Friends sending their DS to school in a pinafore.

[RelentlessSylvia]

Friends (I'm pals with both halves of the couple) have a DS, 4.

He's starting primary after the summer and they've bought him pinafores rather than shorts or trousers. They've always bought him a range of clothes up to now - dresses, skirts, trousers, shorts, pink, blue and every other colour - and he's picked what he wants to wear every day. He has no concept that garments are gendered and just likes to wear what he likes to wear. I think this is great.

But they haven't bought a range of uniform items, they've bought him pinafores and tights. AIBU to think they are making a statement at the expense of their DS's choice? Shorts and trousers are, for better or worse, much less gendered items than dresses.

He is a lovely boy and a testament to their parenting. Both parents are proudly unorthodox and brilliant, brave people. But AIBU to think they're kinda using their son as a flag to wave to the rest of the school community, rather than giving him the option of being low-key?

Nursery have previously expressed concerns that my friends were forcing their DS to wear dresses. They weren't. He chooses his clothes from a range. It may be that they've said 'which style of uniform do you want?' and he's made a choice but sadly there is a huge context to gender and clothing that he isn't aware of, so it isn't a genuine choice?

AIB horrible and judgemental? I love that this kid can be who he wants to be. I just worry that he's going to become an object of ridicule and derision on his first day.

Booboostwo

Lecturing other posters isn’t actually debating is it though.

It’s Pointless posting your opinions if you fail to answer legitimate questions from other posters.

But you have made me chuckle.

i think the parents are brave

How so? How is this brave?

My dd is 5 and she is very clear that there is only one item of school clothing that she will wear during autumn/winter/spring and that is trousers. Although she is in a minority at school no one really bats an eyelid (it is allowed under the uniform policy. If it is ok for her to wear an item of clothing that is historically traditionally associated with boys then why is it not ok for a boy to wear an item of clothing that is traditionally associated with girls? Because it's sexism that's why. A dress is just item of clothing and a boy wearing a dress is just a boy wearing a dress. It does not make him a girl or trans or gay.

Well quite and in my 28 years of being a parent to 6 children and working in a school for 7 years I have never ever seen a boy turn up for school in a pinafore. Very few girls either.

It’s a very old fashioned and restrictive piece of clothing anyway.

seasaw one possible example of the research is here: journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/2332858416673617

It is of course about being a girl, rather than wearing a dress....but any parent reading this would be fighting hard for all signs of gender segregation to be eliminated from schools. It has also been shown that gender based biases in perceptions are heightened in schools where unnecessary gender divisions are encouraged, like having a uniform element that only girls can wear because its considered beneath boys, or different uniform rules for boys and girls about piercings and hair length etc. or separate queues at lunch time, or separate PE lessons.

black 100% this. If dresses are indeed evil, the cause of bullying/teasing, and a generally terrible, restrictive, hard to piss in item of clothing, they why the hell are they part of the school uniform at all?

If they are not good enough for boys, then they aren't good enough for girls.

Piercings are different. Girls having pierced ears are traditional but there is a class association from boys piercing their ear(s).
Private schools in particular demand segregated uniform.

piercings are different to clothes? Well yes....clothes can be taken off if you change your mind...holes stuck in your ears are for life, whether you gave your consent or not.

I just don't understand people who think piercing a baby without consent is just fine, but allowing a boy to wear a dress if they want to is child abuse.

People seem to have a much greater issue with a boy doing something traditionally (well only the last 100 years tbh...before then dresses were very much a boy thing too) associated with girls, than with people punching holes in other people's bodies....it just seems a really screwed up priority list.

He will be ostracised from his peers, whether they like it or not, he's going to have trouble making friends and not know why.

It’s not sexism. It’s just not dressing your child in any item of clothing that will lead to them being ridiculed. The kid doesn’t sound bothered what he wears. Why on Earth make the decision to put him in something that is likely to see him bullied.

I have photos of 16 year old Ds2 dressed up in full ballet kit before an exam. If his friends saw those they would roast him. He’s not going to give up ballet but he’s not going to go looking for ridicule.

I would pierce a girls ears if they asked. I would not ever do my boys, but only because theyd be thought of as chavs

deviled ridiculed by who? You are doing the bullies work for them....

user you are very sexist then...and passing your sexist ideas onto your children. I mean everyone knew that children learn sexism from their parents...but it nice (well horrifying actually) to see people openly admitting it.

Sexism around clothing choices is bad. However, the people to start changing attitudes are adult men, who know what the reaction will be if they wear traditionally female clothes. 4yos don't.If men wear skirts, dresses etc and continue to identify as male then little boys will also end up with a free choice of clothes.

M3lon

I won’t be fighting for self ID thanks. I want my girls to feel safe in school and not have to share toilets or changing rooms with a person who has a penis.

I don’t know any school that doesn’t allow girls to wear trousers as quite rightly trousers are more sensible and practical for all pupils so why put anyone in a pinafore is beyond me.

Well it isn’t is it really it’s clearly all about the parents trying to stand out and get their 5 minutes of fame by using their child.

Much the same way beauty pageants work.

fiery why not tell your children it isn't okay to ostracise someone for dressing differently then? I mean if parents actually told their children not to bully people who dressed differently, rather than encouraging it by telling them anyone who dresses differently deserves it, then the world would be a much better place no?

seasaw This has nothing to do with self ID. This is a boy, who is clear he is boy.

Completely agree M3lon

also there ARE schools that don't allow boys to wear skirts or girls to wear trousers. Its because schools are exempt from the equalities act 2019...because obviously the best way to a free and fair society is to exempt EDUCATION from principles of equality....

Private schools in particular demand segregated uniform. Some don't. I worked as a supply teacher in a non uniform private school. The children could wear exactly what they wanted. No sign of dresses at all. Boys or girls

erm 2010...not 2019....though if there is an equalities act 2019, I do hope it extends to not excluding children from a school because of their parents religion, and not making males and females wear different clothes.

people say that school is about preparing for work....but my work place would never allow a dress code that discriminated against women, and would never allow someone to be bullied for cross dressing. So really schools are now miles behind the world of work.

By all means if a boy makes an informed decision to wear certain items of uniform, so be it.
But it's so often younger children with 'woke' parents (who want to make the world aware of their views) who seem to be in this situation.

Very few girls even wear pinafores now anyway they are very difficult to play in

90% of girls in the Infants years at our local primary wear pinafores. In the juniors they gradually switch to skirts and trousers, but there are still a lot wearing pinafores in years 3 and 4. It doesn’t affect how they play; why would it? Pinafores are loose and comfortable. They are also a LOT more forgiving of messy eaters!

M3lon - Ds2 is 16 and attends a boys school. If he walked around in his ballet gear he would be roasted. Because that’s what 16 year old boys are like. They have to wear the ‘right’ brands fgs (not got that from me).

Are you seriously suggesting I should make my 16 year old (how? He’s 16) wear a ballet kit around his friends, knowing he will be ridiculed because otherwise we’ew Encouraging bullying.

What utter nonsense. How old are your kids? You don’t seem to have much of an idea.

I have one son who wouldn’t give a shit what he wore & I buy all his clothes. He’s severely disabled. I buy clothes that will help him fit in - stands out enough as it is. Perhaps I could use him for my own personal soapbox.

Is your 16 yo like that? Would he roast another boy of 16 for wearing a dress?

You should be ashamed of yourself if he would.

If he wouldn't then why assume all his friends would? Or is your son a saint among sinners?