Friends sending their DS to school in a pinafore.

[RelentlessSylvia]

Friends (I'm pals with both halves of the couple) have a DS, 4.

He's starting primary after the summer and they've bought him pinafores rather than shorts or trousers. They've always bought him a range of clothes up to now - dresses, skirts, trousers, shorts, pink, blue and every other colour - and he's picked what he wants to wear every day. He has no concept that garments are gendered and just likes to wear what he likes to wear. I think this is great.

But they haven't bought a range of uniform items, they've bought him pinafores and tights. AIBU to think they are making a statement at the expense of their DS's choice? Shorts and trousers are, for better or worse, much less gendered items than dresses.

He is a lovely boy and a testament to their parenting. Both parents are proudly unorthodox and brilliant, brave people. But AIBU to think they're kinda using their son as a flag to wave to the rest of the school community, rather than giving him the option of being low-key?

Nursery have previously expressed concerns that my friends were forcing their DS to wear dresses. They weren't. He chooses his clothes from a range. It may be that they've said 'which style of uniform do you want?' and he's made a choice but sadly there is a huge context to gender and clothing that he isn't aware of, so it isn't a genuine choice?

AIB horrible and judgemental? I love that this kid can be who he wants to be. I just worry that he's going to become an object of ridicule and derision on his first day.

^agreed

Our school has a ‘gender neutral’ uniform - boys and girls can wear shorts, trousers, skirts or dresses but although the girls quite often wear shorts or trousers I have yet to see one of the boys in a skirt or dress. We’re in a very progressive city and mowing urbood too, no-one would blink. Giving kids the choice is the key. And these parents aren’t.

The majority of responses on this thread are horrible.

If this child is bullied, it isn't his parents that are to blame...its the parents of the children doing the bullying.

Have a look at yourselves and your own children...do they know its not okay to tease a boy for wearing a dress? Do they? REALLY?

Because if they do then there is nothing for the child to worry about, is there?

Yes it is his parents. No way would i do that to my kid. Just to be 'different'

M3lon

When this boy is teased for wearing a dress he clearly hasn’t choosen as 4 year olds do as their parents say. When he is bullied it will be because his stupid parents put their need for attention above his happiness.

If he was black had red hair, a Muslim or indeed a Christian child etc and was bullied for that then of course that’s horrible as these are non negotisble.

This isn’t its blatantly about the parents and people like you who support this nonsense are perpetuating child abuse in my view.

Using children as political pawns in an adult game is utterly disgraceful

sea why don't you teach your children not to bully? Then all children will be able to wear whatever they want?

Why say bullying is acceptable for things you can choose...and only not acceptable for things you can't change?

Wow...its child abuse to let a child wear a dress.....but only if they are male. Perfectly fine otherwise. Some really really misogynistic attitudes on here.

Melon because people see those things differently.
Bullying is never right but those parents arent even giving their kid a chance to be normal.
If all the boys were to turn up on the first day in dresses, a week later i bet theyd have died his hair pink or got extentions or something. It isjust a poor effort at alternativism

I didnt bring my children up to bully what a strange response.

However as a responsible and loving parent I wouldn’t dream of making my sons wear dresses when clearly it’s about parental influence and not his strong personal preference as he’s 4!!!

If he was older and made that choice so be it. No 4 year old has strong preferences on clothes. It’s utter nonsense

I put my kids happiness above my own and these parents clearly are not.

Sad for the lad.

Wheres the misogygy there?

Devilishpyjamas
It’s nothing like breastfeeding. In that case any issues (tbh I never came across any) are directed at the mother.

In this case the child will be on the receiving end of comments/teasing/taunts.

So you're not familiar with debates about longer-term breastfeeding, which invariably include the argument that breastfeeding a school age child will lead to bullying.

Because it's OK for girls to dress 'up' the hierarchy (in trousers) but boys can't demean themselves by dressing 'down' the hierarchy. That's why it's misogyny.

I can't believe what I'm reading if people thought their kids not to bully or ridicule people who are different/dress different then he would "be set up for a hard life" if a child wants to wear these thing can you come up with any actual evidence that it's going to damage that child? Because from what Iv done research on a child with supportive parents tend to do much better in school and have better mental health etc

Do you mean misandry? I dont get it.

