AIBU to think it shouldn’t cost £200 for DD aged 4 to take part in a ballet show?

[Churrolicious]

Genuinely not sure if I’m being unreasonable and want some advice.

DD is 4 and goes to a half hour ballet class one afternoon a week. It’s part of a dance school and the older kids work to exams etc, but she’s basically running around in a tutu waving a wand and learning to curtsey. She loves it and it’s really improved her listening skills / attention span so all good.

But we’ve just been told we need to sign up for the Christmas show, to be held at a local theatre. Four evening performances and one matinee. Every class of the school will do some bits. Younger kids can go home at the interval but it’s a full commitment.

We need to sign a contract to say we’ll do it, and agree to pay an admin fee (£50 per family), agree to paying for costumes (around £30 a costume minimum, depending on how many numbers they’re in), agree to two full weekend dress rehearsals (payable at class hourly rate) and contribution to chaperones. We estimate that it’ll be just shy of £200 and that’s before (presumably) we’ll have to stump up for tickets for said thing too. Once we’ve signed the contract we’re liable for the money whether DD takes part or not. We have to return the contract the first class back in September.

AIBU to think this is lunacy? I never did dancing or anything as a kid, so have no clue, is this standard practice? DD starts school in September and tends to be asleep at 7pm. Evening performances don’t start until 7.30pm even if we could get her there for them!

I don’t want her to feel left out and I worry I’m partly being cheap and partly just don’t get the ballet thing but AIBU to say no thanks? And to seriously be considering that if they’ll be spending all next term rehearsing for this it’s time to move her elsewhere?

It seems far too much for 4 year olds. At that age, they may find it all too much. One show is enough to allow them to have a go at performing and for their parents to see them perform.

This is why dd did steet dance as
opposed to ballet/tap

My DSDs did Street and it was just as bad as the OP has described. I think it depends on the dance school, not the type of dance.

This is why dd did steet dance as
opposed to ballet/tap

Doesn't really work for me TBH.

Fine for kids who want to have fun, but not a real dance discipline.

This is why we left the whole dance thing aged 5 it was utter madness I think tickets were £28 each and she was on for 5 minutes.

My girls’ ballet show was last Sunday, afternoon and evening performances, 2.30 and 6.30. Girls are 3 and 8. £19 for hire of two costumes, £17 on tickets for my husband and other daughter to watch. I was round the back getting them dressed, hair and make up so £15 on dvd so that I can watch it! It was optional for them to take part. Had to buy pink shorts and bright tshirt for the finale (they only did the afternoon one, evening too late) but they needed some new clothes anyway. So show expenditure minus clothes we keep was £51. Yours sounds ridiculous sorry

Yeahspeakout she was 4.

The only discipline she needed was be kind and bedtime and toothbrushing is non negotiable.

Maybe it was the street dance school we chose. On the basis we could walk to it. And it was cheap. And dd had fun. And her mate went too.

But at 4 that is the only thing I am thinking about if I am honest.

We have ponies too. I see this kind of obsession in the pony world. Kids getting up at daft oclock to go and do a show 6 hours away. £100's and £1000's of pounds of kit. Ponies costing 10-15k. Lorries worth more than a house. Show classes costing £80 plus overnight stabling at the same price.

My kids do local riding club shows. They can ride as well as the kids that qualify for hoys. They have as much if not more fun. Current pony cost £500. He is as correct as his brother that has qualified for every big show this season. My ds can ride as well as the 4 year old that qualified.

It's all about what the parents want. Not about the dcs. At 4 they do not understand what they are competing for. What dance school they are at. They just want to see their mam and nan clapping for them.

It's the parents that drive the ambition to do x,y,z.

When they are older they may understand more. But at 4 they are as happy at a £3 dance class doing a cheap show in the dance hall that parents have set up.as what they are the local theatre.

Let kids be kids.

Just don't go back. Why pay for a term that will be completely focused on the most expensive show on earth?

What can they do? Sue you?

A 4 year old will be happy at any class she can wear a tu-tu and twirl around. Save your money for her Christmas presents.

If I were you OP I would start looking for a different dance school. My child goes to a very traditional ballet only school. Many former pupils go on to big feeder schools for professional companies. At last years show she wore her class uniform and a tutu (provided by dance school), there was one afternoon rehearsal (no cost to us) and on the evening of the show parents volunteered in the dressing show. It was in a local theatre and tickets were only £12 each. Not all dance schools are out to fleece parents but it certainly sounds like the one your child attends is one of the bad ones.

My Dd has just done her first show. Her costume was £25 then £15 for shoes and tights. £12 each ticket for the show. Plus petrol money as the show was held 15 miles away.

They had a whole day rehearsal and then the show three nights.

What can they do? Sue you?

I’m presuming the OP signed some kind of contract when she enrolled her daughter, so yes. They can.

Whether they would or not, is another matter.

Depends on the dance school. Some are cheaper than others. My daughter has taken part in her schools dance show for the last six years. They try to keep costume prices low. My daughter had 4 last year and it came to about 45 quid; some were hired and some bought by parents. They also try to reuse a costume from a previous year and add new accessories to keep costs down.

