AIBU to think it shouldn’t cost £200 for DD aged 4 to take part in a ballet show?

[Churrolicious]

Genuinely not sure if I’m being unreasonable and want some advice.

DD is 4 and goes to a half hour ballet class one afternoon a week. It’s part of a dance school and the older kids work to exams etc, but she’s basically running around in a tutu waving a wand and learning to curtsey. She loves it and it’s really improved her listening skills / attention span so all good.

But we’ve just been told we need to sign up for the Christmas show, to be held at a local theatre. Four evening performances and one matinee. Every class of the school will do some bits. Younger kids can go home at the interval but it’s a full commitment.

We need to sign a contract to say we’ll do it, and agree to pay an admin fee (£50 per family), agree to paying for costumes (around £30 a costume minimum, depending on how many numbers they’re in), agree to two full weekend dress rehearsals (payable at class hourly rate) and contribution to chaperones. We estimate that it’ll be just shy of £200 and that’s before (presumably) we’ll have to stump up for tickets for said thing too. Once we’ve signed the contract we’re liable for the money whether DD takes part or not. We have to return the contract the first class back in September.

AIBU to think this is lunacy? I never did dancing or anything as a kid, so have no clue, is this standard practice? DD starts school in September and tends to be asleep at 7pm. Evening performances don’t start until 7.30pm even if we could get her there for them!

I don’t want her to feel left out and I worry I’m partly being cheap and partly just don’t get the ballet thing but AIBU to say no thanks? And to seriously be considering that if they’ll be spending all next term rehearsing for this it’s time to move her elsewhere?

We never had to pay for the rehearsals though.

Ours was at a proper theatre (not a huge one but proper theatre) and they were happy with parent helpers. Wow betide those parents that wouldnt/couldnt.

Gosh im glad we're out of it!

My DD was in a show when she was 4. We paid £5 towards the costumes which the dance school kept. We paid for theatre tickets to watch, but no further costs. The next year DD had chickenpox so couldn't take part. The year after that, all the classes were about the show and I found it too intense so we left.

What happens to the costumes that you've paid for yourself? Do you get to keep them? Although i can see that some dance schools re-use costumes year after year, it seems madness that this isn't the norm, especially for the littlest dancers.

Not all ballet schools are like that, ours is quite informal, even down to exams it's up to the child if they want to take exams. My daughter stopped exams years ago after the examiner reduced her to tears. Still progresses through the classes same as the others.
Shows are for fun, only pay for a contribution towards costumes, any extra rehearsals are free and no Admin fee. Only two performances and not evening so the little ones can join in.
Find a more relaxed class

My daughters been in two shows and costumes were between £10-25 (she has two this year). No other costs apart from tickets , dvd etc . I would not pay £200 .

The dance school DD went to which charged the most for any show she has ever been in had parents doing the chaperoning. However the notice to the parent Chaperones involved an instructions to make sure other children were dressed and make up done not just their own children, to not drink alcohol back stage and no fighting!!!

Jesus Christ!

I haven’t read the whole thread but the first two pages have made me glad that my kids are lazy buggers who don’t want to do dance.

A volunteer chaperone licence costs about £30 and lasts 3 years. They cannot be paid beyond out of pocket expenses. Most will get more than one show out of it, especially if their dc are regular performers with other groups. Parent helpers can be dbs checked (which is free as a volunteer or transferrable from a role such as teacher) the main difference being they cannot have sole charge of children but can support the statutory ratios. Unless the dance school is funding licences the on-costs are limited.

I think many pa groups build an element into their class charges to accumulate a fund over time for future shows. We have never paid an admin fee or show charge for dancing but have for musical theatre productions (to help cover costs such as rights to show licence, theatre and rehearsal venue hire, hire of set and costumes etc) although most adults involved volunteer their time.

I also think it's bonkers bit it seems to be the way dancing is. ... None of mine did it thankfully.

A friend of mine's DD took part in a show recently, and not only was there the huge cost, commitment and late nights on school nights, they also had to queue for tickets from 4 am to see the show!! Basically, there are plenty of tickets but it is a big venue, so people like to get close enough so their child on stage sees them. Tickets are first come first served and can be bought from a local primary school on a Saturday morning. People started queuing early outside, so this year the school opened the hall from 4am so people could get in the queue for them to start selling at 8am!! No doubt next year they will open at 3 am!

It's utter lunacy and I could only laugh when told.

Maybe find out the arrangements for ticket sales before you commit OP

`When I did dance you paid for the costume but not for an admin fee, chaperones or extra rehearsals! We just did one show and had one weekend rehearsal thing. The rest of the practise was during class, madness!

to not drink alcohol back stage and no fighting!!!

What? A a children's dance show?

I have never heard of any alcohol backstage.

My DDs dance school has 400 pupils.

No alcohol backstage- the older kids are all 120% motivated to dance, it would never cross their mind, not even the 17/18 year olds.

