To be slightly contentious and admit I find my friends boring now

[otterlygreat]

They all, without exception, have under 5s.

I’m not a complete bitch and I do get it. But just the same, when I see them, it’s largely pointless as it’s just constant interruptions from toddlers. We have to sit in soft play or parks or farms with school canteen food and high chairs. Topics of conversation are sleep and potty training. Even anything about work is linked to the kids, like the difficulty of going back part time.

As a result, I’m on my own more often than not.

The irony is when I look for things to do, everything aimed at a thirty something woman is aimed at meeting other mums!

And yes new job new opportunities.

Not everyone in their 30s has young kids or kids at all. I had 4 in school aged 35! No way would I want child friendly meet ups.

I love your post KC, very honest.

You sound so defeatest op!

Come on chin up! Ask your friends to meet up one evening this month and google groups new interests in your area. Don’t be that passive people pleaser any more go out and grab yourself some new fun and interests.

You don't have to be friends with people your age though, I have friends 10-20 years younger/older than me. Don't rule anything out.

Not everyone in their 30s has young kids or kids at all. I had 4 in school aged 35! No way would I want child friendly meet ups

YY to this (and thanks for the nice words earlier @Seasawride).

I’m 30-something, I’m way past the toddler stage.

I think widening your circle and starting some new friendships is a great thing. They don’t have to be bosom-buddies; just people you enjoy spending time with.

Do you think you might be depressed? This situation isn't ideal, but you sound so sad and beaten. Like it really has had a major impact on you.

Not all friends grow naturally, sometimes you can just run with the new ones and have fun, not everything has to be terribly meaningful.

Without wishing to sound negative myself, many of your friends relationships won't make it one way or another and they will soon be back on the scene with a different perspective, and even the ones that do survive will be eager to leave nappyworld at some point and rejoin the adult world. It will happen.

And also, I'm in my 30s but my kids are WELL past the nappies and interrupting stage. They pass through briefly for snacks and then return to their life support computers

Yes I think so paul I think it’s just wherever I go, I think women of my age will have small kids

I don’t know exactly how old you are but in 2016 approx 30% of women aged 30-34 were child free. Another significant percentage of women in their 30’s will have older children who don’t dominate their lives quite so much.

And I detest child friendly meetups. And so do my kids, who would rather not be in the room with a load of people saying "Oh my haven't you got tall, you're taller than me, my 4 year old will LOVE you to sit and play with him for three hours while I ignore his horrible behaviour, take him over there, will you darling?"

Exactly jaques and paul

I am now 50 and have close friends ages 30 up to 67!!

You need new interests op and you need to stop being passive and arrange that takeaway with the old friends.

Welcome jaques

Weekends were a massive no no with friends with kids

Yes, I know some couples with kids who also keep the internet off at weekends. And then there are the childless people who spend all weekend on hobbies and rarely have time for people who don't do the same hobby. Weekends are very different in late 30s/early 40s than as twentysomethings and you need to find different ways to occupy yourself if you don't have kids - it's during the week that a wider range of people are in touch.

You do sound a bit defeatist about the making friends thing. What hobbies do you have? Round here there are a lot of groups and activities (like walking, cycling, climbing, watersports, litter picking, conservation and other community events) to take part in and meet new people. I’ve even made friends on evening courses at college. Before you say it 30ish isn’t old for these activities. I’m nearly 40 and will have a crack at anything, and there are people much older than me doing the same! Sure they aren’t as fast or strong as the younger group members but they still take part and have a good time!

My hardest to pin down at weekends friend is my early 30’s, divorced, child free friend who is so busy doing glam things with her child free friends that she doesn’t want to spend her Saturday night having take away and wine with me at home because I haven’t got childcare!

Weekends were a massive no no with friends with kids

I’m a single parent. Every other weekend is great for me. It’s all about finding people in a situation that matches with yours. Doesn’t have to be the same situation, just ones that can work around each other

Oh yy Colditz my older ones used to hide upstairs from my friends and their toddlers.

You don't have to be friends with people your age though, I have friends 10-20 years younger/older than me. Don't rule anything out.

