Friends sending their DS to school in a pinafore.

[RelentlessSylvia]

Friends (I'm pals with both halves of the couple) have a DS, 4.

He's starting primary after the summer and they've bought him pinafores rather than shorts or trousers. They've always bought him a range of clothes up to now - dresses, skirts, trousers, shorts, pink, blue and every other colour - and he's picked what he wants to wear every day. He has no concept that garments are gendered and just likes to wear what he likes to wear. I think this is great.

But they haven't bought a range of uniform items, they've bought him pinafores and tights. AIBU to think they are making a statement at the expense of their DS's choice? Shorts and trousers are, for better or worse, much less gendered items than dresses.

He is a lovely boy and a testament to their parenting. Both parents are proudly unorthodox and brilliant, brave people. But AIBU to think they're kinda using their son as a flag to wave to the rest of the school community, rather than giving him the option of being low-key?

Nursery have previously expressed concerns that my friends were forcing their DS to wear dresses. They weren't. He chooses his clothes from a range. It may be that they've said 'which style of uniform do you want?' and he's made a choice but sadly there is a huge context to gender and clothing that he isn't aware of, so it isn't a genuine choice?

AIB horrible and judgemental? I love that this kid can be who he wants to be. I just worry that he's going to become an object of ridicule and derision on his first day.

sea well if your kids wouldn't bully a boy for being in a dress, then why worry about him wearing a dress? The OP made it clear they follow his choices and buy him a full range of clothes, just like almost all of us do for our DD's. Why people have made up this whole story about them forcing him into a dress, I really don't know. I bet many of your are far more guilty of forcing dresses on your children than these parents are, but because you are only doing it to girls its all just peachy....until the gender pay gap becomes an issue, then you're all a bit more up in arms...

Doyou I have seen this conversation happen both my DD querying a boy she knows, and other children querying my DD (when she used to wear a batman swimming costume). It really isn't a massive deal. It goes:

'Are you a boy or a girl'
'I'm a boy/girl'
'Are you sure'
'yes'
'why are you wearing a dress/batman costume'
'I like dresses/batman costumes'
'oh okay'

End.

4 years later, neither of them is left on any sort of route to transgender whatsoever.

My friend's son who is white attended a majority black secondary school in the Croydon area of London. For five years he was mercilessly bullied and called "batty-boy" etc. He is gay, although at the time he of course was very young and going through puberty and I'm not sure how old he was when he became aware of his sexual orientation. He is now in his mid-20s. His mum was up at the school constantly and was completely furious but nothing was done for years as it was explained to her it was "cultural" until the school got a new headteacher. Her son didn't do anything to try and stand out and was tall for his age but his life was made hell.

She and I were just talking about this the other day as I live in another country and had not understood how serious the bullying was and how long it lasted. I would not be sending a boy in a pinafore into a similar environment.

cpayne I think the attitude that parents might put in a bit of effort to prevent their kids from bullying but you can't make them be more open minded in their friendships, is exactly the attitude that means many children with ASD don't get to very many class birthday parties.

The inevitable consequence of saying children must do everything they can to fit in, is that the differences that remain, that can't be wished away, mean even more and cause even more problems.

@ErrolTheDragon but the point is none here genuinely knows what's in that child's wardrobe he may have trousers but just not want to wear them we can not sit in judgement of parents whom we don't know if they're doing it themselves or if that is how their child wants to dress if my son wanted to dress like that fine it's not gunna hurt anyone and a lot of children grow out of it

Good point doyoumind. Clothing designed for a reason

Superhansg
I'm assuming the OP is accurate in her statement 'But they haven't bought a range of uniform items, they've bought him pinafores and tights'. If she's wrong, then fine.

Why do parents have to give in to their dc anyway at this age?

M3LON, the parents have not given the child a choice - they only purchased the pinafores. They have consciously made the decision that they want their son to only wear pinafores to school.

This thread proves conclusively (as if there was any doubt) that there's none quite so sexist as parents.

Its so very horrible to see people call it child abuse to treat a boy the same way they've been happily treating their girls for years. Where was all this ire about parents imposing choices on children when there's a (female) baby ear piercing thread?

As for 'poor boys, how will they piss in a dress'..I mean, for the love of God. Yeah girls are expected to learn to deal with skirts, dresses, tights,, to have to wear additional shorts and different shoes if they wan't to run, cartwheel, climb. Sure girls can be expected to have to learn to deal with long hair and earrings...but boys? No. Everyday life needs to be as straight forward for boys as possible. They shouldn't have these distractions getting in the way of what they can achieve at school. These are our future leaders your talking about!

These terrible terrible parents, offering the full range of clothing to their child so he can form his own opinions...they're probably offering him the full range of toys instead of telling him he should be interested in robots and trains too! Poor little mite. How will he ever develop into a stereotypical male with male entitlement and minimal empathy if they let him play with dolls!

Making friends is important at this age,this child may have difficulties due to his autism but he is more likely going to be because other children may like him but not want to be labelled as a friend if the boy in a dress.
I don't think these parents have thought through the consequences for this child however much they wish to have their child not confirm to gender stereotypes they are not vulnerable and in his shoes.

morm are you reading the same OP? The child was offered a choice and a pinafore was bought as a result.

Definitely BU for buying school uniform at the beginning of the summer holidays!

Regardless of gender I wouldn't send any 4 yr old child to school in tights or until they can turn them back to right ways round and then put them on as this is what they have to do after or.Thats a big ask of young children.

best to keep your nose out really, it is clothing , why does it bother you so much ? if you have children or know children why dont you teach them to respect individuality and not be afraid of being themselves ? discourage teasing not encourage it is what i say , by making it an issue (assuming you are talking to others about your concerns....hopefully not ) you are encouraging teasing. Let it go .

seven I'd never send a child to school in a dress, let alone tights. For one thing children in dresses have their ability in maths systematically underestimated by primary teachers. I wouldn't want my child limited that way.

@M3lon I think it's you that isn't reading the OP.

The PARENTS have bought only pinafores. The choice of clothing is only mentioned further down the post where everyday clothes are brought into it.

It's all about the parents not the child. That's never good.

BooboosTwo

Clearly then by not answering my questions and just insulting people you have no experience of parenting??Feel free to correct me if that’s not the case.

M3Lon

If you seriously don’t realise this situation is all about the parents and not about a 4 year old having a very strong desire to wear a pinafore you must live under a rock.

Very few girls even wear pinafores now anyway they are very difficult to play in. My dds either wore shorts or trousers.

childten in dresses have their ability systematically undermine by primary teachers

Well could you link that claim to research please. and even more funny then putting any child in a dress is a tad silly isn’t it girl or boy.

Oh I think the parents have thought it through and can’t wait to be on This Morning and Radio 4.

I think boob is tring to be as deliverately unpleasant as possible. Do you know what literate means?

I think the parents are brave and are doing us all a service here. But unfortunately the casualty could be their son so I could never do it myself.

I wish they were in our school because I’d fully support them in their clothing choice and my kids might learn a thing or two from the situation. Tolerance, differences in people, perception of the sexes, how to be brave too.

Seasawride I am so impressed by your style I am copying it, it’s an homage. Clearly by not engaging with rational argument and not reading the thread you have no experience with reason?

I'll bite OP. How do you know this is happening? In almost 15 years of dressing school age children I never once discussed clothing with another parent. However when my DSs went to a new school I sent one of them in shorts instead of long trousers by mistake. It was a horrible first day for him and I remember it 20 years later.