, and I am pleased you mentioned the dogs, as this is a massive thing. So not only is a young child responsible for herself, but also 2 big dogs, that could turn on her and attack her, she probably would not know what to do, and how to defend herself.

I would not leave her with her dad, as he cannot keep her safe. He seems to care more for the dogs being left alone, than his own child.

Is the 8 year old allowed to play out on their own? Is the 8 year allowed to walk the dogs on their own?

How long is the 8 year old on their own?

When will the 8 year old be 9?

Is the 8 year old responsible?

Why didn't the 8 year old want to go to the shops?

I’d love to know which ‘rescue’ allowed him to have litternates when anyone who knows anything about dogs knows it’s a bad idea .

Do not send them back there, he cannot keep them safe. You would have it on you, if your dd was attacked by the dogs.

I inherited a rescue dog - we all loved him but he did bite 7 people in the 4 years we owned him.

I woudl NEVER leave a small child (8 is small in my eyes) with 2 dogs/ any dogs really.

Apart from anything else is she cleaning up after them? I would imagine she could get quite upset having to deal with all that indoors.

I sometimes leave my 8 year old if he’s watching tv or drawing to nip to the shop or pick up one of my others but never for long and never with the dog.
More often than not my 14 or 13 year olds are around if I need to nip out but again I still wouldn’t leave my very lively sweet collie under their supervision and either take him or cage him briefly.
I would worry about the dogs to be honest.

8 is way too young to be left alone for more than about 30minutes or so, dogs or no dogs

I don’t think 8 is too young to be left in the right circumstances (sensible child, happy to be left, good local connections, etc.), though several hours seems too long, especially without build up. I’ve never had dogs, but that bit would concern me for even a short time unless they were so small there was no way a child could be hurt by them.

They're too young. Full stop.
Everything you read no all guidelines suggest that children under the age of 13 should not be allowed to be left alone at home.

And while there's no actual laws against leaving young children home alone (unless it puts them at risk of harm) and a lot of it is judging how mature the children are, I can't think of one 10 year old who would be mature enough to deal with some kind of problem like a fire or a gas leak, or a water leak, or anything else that requires adult input. And it's so unfair to put that responsibility in a young child in the first place!!

I'd tell him to not do it again. If he does you'll be in to he social services.

Children should not be left unsupervised with dogs and especially not with dogs like the ones you describe. They were separated from their mum too young, presumably they were not socialisée, they had to fend for themselves as strays, they have been moved from home to home and they are young and untrained. Did your exH read up on anything regarding foreign rescues or litter mate syndrome before getting these dogs?

I wouldn't leave an 8yr old alone for any period of time.

@JiltedJohnsJulie
OP’s separated (can see why) why should her relationship with him come before care and safety of her children?

Is the 8 year old allowed to play out on their own?
Not yet, busy road and near a pub with a reputation for lots of drug use and misbehaviour.

Is the 8 year allowed to walk the dogs on their own?

God, no. Both are strong on the lead. The boy dog will make a beeline for anything with 4 legs (regardless of whether his approach is welcome) and the female will leg it in the opposite direction.

How long is the 8 year old on their own?
Not sure, but long enough for food and shoe shopping.

When will the 8 year old be 9?
October

Is the 8 year old responsible?
Sort of? Well meaning, but often her head is in the clouds.

Why didn't the 8 year old want to go?
I'm not sure yet, especially as there is a pair of shoes she was really keen to get. She may have wanted to play with the dogs or may not have been given the option to go.