To just want my DH to answer the question he's been asked?

[Zintox]

This drives me mad.

Just now he said there was no melon left. I said "who ate it?" He replied "there were only three pieces left."

He does this all the time. I ask a question and he answers a completely different one.

How can I make him stop? Does anyone else's DH do this?

YANBU- DW does this too. Drives me nuts.

I tell you what drives me mad! Dp answering the exact question I have asked (being a pedantic a hole)

Me: 'could you make me a cup of coffee?'
Dp: 'I could'
Me: 'ah thanks babe'

10 minutes later, still waiting for coffee

Me: 'have you put the kettle on yet?'
Dp: 'you asked me if I could, not if I would'

Gives me the rage, I have to remember to ask all questions in completely correct ways. It's like living with an English teacher and I am his only pupil!!

@skittlesandbeer

Your post had made my day!!!

I read this thread thinking that my dh doesn't do this. Then I went downstairs and saw half a chocolate cake in the kitchen. I asked "Where did the cake come from?' His reply was 'oh, yes, I need to put that back in the cupboard ' That's nice, but I still didn't know where the mystery cake appeared from! I had to ask a second time to get a proper answer. It was then a complicated answer with a load of back story rather than the one sentence that it needed. (Dd had some friends round and they had bought it as an end of term treat)

My (Adult) DS has a variant. He’ll text on Saturday morning “what are you and Dad doing today?” Now that is often a precursor to suggesting we meet but sometimes isn’t. If we have anything unchngeable planned (eg trip to theatre 2 hours away) I’ll,say so but otherwise I’m never sure how vague to be because I’m never sure if it’s just a checking in question or a precursor to suggesting we meet -,which we would always drop say shopping or the garden centre for. So,I’ll reply “nothing much”. To which with luck he’ll suggest meeting - but he’ll only say “in city X” (well, the actual city name of course!). Never when in the day eg morning or afternoon, which is fine but we’ll then sometimes have to wait an hour or so before he comes back with when, so we don’t know after the first tests whether to set out now or in a few hours time! . Bless him I adore him but he never in one text says for example let’s meet in X coffee shop at say 2.00 pm. We always go through 4 -5 texts before establishing all that! Bless him, I know he’s only being considerate but still! Saturday is technically a working day for him but no two,working days are ever the same so we don’t know when in the day or for how long he’ll be free!

Why ask "who ate the melon?" when you probably know the answer already and it doesn't matter anyway? I'm not surprised that the two of you are struggling to communicate.

I think a lot of the time they're just not listening properly and give you an answer that vaguely relates but doesn't actually answer your question because they only half processed it

It's extremely irritating. I sometimes can't speak to my Dad because he does it SO much I just get really pissed off dealing with him

the response is, "You mean, oh by the way I finished all the melon & theres none left for you "

JohnHunter - please read the full thread, or at least all of the OP's posts. You are as off the point as the OP's husband.

dh does this.

we are looking at cars atm and it seems to be particularly bad on this subject
my car knowledge is very limited, I don't get registration numbers, my limits are colour, brand and possibly engine size

Me:how old is it?
DH:same as the fiat (I do not know how old the fiat is, he knows I neither know nor care but still we have this nonsense)

Me:is that the Toyota?
Dh: it's the
Me:but is that a toyota? is it? did I ask the model or did I ask if it was a toyota?

Me:was the blue one the 2 litre engine?
DH:it was the

Me:is that the blue one?
Dh:yes
Me:was the blue one the 2 litre engine?

Me:is that one the one in Xtown?
Dh: the one we saw on tuesday? (we saw two on tuesday and only one was in Xtown)

forfuckingfuck'ssakeman.. I really actually want to kill him dead when he does this.

Sorry OP, it's you. Ask better questions.

Not, "Who ate the melon?" but "Do you know what happened to the melon that was in here?". That's what you wanted to know, wasn't it?

Mine does this. If I had a pound for every time I end up saying, “that's not what I’m asking”..... I think it's a combination of not listening properly and sheer fuckwittery.
(Or maybe, as others suggest, it's something they learn at public school)
And I’m sure no court in the land would convict me...

Sorry OP, it's you. Ask better questions.

How can she ask the right question when she doesn’t know the answer? It’s perfectly reasonable to assume the melon was eaten.

The answer to the question was ‘it wasn’t eaten I threw it away’.

Sounds like he is just jumping one step ahead and anticipating your response. “Who ate it?” “I did!” “Really, all of it? I wanted some of that, how annoying” “there were only three pieces left”

People do this all the time. Like a defence mechanism. “She’ll have a go at me when I answer her question so I best get in there with my explanation”

Not unusual.

Sorry OP, it's you, it's really not

She should ask what she actually wants to know. I would find that question quite annoying. Asking "Who ate it" could lead to a "Nobody" answer.

Asking "What happened to the melon?" is on point.

We're all different, different styles of communication. I'm ok with that even if nobody else seems to be.

Yup.
ME: what time do we have to leave?
HIM: the party starts at 12
ME: yes but what time do you want to leave?
HIM: I don't want to get there late
ME: okay, so when are we leaving?
HIM: we need to leave plenty of time.
ME: Alright, how much time?
HIM: You need to be ready on time
ME: give me a fucking time then!!! You are driving. What time do you want me to be ready?
HIM: The party starts at 12...

Why is it so hard? 😭

The OP says: "I wanted to know because it was my son’s and I wondered if he’d eaten it or if his sister had."

So, I still don't really get what difference that makes. If anything, the only person who needs to know is your son.

The melon is gone. There is no more melon. Asking about the melon won't bring it back.

ME: Did you check the back door is locked?
HIM: I didn't go out there today
ME: yeah, but when you checked the locks did you do the back door?
HIM: I haven't been in the garden today
ME: so... are you telling me you haven't checked it?
HIM: I've been at work all day
ME: YESBUTDIDYOUCHECKTHEBACKDOORBEFOREBED?!!
HIM: I didn't go out there today...

PAIN 😭

DP does this?
Me: Do you fancy Chinese or Indian for tea?
DP: oh I don't know, we had stir fry last night
Me: ...
Dp: hmm, don't really fancy Chinese
Me: So Indian?
Dp: hmmmm ahhhh errr dunno
Me: ...
DP:
5 minutes pass
DP: so when's it coming?
Me: ?? no idea what he actually wants.

She should ask what she actually wants to know.

She did. She wanted to know who ate the melon. It didn’t occur to her then that he would have binned it. Assuming the melon wasn’t covered in mould, it’s a perfectly reasonable assumption.

Oh and he actually wanted Chinese^^

My mum does this and it drove me mad for years. Until a revelation came during a conversation with her. Her mother was vile to her, always in a mood and never explaining why. My mum never knew what she was going to say that was going to cause her mum to explode at her so she got used to constantly second guessing and trying to work out the secret reasons behind her mum's conversation.

So it's ingrained in her that if you're asked a question the asker is trying to catch you out so you have to try and figure out the answer to the secret hidden question. It's massively sad.

indeed - it's quite common to provide an answer to what you think the 'real' question is

If my wife ever says to me , "what time do you call this?" I know that she doesn't really want to know what the time is. :)