To ask if you had your time again - would you have the same number of children?

[Fivefootoffun]

We have a dd 18 months. Love her dearly but I have struggled somewhat with adapting to motherhood. I miss aspects of our old lives. We have no family around so no baby sitters and I guess I just miss the freedom. Anyhow, with that said, do not in any way regret having dd and if I had my time again I'd 100% do it again.

However, really undecided about going for number 2. I know preppie say you never regret a child and I'm sure this is mostly true but I worry that whilst I wouldn't regret number 2, if asked if I had my time again, I would maybe stick at 1.

My reasons for staying 1 are mainly due to how stressful we've found the first year of dd's life and the more we have maybe the less time for ourselves.

Would just be interested to hear from people who debated going for a second/third/fourth etc and whether if you had your time again, would you do it all
again. Thanks so much..

However, really undecided about going for number 2. I know preppie say you never regret a child and I'm sure this is mostly true but I worry that whilst I wouldn't regret number 2, if asked if I had my time again, I would maybe stick at 1

There was a thread recently. The poster had had a fourth child that it seemed she loved dearly, but admitted ruined her life.

She was quite literally told to lie about that fact forever by the majority of posters. That's the problem, people don't talk about the children they regret. It's the ultimate taboo for mothers.

I wouldn't have had three for sure. I obviously would never "undo" my children, but if the opportunity to have three new children were on offer in this scenario I wouldn't. Not sure how many, maybe none.

Fivefootoffun

Can I say that the way you posted and the way you have clearly read other posts and taken on board all the comments In such a gracious and nice way any future children you have ( if any) and the child you do already have are very lucky to have such a lovely considered sensible warm mummy

Turtle

We have three. I'd have three again but with a much smaller gap between DS1&2. It feels like we had one child on his own then two together. They are 22,13&11.

We have two and I always wanted 4. If money and other issues were of no concern I’d have another tomorrow. We haven’t 100% ruled out another baby but it’s looking less and less likely, which makes me sad.

I’d love to have had another close after ds6, maybe a year to eighteen months after. But due to PCOS was never going to happen.

I have one. Desperately would love another but DH is adamant he doesn't want any more. He is 58 and says he is too old .
DH and I are both only children so DS doesn't even have cousins. I am pretty sad about it but I owe it to DS to get a handle on that and not be sad.
I hated being an only but DH loved it.

Conscious decision to have 1 and very happy we are too.

Had dd when I was 30. DH was 32. Dd is 10 on Christmas Eve.

Just for comparability, I was one of 5. Grew up 'poor but happy' (family motto 😂). DH was one of 3. Fairly well off.

We have good jobs and all our resources go into dd and our family. Time as well as money. Holidays, days out, hobbies, savings for her for the future.

Could we do these things X 4? - yes but would have a big impact.

Can we give her everything we never had? Yes. Could we do the same for 2 kids? I doubt it.

I have 4 and wouldn’t change it, i would have been happy with 2 or 3, I couldn’t have 5 and do it well and I would have really struggled with just 1 I found t overwhelming

It can be as lonely being an only child as being one of many!

It’s loving parents that matter not how many siblings you have

If that was to me Sea you’ve misunderstood my post. I’m not an only child so I can’t comment on what that’s like, but I found it overwhelming being a parent to just 1.

I have one child, he is 5.

I accidentally became pregnant last year following a contraceptive failure. I terminated the pregnancy because I knew I would not cope with another.

I find parenthood all consuming and stressful. I love my son so much and I do so much for him. He is happy and thriving.

However, if I had my time again, I would not have any. My life was pretty amazing before.

Had 2, wanted 3 and still want 3 but getting a bit late now and gap would be enormous!

I think the first child changes things the most in a relationship and in the way you are. Once you are parents your life is changed anyway.