AIBU to think it shouldn’t cost £200 for DD aged 4 to take part in a ballet show?

[Churrolicious]

Genuinely not sure if I’m being unreasonable and want some advice.

DD is 4 and goes to a half hour ballet class one afternoon a week. It’s part of a dance school and the older kids work to exams etc, but she’s basically running around in a tutu waving a wand and learning to curtsey. She loves it and it’s really improved her listening skills / attention span so all good.

But we’ve just been told we need to sign up for the Christmas show, to be held at a local theatre. Four evening performances and one matinee. Every class of the school will do some bits. Younger kids can go home at the interval but it’s a full commitment.

We need to sign a contract to say we’ll do it, and agree to pay an admin fee (£50 per family), agree to paying for costumes (around £30 a costume minimum, depending on how many numbers they’re in), agree to two full weekend dress rehearsals (payable at class hourly rate) and contribution to chaperones. We estimate that it’ll be just shy of £200 and that’s before (presumably) we’ll have to stump up for tickets for said thing too. Once we’ve signed the contract we’re liable for the money whether DD takes part or not. We have to return the contract the first class back in September.

AIBU to think this is lunacy? I never did dancing or anything as a kid, so have no clue, is this standard practice? DD starts school in September and tends to be asleep at 7pm. Evening performances don’t start until 7.30pm even if we could get her there for them!

I don’t want her to feel left out and I worry I’m partly being cheap and partly just don’t get the ballet thing but AIBU to say no thanks? And to seriously be considering that if they’ll be spending all next term rehearsing for this it’s time to move her elsewhere?

Ive had two children go through two different dance schools & I think those charges are ridiculous. I also used to run drama classes myself.

Dance School 1 (Dd serious dancer)

Higher normal class fee £7.50 per 45 min lesson
1 Extra class at the weekend to put group dances together
No charge for dress rehearsals
£14 per ticket
Costume to be bought approx £20-30 per dance (dd did ballet, tap, modern & contemporary)

Ds (recreational dancer)
Lower normal class price (3.50-4.450 per class)
About 2-3 extra weekend rehearsals at normal class rate
£12 ticket price
Costumes to be bought approx £10-30 per outfit)
Dress rehearsal charged at £3.50 per child.
Ds did Drama, musical theatre (2 numbers) & was asked to be in a jazz dance)

My classes were higher class rate £10 per hour
No extra rehearsals
All costumes were provided except simple accessories
£10 ticket cost.

Sounds like a dance school near me

DD's one is a lot more laidback we pay for the costume (20 ish pounds) and £5 a ticket to cover costs.

DS drama school just charged £3 a ticket and that was it

Oh, and on the odd occasion costumes have needed to be hired rather than bought the cost has been £10-15 per costume.

It is the dress rehearsal charge that seems really expensive. I don't think DDs' school have ever charged for the whole day. They just charge the price of a lesson. As there are usually lots of classes at the rehearsals at once they can still make enough money to pay the teachers for a whole day. For the younger children parents volunteer to be chaperones and they also get some of the older children (over 16s) to help out so there is no cost there. Charging for the whole day seems like profiteering.

My DD has been doing dancing for 3 years now, and she loves the show every year! I live in the midlands and I only pay £21 for the costume hire. We then pay about £8 per ticket. She does 3 performances, and yes it’s a very full on week. She is also absolutely exhausted at the end of it!!
My concern in your situation would be that she will be at the end of her first term at school also.

I would maybe look at alternative schools that are a bit more relaxed? Or who do their show at a different time of year....
Good luck.

It seems very expensive. I can understand paying for the class time and costumes, even though £30 seems a lot for a costume. But the other expenses are ridiculous. Tickets should cover the cost of hiring the theatre (if not then they need to choose a cheaper venue). Parents should be chaperoning for free. And what on earth is the admin fee for? (other than further lining their pockets?!)

As a child I remember shaking a bucket in the shopping centre and doing sponsored events and bag packs to contribute towards the cost of putting on a show. The fundraising was arranged by parents and was as much a part of it all as the actual dancing. Might this be an option for your group?

