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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To treat my dog like one of the family?

159 replies

Everydayimsnugglin · 20/07/2018 15:09

My husband and I have a 2 year old son and a 3 year old dog. Growing up with dogs, they've always been treated like part of the family.

We're planning on a summer holiday to Southend and I was looking for dog friendly accommodations. My in laws (not dog people) feel that taking our dog on holiday with us is ridiculous and think he's a 'burden'. They've said today that he should be put in boarding kennels. I've NEVER used kennels and I feel that given my dog has always had company at home, it would be cruel to leave him in kennels. My husband and I have used at-home boarding when we got married. As my in laws are coming on holiday too so they do have a say.

Hubby and I are on the same page. We've said Were more than happy that they go off in the evening for dinners/ drinks etc if they'd like and leave us in as well have our son so wouldn't be doing late nights anyway. They've said it's unfair on our child that we're restricting his holiday enjoyment by bringing the dog.

Just after other people's opinions...

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Everydayimsnugglin · 21/07/2018 10:18

Thanks for all your comments.

I get non-dog people not wanting to be around dogs all the time, which is a big part of the reason we insisted they get their own apartment (also because I don’t really like sharing accommodation with other people in general, same would go with my parents or my brother and his partner even though they all love dogs)
My dog isn’t a slobbering or casting one so he doesn’t make a mess.

We are planning on going out for dinners/ activities without the dog. He’s fine being on his own for a few hours and we have always just had a big run around somewhere in the morning to tire him out and then we do non-dog friendly activities afterwards while he sleeps it off ( I’m not entirely sure he notices were gone)

The in laws are coming round this afternoon to finalise plans and I think we just need to do as PP has said and explain what we plan to do on holiday so they can decide if it’s a holiday they want to go on or not

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 21/07/2018 10:29

It sounds like you have thought this through properly. I don't understand why people who holiday with extended family feel that they need to be with each other all the time. Why can't you take the same holiday yet do your own thing and meet up later?

Notquiteagandt · 21/07/2018 10:33

I have no issue in saying I love my dog. That furry little thing shows me unconditional love and affection.

I am lucky that most our friends also have dogs and are dog people to so completely get it.

When we go away if its not possible to tale the dog a friend will mind her. And vuse versa we will have theirs when they go away. We have the added comfort of knowing they are being looked after as well as we would and shes having fun. So can enjoy holidays.

If she was in a kennel I would be on edge worrying about her all week. As silly as it sounds.

numptynuts · 21/07/2018 10:35

Our dog was best man at our wedding because he's my husband's best friend Grin

ToothTrauma · 21/07/2018 10:37

I love taking my dog on holiday. It makes the holiday loads better IMO as we get out and explore places and he loves it. Left to our own devices we’d probably loaf about all day Blush

Lazypuppy · 21/07/2018 10:37

Dog always come on holiday with us in uk. If we go abroad he foes on 'holiday' to my mums, who also has a dog 😂

blondeemily · 21/07/2018 10:37

Haven't rtft but I am definately with you OP! We would always take our dog on family holidays because the enjoyment would have been ruined without her due to us missing and worrying about her!

Brigante9 · 21/07/2018 10:48

I recently got told off by a family member for not visiting my parents more (5 hr drive). I have a 15 yr old incontinent dog and 2 very naughty 8 year olds plus a horse. I’m not sure what he thinks I should do with all the animals while I travel up the M1? I can’t leave the 15 yr old with anyone, nobody wants to clear up shit. He’s doddery and falls over sometimes, which distresses him, but he’s otherwise ok but has doggy dementia so acts oddly sometimes. The other 2 need locking up if being kennelled and can’t mix with other dogs. I do have a very good kennel and the owner completely understands, but I’m worried the 15 yr old will die while we’re away, so we’ve decided no holidays or leaving him, I’d be devastated if something happened to him.