That’s absolutely disgusting for a child that age. Plus far too many shows. £50 admin is a frigging joke. I’ve worked within dance schools as both teacher and admin and I’ve never heard of such ridiculousness. Both my daughters dance, they did a show last month. They were in five dances each and I paid about £200 in total. No admin fees, just the occasional extra class on top of normal fees which was £3.50 per class. My girls go to a large well established dance school that sends off at least six students a year to professional dance training and usually has three students per year at royal ballet associates plus many others at differing associate classes. There is no need for cost like that at her age. Sounds like they are more interested in the money and aesthetics than consideration for parents and students. I’d look at changing dance school.

My DD loved dance and is built for it - long limbs beautiful dancers feet and elegant. But hated the whole show thing. She did one and refused point blank to do another and as a result was sidelined. We left, she would still love to do it but wants the work and exercise without the shows, there isn't anywhere locally sadly that will allow that.

Having just sat down and re-read this thread with DH (whose face is a picture of horror at some of the tales on here!) I think we’ve decided to hand in notice in September and then start looking elsewhere for somewhere a bit less formal / intense. With it being the first term she’s at school I was half expecting a few late starts on a Saturday morning that meant she’d miss lessons so while potentially losing the money is annoying it’s not as bad as it could be (ironically the lessons themselves are much more reasonably priced than the show prices might indicate!).

Thanks so much everyone for taking time to post. It’s really help crystallise my thinking - I was worried I was being unreasonable because I wasn’t a dance type person and just didn’t get it. I feel faintly reassured now!

DD and ds went to a 3 hour dance, drama and singing lesson on a Saturday morning.

They had a t.shirt which cost a fiver and some jazz shoes. For 3 hours of lessons it was £4.50. Even for childcare you would pay more.

Even now I don't think they charge above £10.

The yearly show was done on a shoe string and parents get involved volunteering any sewing , hair and makeup skills.

Everyone enjoyed themselves at the show where the tickets were £3.

They had extra lessons during the week for those that wanted to do grades. Even then I think they were between £49-61 per term.

I think some places think that being expensive means they think they are good

I think some places think that being expensive means they think they are good

To be fair, how many hours/years do you think decent teachers will have invested in developing their skills? Surely they need to earn a living? Some of these activities are run by amateurs who have other work and do such things as a hobby and others are run by professionals who need to pay their mortgage. It is fair to assume that the standard of teaching is likely to be higher with a professional teacher.

Tabatha - and the cost of classes should reflect this. Adding on extortionate expenses for costumes, and "admin" and forcing parents to sign up to unreasonable practice and then charging for it has nothing to do with how much a teacher has trained.

As I said earlier in the thread, my child attends a ballet school with a fantastic reputation for excellence, with a very accomplished and highly trained teacher. They charge a reasonable rate for classes, but NEVER take the piss with extras. I suppose the difference is that our school wants to produce top quality ballet dancers, so the exams are more important than "shows".

Having a professional teacher doesn't mean you need a professional standard theatre and professional costumes to put on a show for the parents.

Some of the most expensive dance lessons have been the most rubbish teacher.

Years ago I looked into a full time dance school for dd.

I went to one of their open evenings. I came away thinking if that is what they do for nearly £6000 per term (this was 10 years ago) I think I will stick with £50 per term lessons on a Tuesday night.

Both had qualified teachers but one charged a tiny amount for a great lesson and one charged at extortionate amount for a crap one

Having a professional teacher doesn't mean you need a professional standard theatre and professional costumes to put on a show for the parents

No it doesn't but you are going to give a very different experience to those taking part if you choose to do so rather than having them wear a leotard and perform in a school hall.

""What can they do? Sue you?""

A similar situation was featured on "can't pay, we'll take it away".

The contracts are watertight and can be put through Court, the debtor picks up the cost for that, so it's win/win for the Dance School. The Mothers Bill was £600 for the year, she ended up having to pay nearly £2k. She had ignored the first load of letters, thinking it was a joke.

At my daughters damce school we pay £50 each for costumes and rehearsals and the rest of the money we get by fundraising. Some parents still think that's too much!

My DD wanted to try ballet and tap as a friend was doing it. At the time she was attending a very chilled, fun all styles class that just had summer fairs and gala performances.

We went to a taster session at the new ballet school, and the commitment, both in time and money, was ridiculous.

I felt like saying to the teacher that my DD was 5 years old, and she was enrolling in Italia Conti , so thanks but no thanks.

All I hear from other parents is that a lot of these classes end in shows where a bunch of 5-6 year olds walk slowly across stage in tu-tu's.

If I were you I would find a more chilled out ,less expensive class.

Actually think IC and SY, the 2 main London theatre schools that do part
time classes are probably less expensive than some dance schools that have think they are really fantastic and you should pay £hundreds per term for the privilege

Sounds like a rip off. My children have been doing theatre/dance for many years and while it is expensive nowadays (they are teenagers) costs were much lower at age 4 or 5. I always felt that the teachers were making an effort to keep costs as low as possible with costumes etc and there were no long weekend rehearsals. That would be very tiring for children that young and just doesn't seem necessary.