Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want my DH to answer the question he's been asked?

232 replies

Zintox · 20/07/2018 22:28

This drives me mad.

Just now he said there was no melon left. I said "who ate it?" He replied "there were only three pieces left."

He does this all the time. I ask a question and he answers a completely different one.

How can I make him stop? Does anyone else's DH do this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Zintox · 20/07/2018 23:44

Mine is not privately educated. Although I was.

I’m glad I’m not alone in my frustration though. But it worries me how many of these people exist. Wonder what a conversation between them would be like? 😂

OP posts:
butterflysugarbaby · 20/07/2018 23:45

@Zintox

Do you accuse your husband of doing a lot of shit/nag him/scold him???

Coz it sounds like he was instantly defensive. Sounds like you have form for moaning at him if he instantly went on the defensive.

mumeeee · 20/07/2018 23:53

I do this not my DH it drives him mad.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 20/07/2018 23:57

DH does this, I just keep asking. Quite often the real answer is "I don't know, even though I should, so I want you to do the legwork and find the answer for me".

For instance, we are going to meet a friend of his for lunch tomorrow. We have just had this conversation.

Me "What time are we leaving tomorrow?"
Him "I've booked for 12.30"
Me "So what time are we leaving?"
Him "It's in Wicklow"
Me "So what time are we leaving?"
Him "Well, however long it takes to get to Wicklow, that's when we'll leave."

The most infuriating used to be offering him something to drink.
Me "Would you like a drink?"
Him "Yes please"
Me "What would you like to drink?"
Him "Anything really"
Me (rolling eyes) "Hot or cold? Tea, coffee, water, juice?"
Him "Umm, I don't mind. What are you having?"
Me ""
Him "Oh, I'm no keen on that."

Now I just say "Do you want X (whatever I happen to be making for myself)." And don't ask anything further, all vagueness is ignored, I only hear "Yes please", or "No, could I have Y please".

SandyY2K · 20/07/2018 23:57

I guess it's a difference of opinion really.

If the food in your home belongs to individuals rather than for general consumption that's a different scenario.

You gave the example with melon so thats what we had to go on.

In asking when you're visiting his cousin is expect an answer like "I don't know" "what's a good time for you"

But even that question makes me think had he said we're visiting next month...you'd have answered... so when were you going to tell me or something similar.

The other day DH got in a right strop with me because he asked if the sugar had been opened.

He was in the kitchen and I was in the living room. I said why don't you have a look and he said why didn't I just answer the question. If I get asked stupid questions like that it pisses me off tbh.

Homebird8 · 21/07/2018 00:01

Le melon est sous la table.

And that is the sum total of my French retuention from school. It’s probably not even right.

Disquieted1 · 21/07/2018 00:01

I blame the melon. It's the cause of so many arguments between couples.

Ohyesiam · 21/07/2018 00:03

My kids h does this, and also asks a different question to the one he wants an answer to, and gets cross with the reply ! So he
Might say “ do you know what the plans are for tomorrow night?” And I’ll reply “ yes, no change from what we discussed” and he’ll be irritated because he meant “ I’ve got cold feet about the arrangements we made, do you still want to go” .

echt · 21/07/2018 00:03

I'd like to know why he chucked the food out. And he should have said, I've chucked it out so I'll put it on the shopping list. But than that would have assigned responsibility to himself.

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 21/07/2018 00:11

Mines basically does the inverse.

  1. I ask him a question - he gives me an answer I don't understand- so I rephrase or ask him to explain or tell him i don't understand. He repeats the exact same answer over and over.
  1. This keeps going... until I am sizzling with rage.
  1. I finally tip over the edge....
  1. He finally rephrases or explains and it's simple to understand.

Wtaf

Ethylred · 21/07/2018 00:19

Stop interrogating him. It does you no good and annoys him.

MrsHoodwink · 21/07/2018 00:24

Not quite the same but I think my DP answers silently in his head and it drives me insane!

Me: Did you feed the dogs?
Dp: silence
Me: DP DID YOU FEED THE DOGS?
Dp: God I said yes!

No you f**king didn’t Hmm

AlecTrevelyan006 · 21/07/2018 00:24

Well as no one ate the melon it turns out that you asked the wrong question anyway.

Takfujimoto · 21/07/2018 00:28

Yes DH does this, it is infuriating and I do call him out on it, especially since DS has started doing it as well.
When he does it I ask him why he's talking to me like a politician, or rather, " Why are you talking to me like a fucking MP dear? "

NC4Now · 21/07/2018 00:29

Well at first I thought he was trying to justify himself.

Now I think he’s just not really listening, and answering the questions he might ask.

Rollupandride · 21/07/2018 00:32

My DH is the king of this!

"So where did you go for breakfast?"
"Oh! It was so good and you know Andy came too"

"Ok, so where did you go?"

"We went to xxx I told you that" Hmm

Almost every conversation is a mystery and ends up seeming like I'm interrogating him when really it started quite casually.

InfiniteVariety · 21/07/2018 00:37

My DH does this so much it is a family joke

Smallhorse · 21/07/2018 00:39

Yup dp does this
I may LTB

I just repeat the question verbatim till I get an answer

tolerable · 21/07/2018 00:43

who cares???/// the Important thing is-yip mrsterrypratshit-i gorrit... ok.now to the original post-how many people are there in your entitled to access fridge contents scene..(if you him and a child)he has fair point(ie.1 each) ,given,presumeable hes a man-2kids =hes still got a bit....help me get persspective here please?my melonometer is aw to fuck

AornisHades · 21/07/2018 00:44

DH does this too. I ask a specific question in unambiguous language and he answers the question he decides I meant.
As pp said, I'm struggling to think of an example but it might go
Me - Do we have any in the freezer?
DH - I gave DC for dinner
Me - Fine. But do we have that only you eat in the freezer --before I do the shopping order-'

Disquieted1 · 21/07/2018 00:51

@tolerable
Thanks for clearing that up.

BuntyII · 21/07/2018 00:53

If you were scolding me asking who ate something in MY OWN FRIDGE I might take pleasure in dodging the question too.

kateandme · 21/07/2018 01:05

i saw a program and they said people do it more about food because of the shame and guilt related to admitting to someone they finished or had food.feeling judged or like they over indulged.naturally people especially in todays times don't like to admit to eating!or like to feel people are questioning why they are.

echt · 21/07/2018 01:05

Where has the OP scolded?
Her DH had binned the melon. She didn't know this. Then he asked a question he already knew the answer to.

0h · 21/07/2018 01:12

Bloody hell, can't ask some people a question without being accused of nagging, scolding, accusing, interrogating etc.

It must be difficult to converse with some of you if a simple question leaves you feeling so attacked!

My DH has form for answering a ever so slightly different question to the one I asked. I asked him earlier how much something cost but rather than just say, "£2," I got details of the two different versions buys. Nothing about the price of either of course. 😂