No it doesn't but you are going to give a very different experience to those taking part if you choose to do so rather than having them wear a leotard and perform in a school hall.
From the point of view of a 4 yr old? There are options in between 5 nights of expensive theatre and school hall though. Ours use a local theatre, one day, two shows for the older kids and one for the little ones (also charge less and use simpler, cheaper costumes for younger ones which is much more proportional to their degree of actual participation and investment in it), lots of volunteer help and some creativity make the costumes hugely cheaper, they still get the experience of performing on a stage to a big audience. They make a huge effort not to do things which will rule some children out on cost. Dance shouldn't only be a hobby for the ridiculously rich.

Or only for the ridiculously dedicated - 5 nights at the end of term? Most kids have other hobbies too.

We spent over £250 on tickets for a few family members, had a 120 mile round trip, sat through a three and a half hour performance and our four year old budding dancer was on the stage for two minutes absolute maximum, in a costume that made her completely unidentifiable. Older members of the company - who I have to say were very good indeed - spent the majority of the time on stage dancing and singing. I think these affairs are to showcase the older and more experienced talent, which is fair enough, and our little one didn't have much to offer but be prepared for a long day and a lot of money spent to see a quick glimpse of your child! Seems to be how things go with dance classes. I suppose if your child stays with the class and finally gets her turn to shine at about twelve or fourteen it works out fair, but you are heavily subsidising the older children.

This was what happened to us, too. And yes - despite having paid throng the nose for costumes and committing all of our space time/ family life to rehearsals etc, we had to stump up for tickets.

The crunch came when one of DD's classmates (aged 6) was unwell on the night of one of the performances - poor little soul, it was the night her mama and dad and family were there, and she was full of cold.

Her mam said "Don't worry, pet - we'll get you out of your costume and you can sit on my knee and watch"

IT WAS NOT ALLOWED BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T HAVE A TICKET!

Her mother had to miss the entire (expensive) performance to take her home (and of course the rest of the family left as well.

It was a really mean and spiteful thing to do IMO.

These performances are mainly advertising for the stage/ ballet schools anyway. They are greedy twats.

I confess that I've not had time to read all the posts, but this cost seems quite ludicrous. Costumes need not be so expensive - or perhaps they could re-use costumes from previous performances to keep the cost down and average out any additional costs between students. And £50 admin per student? Insane. Sounds as though your dance teacher thinks that she doesn't earn enough and needs a supplement.
Three of my children did dance lessons of various types and the Christmas and end of year performances were low key, in their normal dance outfits, held after the normal classes. Absolutely no charges for anything.

My daughter was at a dance school - we were totally sucked into the show (boat). The costs were way out of proportion to the actual stage time that she took up in the very early years. She had no clue what to do in her first show and was walked around the stage by an older student dancer :-) The lessons from September are all based around the show (so you're contributing to the show every week anyway) but your little one will be oblivious that it is leading up to something. The older girls who are really into it thoroughly enjoy the show weekends, they gain confidence and they are contributing big time to the great time you and your family will have watching her - the little ones are just very tired and unsure. You also have to be there as chaperone, and spend a lot of time in the changing facility doing not very much.

poster Katherine2626
So well put!! Exactly what you are doing!! Subsidising the older children. However, I don't ever remember paying an admin fee - and If a few of the parents of the youngest children queried this and said they did not feel it was justified, they may have to rethink that levy to their bills!!

Also - no photographs were allowed at the show, but could be ordered from their site, together with the DVD that was produced by their chosen photographer!!

Our last show:
Rehersals took place in class
No admin fee
Tickets £10 each
Costumes £10 each
Rehersal fee £5 as theatre hire contribution

It was lovely not for £200 though!

Daughter been dancing for 5 years at a school in quite an affluent area. Show costumes usually £30-50 altogether. No extra rehearsals, no fee for dress rehearsal which is usually on the same day as performance. They do one performance at a theatre in the city centre and we pay about £13 for each ticket - flat rate for all. She even danced at a community dance show at the Royal Albert Hall and they just wore a previous show's costume. Also their shows are a slick two hour event with an interval - I went to one that was four hours long recently for a friend's daughters dance show. So shop around - there are more reasonable dance schools out there

Both my dd have danced since they were 2, eldest dd (19)is now in the business, youngest dd (14) is still dancing but probably won't take it further. Was it expensive.... Yes, would I change it.... No. They've made friends for life, its made them strong,, healthy, independent women exactly what I would want for them, they rarely are bored. I'd suggest go with the flow of you can afford it, if not find a cheaper school, but I promise you will never forget or grow tired of the pride you feel when they are doing something they love. However dh might disagree and say they reel you in with initial the half hour class and before you know it you're 17 years on and it's life consuming (he wouldn't have it any other way though really).