Most of the older dancers have 10-12 dances each, quick costume changes, gruelling routines, no way would alcohol fit into that mix.

The “don’t drink alcohol” was aimed at the chaperones wasn’t it?

My daughter dances competitively and is at a serious dance school. The big show is expensive as she does 5 disciplines, but when she was 4 and only in pre-school ballet it was cheap as heck: about £15 for a simple costume, no rehearsal fees etc.

Now she's getting to higher grades and is in loads of numbers it's eye-watering.

Yes I did say the notice to the parent Chaperones.

Just had an image of DD and her friends at 4 years old swigging Jack Daniels.

It's mad yes.

My DD has just been asked to go to an extra class in addition to her Saturday class so she can take part in a festival.

I've worked out it will cost me £46 a month for the next 4 months before costumes and tickets and it's actually impossible to get her there after school.

I've said no and the dance school are rather disappointed at not getting their extra cash!

In comparison this summer she could do a 5 day course with stagecoach for £180 with a performance at the end of the week.

If you want to splash the cash on getting your child in a show there's plenty of companies who will take your money

"there is little point in the lessons if you're not in the show."

Rubbish. There are plenty of hobbies that build skill that don't culminate in a "show" at the end of every term. I do adult ballet FFS and I don't feel the need to perform at the end of every set of lessons. As the OP says, it is good for her daughter's attention span and listening skills, and will improve her proficiency.

OP I just wouldn't send her to the show this year. Maybe every second or third year.

DD does musical dance and singing and her school does a huge bi—annual show and a smaller one for older children in the alternate years meaning each July DD is at the theatre.

We pay £20 in the show term as extra costs plus costumes. Chaprones are volunteers anyway, why do you need to contribute? Rehearsals are normally free, costs are covered by the said £20 already.

In total with at least 4-5 numbers per show we are around £100 plus show photos and DVD afterwards.

But DD was 9 when it started and enjoys it and gets a lot out of it. At 4 i wouldn’t have bothered and looked for a new school. It is nice for them to have a wow-moment but at that age they get it from a bit dressed up room with chairs for the adults as well.

My daughters danced, went to two schools and I'd say the costs were similar. I remember moving house when DD1 did her first dance show and so we were on a very tight budget at the time, so I tracked every penny we spent, and with tickets to watch, makeup etc, the whole thing came to about £250. That was 8 years ago.

In the first dance school we had to pay for the costume (about £30), £3 for every rehearsal lesson (these were separate from normal lessons as not all children chose to be in the show), a deposit, Props, and then make up etc, not to mention the professional photos (£3 each 7x5), DVD etc...

The second dance school was lower key in its show, cheaper costumes, free rehearsals and no programme message, dvd or photo extras.

But in defence of the dance schools, they can be insanely expensive to put on. I seem to remember being told it cost thousands to hire the theatre, and each backdrop alone cost 5k to buy...

That said, Ive never an admin fee nor a chaperone fee.

I am so glad my DSDs don’t do dancing anymore, the costs were astronomical!

They were 7 and 10 when they started. It all sounds a bit much at 4, does your DD really want to do it? Can’t you find her something that’s just a bit more fun, rather than the pressure of competitions?

Re the “don’t drink alcohol”...... yes loads of the mums used to sit in the crowds at the comps and swig away on booze hidden in juice bottles, then whoop and shout

So many posts since I last logged in, thanks for all the responses (even if they arent what I wanted to hear - and the 4am ticket queueing is lunacy!).

For posters asking, the fee for costumes is hire charge so we don’t get to keep after. No option for the sort of thing I expected, which was to be told they all need to wear x colour of leggings or x tshirt or whatever as well as a few other prop bits.

I think I have to start investigating other dance schools for something a bit more low key, even if she stays on for some of next term before rehearsals start in earnest. We’ve got to pay the money anyway, as the earliest we can give notice is September.

It’s just like I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole!

This is why dd did steet dance as opposed to ballet/tap.

Street dance class was something like £3. They did a show. We bought hoodies which were about £12. Which she wore for lessons anyway. Costume was black leggings and a 'funky' t shirt we could chose. The second dance they did was based on High school musical which was just out at the time. We had the HSM dress up outfit anyway. Those that didn't could just wear red and white and blue.

We also started a ballet/tap/jazz class in the same year. Cost me about £100 for the basic uniform. £12 an hour for lessons. Then the teacher wanted a similar commitment for the show. When I saw the potential cost I said we wouldn't be participating. She told us unless we did she couldn't guarantee a place next term for dd. Told her to shove it then.

She wasn't oversubscribed and didn't have a waiting list. In fact she was advertising everywhere for new pupils.

Dd carried on for another 3 years with street dance. 3 more shows. About £30 max for each show.

There are ballet schools that do stuff properly but are still realistic about parents' budgets and small children's wanting to do things just for fun. We looked for combination of qualified teachers, older students achieving well, and younger students having fun without too much fuss about uniforms or exams or hairstyles.