AIBU to think it shouldn’t cost £200 for DD aged 4 to take part in a ballet show?

[Churrolicious]

Genuinely not sure if I’m being unreasonable and want some advice.

DD is 4 and goes to a half hour ballet class one afternoon a week. It’s part of a dance school and the older kids work to exams etc, but she’s basically running around in a tutu waving a wand and learning to curtsey. She loves it and it’s really improved her listening skills / attention span so all good.

But we’ve just been told we need to sign up for the Christmas show, to be held at a local theatre. Four evening performances and one matinee. Every class of the school will do some bits. Younger kids can go home at the interval but it’s a full commitment.

We need to sign a contract to say we’ll do it, and agree to pay an admin fee (£50 per family), agree to paying for costumes (around £30 a costume minimum, depending on how many numbers they’re in), agree to two full weekend dress rehearsals (payable at class hourly rate) and contribution to chaperones. We estimate that it’ll be just shy of £200 and that’s before (presumably) we’ll have to stump up for tickets for said thing too. Once we’ve signed the contract we’re liable for the money whether DD takes part or not. We have to return the contract the first class back in September.

AIBU to think this is lunacy? I never did dancing or anything as a kid, so have no clue, is this standard practice? DD starts school in September and tends to be asleep at 7pm. Evening performances don’t start until 7.30pm even if we could get her there for them!

I don’t want her to feel left out and I worry I’m partly being cheap and partly just don’t get the ballet thing but AIBU to say no thanks? And to seriously be considering that if they’ll be spending all next term rehearsing for this it’s time to move her elsewhere?

The dress rehearsal and chaperone fees are unusual ime - is there any mention of parent volunteers being needed backstage? I'm assuming not if you're being charged. As someone who had years of being expected to give up my weekends unpaid to supervise kids backstage I actually have some respect for a school paying its staff for their time (assuming that's why the dress rehearsal and chaperone fees are charged) - obviously an additional expense for parents though and completely understandable that you wouldn't want to pay so much when your daughter is so young and hasn't experienced performing on a stage so you can't be sure she'll enjoy it.

I did ballet from 3 to 26 at a few different schools - the quality of education and training can vary massively from school to school. If your daughter loves it then please don't move her somewhere less established/formal or, in the worst case, with unqualified teachers just because of the cost of the show and dress it up as "big girls ballet", you might come to regret it if she still has a passion for it in a few years time but isn't receiving quality training. Surely she can continue at the school without taking part in the show?

That's outrageous for a tiny child.

DD's dance school did do a show but the two youngest ballet classes weren't in it, we just went to a showing at the end of term where we sat in their class. It was very sweet. But the big show was just ticket costs. There were a few costumes for the older kids which there was a cost for, though. But not as much as previously mentioned on this post. And, vitally, no make up for the young ones.

I'd try and find a more relaxed school.

We've moved on from dance now to horse riding (she had to choose as we couldn't afford both). Now that is eye watering...

Oh I should possibly mention - we chose DD's dance school really carefully as I work in the industry (tangentially now) and was very aware of bad practice, good teaching qualifications etc. Do ask for qualifications etc.

my daughter does dancing various types (freestyle, ballet, cheer etc) £6 for a 2 hour lesson, does one show a year and we only pay £30 towards costumes (normally have 4-5 different outfits) the dance teacher does own them she pays for the cleaning afterwards and the rest towards new outfits etc, we are £10 a ticket for the show and can buy raffle tickets etc on the night, we pay £10 for the dvd as strictly no videos or photos in the venue unless they are approved by dance teacher and venue so normally have the same person every year. the photos are 5 for £25 obviously photos and dvd are optional. we only pay the standard £6 for dance class which is rehearsals every week. so all in im under £100 the teacher then gives them a present after the show which is normally a bag of sweets, and has a party for them which she provides all food and drinks bouncy castle etc, so to be honest i think my costs are quite reasonable. i dont understand why there is an admin fee and why its so high?

That's a silly amount of money really.

It's pretty sad they'll be excluding an entire demographic based on income and sometimes I wonder if it isn't deliberate, at least partially.

Fuck that! Give her a tutu and wand and let her run around the park.

Just wanted to comment and say that you are quite right in thinking that the classes will now focus solely on learning the routine for the show and that the kids not in it will get shoved at the back and ignored.

If you decide not to do it, I would move her to a more low key school and decline to pay the terms notice on the basis of failure to disclose.

She may enjoy the classes at the moment but the focus on the show will probably diminish her enjoyment

That seems excessive for her age. Surely not many parents can afford that?

Madness - my daughter is 11 and has been doing jazz, tap and ballet for 5 years. She's done lots of shows including major theatres. Most I have ever paid is £30 for costumes. Dance school makes money from the ticket sales to parents to pay for hire of venues. Chaperones are parent volunteers.

And sorry - my daughter's dance school has NEVER charged extra for extra lessons before shows.

