To just want my DH to answer the question he's been asked?

[Zintox]

This drives me mad.

Just now he said there was no melon left. I said "who ate it?" He replied "there were only three pieces left."

He does this all the time. I ask a question and he answers a completely different one.

How can I make him stop? Does anyone else's DH do this?

I prewarn by saying ‘ I am going to ask a question needs and it yes or I answer” because otherwise I want to brain him.

Do you want a drink?
Are you having one?

Shall we go shopping this morning?
What do you think?

The worst is timings.

What time do you want to leave?
Well there are three from Waterloo ten to, ten past, and half past.
OK so what train do you want to get?
What do you think”

see, I know that if my wife asks, do you want a drink? or shall we go shopping? what she really means is, I want a drink and I want to go shopping this morning so when she asks me questions like that I deliberately give her an evasive answer.

😆😆😆

and

What time do you want to leave?
Well there are three from Waterloo ten to, ten past, and half past.
OK so what train do you want to get?
What do you think”

I don't get what's wrong with those answers, because the answer to 'what time do you want to leave?' only makes sense if you know what time the trains are. Also, what does it matter anyway? If you're just going shopping you can get any train.

Oh, my OH does this! I always leave the room.

Oh god I used to live with once of these. In the end I just used to keep repeating, "that wasn't what I asked" and keep going until I had an answer. I don't understand why answering a question like "is your toothbrush the blue one, was then answered by "Alfie's is the yellow one", WTF?

He’s twisting your melon, man.

He should be a politician

DappledThings
Eye opener!!!

My Dh if 29 years, does this all the time. We run a business together so I get it at work too but I’ve recemtly come up with a solution!!

“What is X person doing on this project?”

He’ll start giving me a long winded answer about the actual project..
I’ve started interrupting and being very direct “that’s not the question I asked, What is X person doing”

He answers straight away

see, I know that if my wife asks, do you want a drink? or shall we go shopping? what she really means is, I want a drink and I want to go shopping this morning so when she asks me questions like that I deliberately give her an evasive answer.

But why? What do you get out of deliberately evasive communication?

My parents used to talk like this to each other and it drove me crazy. Both of them assuming they knew what the other really wanted to say, and assuming they had to play games to get the outcome they wanted. Just be fucking straight with each other! Urgh!

@DappledThings Yes. That. I grew up with a mum who asked questions that were headed towards an accusation all the time. I then spent 13 years married to an abusive man who did the same. It has turned me into someone who is always preempting where a line of questioning is going and means I often answer questions like OP's husband did. I'm with a very straightforward DP now, who doesn't do that at all and I know my roundabout/several answers ahead in the conversation that's happened in my head conversational style drives him mad. I'm trying to unlearn it, but it's so ingrained it's very hard to do.

This thread has made me feel awful about it.

God my DH does this and it drives me mad. He'll also answer a question assuming incorrectly I have prior knowledge to help me make sense of his response.
For example, discussing a job for a pal who does up houses to let:

Me: What colour tiles has Dave picked for the new bathroom?
Him: The same as all the bathrooms in the other houses.
Me: (Thinking) How the hell am I supposed to know? I've never been in any of the other houses, have I, and you know that. Why can't you just say a colour, you numpty???

Me: Well, I haven't seen those. What. Colour. Are. The. Tiles?

Married bliss

I usually respond by asking the question he just answered. So it would go:
There’s no melon left.
Who ate it?
There were only 3 pieces left.
How many pieces were left?

This usually brings it to his attention without me having to keep saying it.

My husband seems to be playing in a never ending ‘you can’t say yes or no’ game. I have NEVER heard him answer a question with yes or no.
Me: is it raining outside?
Him: it appears to be.
Me: would you like steak for tea?
Him: that would be nice.
Sometimes it really winds me up and I do pedantically say, so you mean yes/no!

@AlecTrevelyan006. you are the only person who can answer this, WHY the evasive answer, is she some huge Amazon of woman who will flatten you, will she loose her temper and spit venom. Don’t want a drink, don’t want to go shopping? How much simpler would it be to,say no.

I don’t ask those questions because it is what I want. If I am making a drink it would be rude not to ask him if he wants one. If I am planning to go shopping, I give him the opportunity to come. (He likes shopping much more than I do) was

OK Alec here is the Trains explanation. He is an obsessive time keeper. He cannot bear to late so we have to get everywhere far too early. This too drives me nuts but I live with it. I look up the trains, I know what time we need to leave, but he never works to my timetable. One hour before we actually leave he is pacing and looking at his watch, The Waterloo journey is to visit people and usually we are given a time to arrive.

So instead of him stressing about being late, I ask for a specific time that he is comfortable with . I have explained this to him but I still cannot get a straight answer. The truth is I never go anywhere with him unless it is Unavoidable.

OP - I used to work for a man like this and it drove me insane, I just needed answers to get work done!

However, I quickly learned that he need to know why I was asking the question, or he'd give me a nothing answer until he had the full information, including stuff I couldn't see he needed to know.

He'd also use answering my question as a way to 'chat out' all the options, not just do that in his head, then give me the final answer.

So in you melon issue, I'd not ask "who ate the melon" but give the reason for my question "Did DS eat the melon? He was saving it, was it you or DD, as then I need to sort some more melon for DS."

Your DH's answer doesn't make much sense, becuase the answer is really "no one ate the melon". You assumed someone had. You didn't ask "what happened to the melon? Because I need to know if DS ate it."

It's annoying and draining to always have to provide context and explaination about why you are asking the question thought - although as DappledThings said, often it's about people trying to give you the justification for their answer, not the actual answer - which is infuriating!

Is he a politician?

He might have rearranged the melon to make a lemon...

Onaplain

Please don’t feel awful, you’ve no reason to. And actually reading your last post has made me reaslise why Dh doesn’t answer a simple question, directly. It’s to do with his parents too, so thank you for posting about your experience.

I will be more understanding next time!

Ex-H used to waffle on and on in response to whatever question he was asked. A friend once commented, "Ask John the time and he'll tell you what you need to build a clock.".
Not the only reason he's now an ex-H!

It's like a game of Cleudo and I think I've solved it.

Was it:
The husband
With the melon
At the fridge?

Sounds like he's answering the question in his mind, anticipating (rightly or wrongly) the next question and answering that instead. Play him at his own game. It'll be fun even if it doesn't cure him.

There's no melon left.
Who ate it?
There were only 3 pieces left.
Honeydew.
What has the type of melon got to do with it?
Sainsburys, on Friday.
What on earth are you talking about?
Of course I can see how irritating it is.

or, He ate the melon, knew it was a selfish act, & is doing the "dodge & deflect" answer because he knows he was being selfish & not acting kindly/in an adult manner, his is still a Dick.
I would trash the relationship