AIBUto think this is a disappointing anniversary present

[RoseandHarry]

Me and DH are married 2 years tomorrow. We have 1DS whose 7 months and I'm 8 weeks pregnant. We are off on holidays this evening and a bloody great fruit bouquet has just arrived as my anniversary gift. My DH explained he thought it would be better as we could take it away with us (we are driving) and flowers would get wasted. I'm really disappointed and think it's such an unromantic gift. I'm also dreading driving in a car on holiday with a grizzly baby and a basket full of rotting fruit !!!

I think people are saying about 'American' because we seem to be adopting a lot of their customs (bridal showers, baby showers, proms etc)

Even though it was already explained earlier in the thread as being a German custom? Some people need to learn to read.

I'm actually not sure whether it's a German custom. About three quarters of my family is Italian...;)

But I've observed it quite a often (amongst close friends and family members)... But idk whether it's a commonly done thing in Germany or Italy...

But I actually remember my childhood best friend's mother giving my mother a small bunch of flowers on my birthdays... So yeah, that might actually be a German thing.

I'm off to google it ;)

Anyhow. I personally think it's a nice thing. :)

@Ginger

Yes, that makes sense, I guess.

I like it too. And it definitely isn’t American, so not sure where that poster got that from!

That was to coolcarrie not you ginger

Much nicer gift than a pointless, boring bouquet of cut flowers. Such a cop out!

there was nothing in particular I wanted. Just something to make me feel a little bit special I guess?

What does this even mean? Is it code for jewellery?

We do the traditional gifts so second was cotton. He got me cotton wool pads for removing my make up I got him cotton buds as he goes through a tonne of them.

www.wayfair.co.uk/kitchenware-tableware/pdx/meyer-select-stainless-steel-6-piece-cookware-set-umy1238.html

I have this set and they are absolutely fabulous. Really good price as well as I paid £180ish for mine a few years ago and that was in the sale! Just bought a separate wok.

All these comments pretending not to know that anniversary gifts or meals or whatever are a thing are ridiculous. As are the ones proclaiming no one should ever want presents. It's each to their own. Most normal people love recieving a present. I love (online) shopping for presents too.

We do presents for the day we met, but the gifts are usually small thoughtful token things and then we go out for a meal or do something so not a gift to either one of us in particular.

We also do gifts & go out for birthdays, gifts for Christmas as well.

It's not weird to want or appreciate a present.

One of the ghastliest "occasions" I remember was the 50th birthday of a female relative. Her teen children had pulled together and bought a present they thought she would like but her husband had got nothing organised at all beyond a home-baked cake. She was so upset that she spent the morning of her birthday crying in bed. What nobody had the nerve to tell her was that 25+ years of getting things wrong had made him so afraid of failing the thoughtfulness test that he had ended up completely petrified and unable to do anything because he felt nothing he did would be right.

It's not that the OP was wrong to expect a thoughtful gift. It's the fact that her husband did go out of his way and provide something that did seem to him (and does to me, too) more thoughtful than the bog standard flowers and somehow it isn't "the right kind of thoughtful". Not very encouraging really, is it?

Personally, I usually manage these occasions by dropping cheerful hints- but then I don't get upset because I don't get "a lovely surprise".
Difficult to have it both ways: it must be a surprise but it must be the exact surprise I expected.

^ ^this

I've spent many years expecting DH to be psychic and buy perfect gifts for me; some years he's done brilliantly and I've had wonderful surprises, some years I've seriously wondered whether he knows me at all. I'm sure I've done the same to him.

A few years ago I decided to tell him exactly what I would like if there was something in particular, instead of just expecting him to get it right with no guidance; his first attempt was a fail when I told him exactly what I really would like (big birthday, not ridiculous present) and he went and bought something different because he thought it was better - it wasn't. But I do see that he did it with love, and after more than twenty years together, gifts are nice but what's nicer is having each other. And I get to wind him up that two inches really does matter sometimes

I've just gone and dug out the slightly hideous but then I'm fussy and ungrateful mug DS1 bought me for my birthday to use this morning, so he can see that I appreciate the love and thought he put in to choosing a gift for his mum, bought with his own money. This thread has reminded me that gifts are also about the receiver showing how much they love the person giving too, whether or not the gift is perfect.

Eliza9917, I know not everyone buys their OH an anniversary gift or even a birthday present but it seems the thing to almost boast (Oh we don't buy each other anything", often followed by "we don't need one day a year to show our love".

Really annoys me. I am a big romantic and so is DH to an extent. We have always celebrated our wedding anniversary and our birthdays (never work on birthdays or anniversary) and often go away. We also buy each other a card and a little pressie on Valentines Day.

We did also celebrate the day we met for about 20 years but then decided that anniversary, Valentines Day, birthdays and Christmas was probably enough.

We though often buy each other little gifts if either of us see something we know the other would like. We both also often arrange a day out or a couple of days away as a surprise for the other

What the heck fruits ? I would be disappointed. Something that you could keep and remember would be better. Like planting a fruit tree when you come back. Let's not tax the guy and agree with the fruit fixation for now. Enjoy your holidays. And your fruits of love. (bet he thought he already planted something that will last a lifetime, lol,really ? Laughing. Make a list of 4 to 5 things that you really like and you really want or you really need. for next time. He did remember though. Thumbs up.

Unless your DH is an arse overall, I think you're being an ungrateful moo over this one.

So you bought him something that you want, and you're complaining that what he bought you isn't thoughtful enough, even though his reason for choosing it demonstrates thoughtfulness?

How long did it take you to buy a voucher for a restaurant?

Is he able to use the voucher for lunch with someone else? If not then it isn't a gift.

Just out of interest... What anniversaries do you celebrate?

"Just" the wedding (if married) or also the engagement or things like relationship anniversaries..?

DH thinks too many are silly. I think that occasions like this are helpful reminders to show appreciation for the partner and the relationship... (Which means we have to compromise...)

I don’t think buying anniversary / birthday gifts is an indication of how romantic someone is . We’ve been married for 29 yrs and don’t do cards or gifts for anniversary’s or Valentine’s Day ( stopped after the first one I think) but my dh is extremely romantic and has written me loads of poetry over the years and does lots of romantic things .

I often get flowers for my birthday from people who don't appreciate that I'm on holiday at the time. I would love a gift like that. It shows love and thought.

You are expecting a present? MY MY you get a thoughtful present and sulk. Poor old you.

At least he remembered and there is logic behind it!! I’ve been married 9yrs next month and you ask my husband the date and he’ll give you about 10 different answers before getting the right one (by accident) 😂

Sounds like a very thoughtful husband

I always think you should get presents someone would enjoy. For an anniversary, I would get something both of us could enjoy together.

Last year, I was on mat leave so I didn't have alot of money. I got DH a picnic bag so we can all go on picnics together. It was wine glasses in it and plates and a nice blanket. It wasn't much but the thought was there.
The previous year, when I was pregnant, we had a weekend away together and it was lovely.

Fruit is unusual... but he obviously had thought about it. Maybe a bit of an odd choice/conclusion to come to but he still thought of you and he still tried to make it a thoughtful present... that shouldn't be shunned.

Just think of all the nice things you can do with it? Banana bread? Fruit salad? Fruit lollies? strugglingtomakesuggestionsthatareexciting

It was my 2nd anniversary this year and I got nothing, not even a card. I’d have loved a fruit basket, or any gift at all really.