Agreed. As a childless (not by choice) woman I never felt quite in step with my contemporaries through my 20s and 30s, they all had children. But I made friend with people older than me who either had no children or older children and now I’m in my 50s I have younger friends too.

I get you OP and that’s why I really try cherished these pockets of heaven when I wasn’t mum (so no dcs and able tontal about something else than children).
Except that very few women wanted to meet me there and Thought I was weird for wanting to meet them wo the dcs.....

I’m not sure ... I did have friends who were older than me but even then it’s all kind of focussed on kids but in a different way.

Honestly I'd say try to ride the storm!
I have several friends (child free through choice) who sound like you.
3 of mine were under 4 at one point.
I'd have to cancel meet ups, talked about how tired I was, lacked empathy for their 'early starts' at 8 am on their day off
They must have thought I was flaky, prattled on about shite, had completely different interests.
But now the wave of nappies, dummies, sleep, etc has waned. I'm getting out slightly more. I can see how things I may feel are less important in life are to others.
There are one or two that fell away forever, but the important ones are there, and there are still elements of the old, fun me to be wheeled out occasionally.

I’ve got older kids and even I don’t want to spend my time around people with small ones. I’ve been there and done it and I would rather gouge my own eyes out with a fork than sit in softplay ever again. Babysitters. That’s what they’re for. Why can’t your friends get a babysitter for an hour and come see you for a childfree coffee. It’s so annoying that people do this “child must come everywhere and everything must be about my child” nonsense. Grow up and wise up people. They grow up and you’re left in babyland on your own if you don’t maintain pre-kid relationships.

What about Brexit, Trump, Boria resigning, crime and property prices - surely these topics come up.

I met with four women last week and we spent a good hour discussing The Handmaids Tale and how it differed to the book and what would have Atwood's references at the time of writing.

It sounds like you have an internal buzzer that goes off every time a children ate mentioned.

I’m not sure ... I did have friends who were older than me but even then it’s all kind of focussed on kids but in a different way.

I do know what you mean otterly there can be a phase when it’s all focussed on exam results, then it moves on to grandchildren.....

otterlygreat find a women's group and join; there are loads dotted about the country and they get up to all sorts. And not a child to be seen.

I think the reason some people have got a bit chippy, OP, is that your posts are a bit frustrating to read. I wonder if there was a reason why you are single and have not had children? It may be that you made a choice to live that way, obviously I don't know if you want to share that information but it might help shed light on things.

I do understand that it must be lonely to spend weekends and free time alone. I think however, your post comes across as though you expect your friends to fill this time for you and are disappointed that they don't. It also seems that your friends are happy for you to join in with their family's activities, which in my opinion is quite friendly and inclusive of them, but that you're dissatisfied because their daily activities don't meet up to your standards of what is fun to do.

Forgive me if I've got things wrong, but that how it came across to me. You said there's no solution, and don't seem to want posters to offer advice of how to make other friendships or find things to fill your time. I understand you may just want to vent, but it does make the post a little frustrating to read.

If you were willing to accept suggestions, I would definitely agree that you should pursue other friendships among people who are interested in doing the same activities as you (which are....? I'm not really sure what it is you would rather be doing with your free time?) I'm sorry you seem to find it hard to make new friendships. I agree that deep and lasting friendships can take a long time to develop, but I don't agree that it's hard to meet new people to enjoy social time with. You say you're busy and doing things all the time - are all of those things solitary things, then? I'm not sure how you can be doing lots of things but not come in contact with other social groups rather than your friends with young children? What about work? Do you not get on with any of the people you work with?

Just speaking personally, I have young children but I like a busy social life, and in the last month I went to the following:
An event at a local pub for people to turn up and draw - a few people knew each other but by no means all.
A Green party meeting with local speakers. There was a social aspect to the meeting.
A low key work drinks thing I organised
A supper club which is for people to meet others locally - it's not like a dating thing, it's for friendship.
I also volunteer at a local arts venue one or two evenings a month, working behind the bar. You said you'd tried voluntary work and found it boring - but there are many different kinds of voluntary work.

I'm sorry you find your friends' lives boring now, but I would definitely encourage you to take positive steps to improve your loneliness and boredom.

Yes, seren