Friends sending their DS to school in a pinafore.

[RelentlessSylvia]

Friends (I'm pals with both halves of the couple) have a DS, 4.

He's starting primary after the summer and they've bought him pinafores rather than shorts or trousers. They've always bought him a range of clothes up to now - dresses, skirts, trousers, shorts, pink, blue and every other colour - and he's picked what he wants to wear every day. He has no concept that garments are gendered and just likes to wear what he likes to wear. I think this is great.

But they haven't bought a range of uniform items, they've bought him pinafores and tights. AIBU to think they are making a statement at the expense of their DS's choice? Shorts and trousers are, for better or worse, much less gendered items than dresses.

He is a lovely boy and a testament to their parenting. Both parents are proudly unorthodox and brilliant, brave people. But AIBU to think they're kinda using their son as a flag to wave to the rest of the school community, rather than giving him the option of being low-key?

Nursery have previously expressed concerns that my friends were forcing their DS to wear dresses. They weren't. He chooses his clothes from a range. It may be that they've said 'which style of uniform do you want?' and he's made a choice but sadly there is a huge context to gender and clothing that he isn't aware of, so it isn't a genuine choice?

AIB horrible and judgemental? I love that this kid can be who he wants to be. I just worry that he's going to become an object of ridicule and derision on his first day.

@Plimmy I agree with every word of your last post.

I'd suggest they buy him also other items in the uniform range, just in case he changes idea after the first day. My DD used to wear trousers

Poor poor lad

Posted too soon.
My DD used to wear only trousers right up to the first week of reception. He won't wear any now.

*She!!! (My DD). Talk about gender confusion lol

NataliaOsipova

How long does he have to conform?

He doesn't. But to present something like this as an entirely neutral choice, like "ham sandwich or cheese sandwich in your lunchbox?" Is disingenuous. This little boy is neither conforming nor choosing not to conform, because he is unaware of the norms and social mores that will surround him when he goes to school. His choice is therefore not an informed one.

People shouldn't conform to things they do not wish to. I believe that very strongly. But deliberately not to conform for the sake it, because you're "proudly unorthodox"? That's just attention seeking. And to push that agenda onto your child is inappropriate.
we went camping in May there was a family their who had their son dressed in heels and a sparkly skirt it was pissing down with rain and all other children 20 odd were in wellies and rain coats he spent most of the holiday playing alone or with his sister I asked his name his sister 6 said it’s ok for ...... to wear skirts I simply asked their names no doubt she had been coached

Very sad they reenforce the Sterotyoes they seek to destroy

When I bought my Ds uniform for primary . I didn’t ask his opinion. I bought him the boys uniform . He wore it happily .

In op there is no indication this boy has a problem with trousers .

Some people like to create a drama . At 4 I gave him his clothes he put them up

Boob no i'm sorry you're wrong, and i haven't got a warped idea of bullying at all. You really think a class of twelve year old boys would suddenly start wearing dresses to school just because one had turned up in one. You don't know 12 year old boys very well do you, and bully's most certainly do pick on people for not conforming, wrong trainers, wrong shoes, wrong bag, wrong anything.....

I've been told of loads of bullying incidents off my grandkids because of pathetic stuff like that. They certainly wouldnt hold back if a lad started coming in a dress.

Dreadful people.

It will demanding he be called she next
God help us all I hope those who do this will be held to account for child abuse people go on about raising your voice to children this is the real harm

i can imagine the parents will be a nightmare throughout this poor childs school life

I have come to believe that this post is a fake. No mother would have a child get out of her womb and let this happen. You protect your child, his dreams, his identity, at all costs. This is fake.

We used to have a selection of boys & girls clothes for DD. Partly because we'd get what in the sale! She could choose, each day (weather etc permitting) what she wanted. TBH it was mostly boy stuff as that was what she usually chose - dinosaurs, superheroes, cars, sharks etc. Halfway through reception & she had a growth spurt, we took her shopping as usual. Everything had to be pink & sparkly. It's fine, I don't care as long as she's comfortable & it washes well. But there was definitely peer influence.

I haven't yet met a parent who says "we're gender neutral for child" who doesn't actively push the opposite gender on the child.
Usually a boy into girl's clothing.
I suspect it's at least a partial wish fulfilment for parents who secretly wished for a girl. (Or boy, but more often that way round)

The world's gone mad as Piers Morgan would say.

Poor kid

coolncalm you can add as many stunned emojis to your post but it will still wont amount to a coherent argument. I said cool kids can wear dresses and be trend setters, it is a matter of confidence. I also said that bullies will find something to pick on no matter how hard the victim tries to blend in...which is kind of confirmed by the list of things you mention that your DGS have told you about.

Witchend exactly. The whole family, Mad, Dum and baby gender neutral right?

Always just the child.

I think the parents are attention seeking nerds who are setting that child up for ridicule just to think they're right on and when the child rebels as he grows older they'll blame everyone but themselves

What a load up of shite

Oh for goodness sake

boob yes i can add a shocked emoji to my post if i feel it warrants it. I don't understand why you're having a go at me in particular, practically every single post is in a single vein to mine. Yes of course bullies will always find something to pick on, so why would a parent make their child the target for them. Why the hell isnt that a decent argument, practically every single poster thinks the same.

also a good point someone made about people remembering it later on. a boy i was in juniors with shit himself at school when we were about five and still when i see him around i think about it.
if it doesn't go so well he will forever be remembered as the boy in the dress

Because it’s all about the parents.

Selfish bastards and poor kid