YADNBU.
When they do exams, you have to buy new satin ballet shoes. The ribbons are cut on the day of exam - so they can literally only wear the shoes once.
Next exam - more shoes.
It is ridiculous, and totally unnecessary. Do they fail kids without pristine shoes? Is it more important than their actual skills?
We lost the will when my eldest had to repeat a whole year because she'd broken a wrist just before exam week. She was completely demotivated.
When I told them she would not be back, somehow they reshuffled the exam so she could take it shortly after her group, and continue with her friends.
We had already lost interest at that point - thank goodness.

I think you're doing the right thing in looking for another dance school. I was told by the teacher that DD would have to leave the dance school she attended if she didn't do their show. She was 5 at the time and did dancing as a hobby. I was not prepared to pay lots of money and give up lots of time for her to spend 2 minutes on stage.

do not pay this it is a rip off , they are having you over , she is 4 ffs my son done acting and the cost was about £70 but it was about 10 years ago and about 3 days put into the show do not pay this money

Sounds very similar to ours. I had three kids dancing at one point (about 11 classes, so 11 costumes, etc etc). For our school, the show is the annual fundraiser, as well as the opportunity for the kids to show their work. It’s very cute. You see the tinies essentially standing on the stage utterly baffled (and go through the whole ‘wtf have I spent this much money on?’ as a parent) but watch them grow and grow every year until the year they leave the school - when their skills are awe inspiring, their stage time is MUCH longer, their performance is amazing, and you know that they have been part of a community that has supported them to grow, and provided a discipline and background in hard work that will enable to succeed wherever their out-of-dance lives take them.
I love watching them develop over time - but yes, as a first time dance mum of a 4yo, the entire shenanigans is a bit ‘wtf’.
For me, it isn’t about dance. It’s about being part of a community and using those experiences to develop other skills - dd1 was never going to be a professional dancer - she danced because she loved it. It gave her so much - not only friendship, confidence, body acceptance, pride in her ability not her looks, a healthy distaste if make-up, an understanding about the nature of ‘performance’ and the difference between appearance and reality (across life), an ethos of hard work towards results, and the ability to appear solo in front of a crowd of people staring at you, to deal with disappointment and to support others, teamwork, event planning and operation. She also got the opportunity to teach as a senior student, earn wages, pass on her skills, and start the tinies on their own path.
It cost me a fecking fortune, and yet she has gained so much from her time as a dancer - from wobbly tot on stage for two minutes to flawless pointe, all overshadowed by the softer life skills - that I don’t begrudge a penny of it.

But yeah. I don’t dare add up how much it cost.

I no longer add it up because our yearly main show comes to well over £1000 in rehearsals, travel, costumes, tickets, and bi-annually hotel stay. The hours , the tantrums , the makeup, the hair, the diva fits, the costume dramas. Omig why on earth do I do this ????
Oh yes, because DD loves it.
It's a hard one and your DD has years ahead of it if she has the bug, but if you can afford it go along with it. X

Throwaway - we have never had ribbons cut on exams. And if we had, we would have just popped to the store and bought new ribbons... for a while we timed new shoes for exams but they were then used for practice until they were dead. Shoes ARE expensive though. And it takes so long to figure out which works for individual feet. I suppose it prepared me financially for university fees

Diva fits?
That’s a personality thang lol. Nothing to do with dance.

5 shows starting at 7.30pm is far too much for a child that age. She will hate it and be overtired and upset.
Honestly, I'd sign her up to gymnastics or another sport.

Don't do it!! We just had dd's ballet show and it was an absolute nightmare. Tickets cost loads, outfit cost loads, hair and make up pressure,numerous very lengthy rehearsals. She didn't even like it that much!