I’d pull her out for the term and offer to pay for the spring term early (and attend that) or refuse to pay on the basis the lessons will geared towards the show and they didn’t make a full and timely disclosure of the extra costs you would be liable for.

I'd do this. The admin fee is a bit on its own. And the trowelled-on make-up would put me right off, too.

Even without the cost, that's a big time commitment for the end of term and just before Christmas. Your DD will be exhausted at the end of her first term at school, so you may find that she can't physically do the performances or by doing them she misses out on other activities and/or becomes tired and grumpy to the extend that it spoils the rest of the run-up to Christmas for her and for everyone else.

If she's still interested in dance in 6 months (which is a significant amount of time when you are 4) then I'd buy tickets and take her to see one performance so she can enjoy the magic and dance in the aisle. If she's still keen next year, she'll be 12 months older and you'll have a better idea of how many activities happen at school around the same time and whether she is keen enough on dance to devote that amount of time and money to it.

Magic should read music...

I think every single cost you have mentioned is nuts for a 4 year old - show at the local theatre why?? Costumes at £30 why? Admin fee, pardon? Full weekend rehearsals are you insane? The paid chaperones make sense as they will earn their money stopping four year olds going crazy at that schedule.

But most of all I agree with the pp who said signing up for something this extreme during the Christmas term of ?year 1 is particularly nuts. That term goes on for ever, all the kids get exhausted and ill and are learning tons of new stuff at school. I would pull her out pronto. Be careful with swimming lessons too, ds used to get utterly exhausted by them.

Can you find someone who will do a special tinies' class, and charge properly for their time but without doing more than a 'parents' performance' with some sparkly scarves at the end of term?

Can you switch to another dance school? Our show is 2 performances in one day plus a dress rehearsal the day before so the hire charge is lower. There is a small charge to take part iirc approx £10 to cover theater hire. Costumes are hired at £5 per dance. All chaperones are volunteers. I cant remember ticket price but its reasonable.You are then fleeced for the programme, dvd and photos afterwards.

All very reasonable. Plus the show is only held once every 18 months to spread the costs out.

Yours is daylight robbery.

It's a ridiculous amount of money and time and it's completely unnecessary. My DD went to a similar dance school and I pulled her out because of this sort of stuff. We found a much better, more inclusive and less expensive school which was brilliant. They do exist but you have to look carefully.
She is now grown up, has worked as a professional dancer and still works in the industry but not as a performer.

Back in the day we all paid the same costume fee and costumes were reused year on year with only a few numbers getting totally new ones.

Parents volunteered to chaperone and we paid for rehearsals but no admin fees or anything else. Photos in costume were an added extra after.

And yes class was totally taken up with rehearsals after warmup.

I have experienced several dance/drama/singing classes over the years and only one had this type of set up and that was the one that did only dance.

Most had shows, some didn't, but the ones that did would be concious of costs to the parents. They might ask a group of the older ones to come in for extra rehearsals but not the little ones.

DDS first dance show outfit cost about £3 and parents had to supply tights and ribbons and their dance shoes. I think some of the mums who could operate a sewing machine cut out the dresses from a pattern and stitched the pieces together.

As your DD gets older she could be in 5 or 6 dances and you could end up with a bill for nearly £200.

It doesn't have to be like that.

I think you need to find another dance lesson

Oh after dance party at a cost, photos at a cost, dvd at a cost. All optional but they will want it.

This was supposedly a cheaper community dance school but she must have made her money from the shows!! She worked her trainee teachers to the bone.

Sounds typical of some dance schools. Ours bought 'professional' costumes which we had to pay for at £75 each and said the kids get to keep them. Great, when is she ever going to wear a £75 tutu again? . Absolutely ridiculous as all the audience are parents who would be just as charmed if the kids performed in their normal leotards. The over the top-ness of it all put us off continuing to attend after that.

My daughter now goes to a stage school where they charge everyone £10 for costumes, and those costumes go into their stock to be reused or adapted for future shows. Much more sensible.

We had to pay 20 for one costume and then i spent hours sewing sequins on it. It put me off my daughter doung more disciplines.

I think the stage schools or those that do singing/dance/drama sound more sensible!

Our dance school charges £3 per costume. Up to a maximum of £9.
So DD who did 10 dances in the last show was charge only £9 in total.

But the costumes belong to the dance school- they buy and keep them, have thousands of costumes, so they are cleaned and put back into the store room after each show.

Not not sure if this is any help, but this sort of shit is why we no longer do dance.

This, and DD wanted to go to Beavers instead.

She did do “ballet” from age 2-5 and was in a couple of shows in a local theatre, with numbers by every class in the dance school.

We paid £10 for her costume both times and about £10 per ticket, limited to 3 per family - so about £40 all in.

£50 admin fee?

If you find a good dance school who does not want to rip you off then dance can be a life changing thing for kids.

Chaperones have to be registered with the council where I am so, even if they are parent volunteers, there is a cost involved. I think if it was at a hall rather than a proper theatre, this would be be an issue though. I think DD’s school give chaperones a discount on the show fee.