Fascicle id say breastfeeding a schoolchild is equally abusive.

Setting him up for a hard time. My son is 4 and his favorite colour is pink so he has some pink drinks cups, pink sandwich boxes and some girly toys like a pink pram - not a problem. When it comes to his clothes he is told what to wear, and wears it (boy clothes). He doesn't care because we have never made an issue over appearance. I would say they are getting a buzz from being openly different and they enjoy watching their son in dresses a hell of a lot more than he likes wearing them.

No. Misogyny, because girls are lower than boys in the hierarchy and boys demean themselves when they imitate girls (but not the other way round, because boys are better than girls). Shows an attitude that girls/women are lesser than boys/men = misogyny.

M3lon it might not even come to bullying but reception aged children will think he's a girl if he wears a dress. I have no doubt about that. They will be confused and he'll be having to explain he's not a girl. That in itself puts pressure on him when he's already in a potentially stressful situation just starting school. Dresses and tights are practical for girls who sit on the toilet. If he's standing at a urinal holding down tights and holding up a dress I feel sorry for him.

I’m the child of hippy parents. They wanted to prove their points through me and my sibling, too, and it’s just not fair on the child. Mine said I didn’t have to go to assembly in primary school, because it was Christian and they were atheists. I didn’t know what I thought at that point, I was only 6. But I went along with it and the head teacher explained to the other kids that my family worshipped differently and I sat in the classroom next door, alone, for each assembly for a while. As my mother said at the time, it ended up sounding like we were Devil worshippers. Eventually they realised I didn’t want to stand out, I wanted to fit in with the other kids, so I joined the assemblies. My name is really unusual too, so until I hit 16 I never told anyone my full name (it’s long), just the shortened, fairly normal version (still unusual). I got called a Gypsy too, because of time we spent living in a caravan. I learned to keep quiet about that, as well, but it followed me to secondary school. I think it’s bloody cruel and selfish for these parents to do this, if he expresses a firm opinion one day, fine, but it’s disingenuous to say he wants these things when he’s being steered by them, which he is! And until society changes a lot more, it’s a sad fact he WILL get bullied for being that much different.

Another angle for them to think about is you said he’ll be one of about 5 white kids at the school. I can’t say for sure, of course, but I suspect that will make the whole thing worse. I'd bet cold, had cash that there will be kids from very conservative backgrounds, e.g. strongly conservative Christian African or Caribbean background, or Muslim, and I don’t see that ending well.

Please say something to your friends, the poor boy deserves to have someone in his corner who’s not waving their own flag. He can and will make his own mind up, but should not have this imposed on him so young – yes it is imposing, tell them that, they are very wrong if they think ‘ooh, it’s all his choice!’, that’s plain delusional.

They gave him the choice by the sound of it and he chose. If my kids came home and said a boy is wearing a dress I'd say there is nothing wrong with that, it's his choice. Everyone is different!

Reception kids are pretty broad minded anyway. I just can't get worked up over a boy in a dress. I'm sure his parents have taught him to be resilient to opinion anyway.

Yes you can teach your children not to bully, of course but you cannot force them to be friends with someone either. Maybe a lot of children would just find this very strange. I hope parents in the class don't criticize in ear shot of their own children, who will in turn go into school and tell this little boy how "weird" he is!

Brilliant post by purple. No need to say more

Breastfeeding a school going child is abusive?! What? I'd assume they're letting the child self-wean is all and surely it's highly unlikely you'd even know about it? I think the average age worldwide is 4 plus, with many cultures feeding on to 6/7 as 'milk' teeth are lost. Obviously it is abusive if it's somehow'forced' but think this is highly unlikely/rare.

Three words =

Henry. Lee. Lucas.

a child with supportive parents tend to do much better in school

Absolutely. But, if these parents were truly supportive they'd have bought their DS a range of school clothes to choose from not just the pinafores. Even if he'd said that's all he wanted, this is something he shouldn't be boxed into at this stage.