I think your pil are overthinking this, it shouldn’t impact them so why are they worried?

hairymoragthebampot · 21/07/2018 10:52

I have mixed views. I have taken our dog with us on most of our holidays including abroad. Trips to Scotland are brilliant as he has a great time but abroad is tricky. I do find him a burden at times when abroad specifically. Limits what we can do and also what we can rent. Some of my friends dislike dogs and won’t invite us to there house as the dog isn’t allowed which is fair enough. Also people not keen to go on holidays with us now for the same reason. My eldest is looking after him when we go abroad for two weeks. He whines all night if you stay somewhere else which in itself is a nightmare. We have never used a kennel and will take him with us or leave with my son. I wouldn’t think to go on holiday with friends or family and not go out in the evening. I have 4DC and holidays are usually late nights and out for meals at night. As long as the dog has a good walk there is no reason why he can’t be left for a few hours in the evening. It doesn’t sound like your on the same page as your in laws so perhaps not a good idea going at all.

auditqueen · 21/07/2018 11:27

This thread has a lot of “love me love my dog people” who just don’t get that not everyone loves dogs

I get that not everyone loves or even tolerates dogs. That's why we keep ours away from people unless they specifically want her company. However, we choose her company and so choose to be with people who do love dogs.

liverbird10 · 21/07/2018 12:37

Pffft. I'm a ca dt person, dogs aren't my thing, and I still think the in-laws are being obnoxious.

liverbird10 · 21/07/2018 12:37

*cat!

ElementalHalfLife · 21/07/2018 13:13

We (non-dog owners) used to sometimes vacation with friends who always took their dog - camping or cabin by a lake in the woods type things. It was understood the dog was as much part of their family as their kids. We loved having him along and he'd wear himself (and us) out during the day with long walks, running about after sticks and jumping in the lake so we could leave him for a few hours in the evenings to go out for dinner. They had a big suv and he'd happily travel in it for hours so we could check out places of interest nearby. I don't recall a single time he held us back from doing something we wanted to do - if it were a visit to a local museum or attraction where dogs weren't allowed, again, he could be left for a few hours or each couple would go on different days. Your in laws are being unreasonable.

Jeippinghmip · 21/07/2018 13:33

This thread has a lot of “love me love my dog people” who just don’t get that not everyone loves dogs

So just stay away from me and my dog.

thirdtrimesterandfedup · 21/07/2018 13:37

I take my dog with my whenever I can otherwise he will just stay with my mum. I understand why they say he's a burden as harsh as it sounds. You can't go on the beaches or amusements so it makes it difficult.
Even though I have sneaked my pooch under DS pushchairs a few times Blush

mydogisthebest · 21/07/2018 13:53

My dogs are definitely part of my family. Not quite sure why anyone that doesn't feel that way would have dogs.

We like to take our dogs on holiday. Yes it is a bit restricting (we would never ever leave them alone in a strange place) but that is part of being a dog owner. We have had dogs for almost 40 years and back then practically nowhere allowed dogs in - often pubs and restaurants would not even allow you to sit outside with a dog. We are well used to sitting outside eating in the rain!

If we can't take them away with us they go to a friend who dog sits for us. No way are they ever going to kennels. Kennels just can't give them the time and attention they are used to. Plus one of our dogs is a rescue (he had 4 homes by the age of 7 months) and no way are we subjecting him to the stress of kennels.

You can definitely tell the dog lovers from the dog haters on this thread. Not everyone has to like dogs but, honestly, some people make such a big thing of hating them.

NOT ALL dogs shed. NOT ALL DOGS chew or destroy things. NOT ALL dogs smell and no I haven't "just got used to the smell". My MIL would love to tell me my house smells of dog (she has told me in the past it smells of my cats) but she reluctantly says she can't smell dog in it.

OP if you are going to Southend try and get to Leigh on Sea. Quite a lot of dog friendly pubs and Sara's tea garden is great and allows dogs inside as well as in their garden

Jeippinghmip · 21/07/2018 14:59

North Norfolk is a good place for dogs. There are loads of dog friendly beaches and pubs\cafes.

LoniceraJaponica · 21/07/2018 16:38

Wells-next-the-Sea actively welcomes dogs. Most of the shops have bowls of water outside them, and many of the pubs allow dogs inside. I don't think I have been anywhere so dog friendly.

Original poster
Everydayimsnugglin · 21/07/2018 23:35

For those that asked for an update:

Lunch with in laws went ok... started out with some guilt tripping and emotional comments / a lot of talk of putting a dog before family
The term “we’d never forgive you” was actually used by mother in law at one point!

However, we were able to get a proper conversation and explain how we think the holiday would work and they’ve ended up saying that they’ll still come. We’ve all agreed it would be a bit of a trial to see if they can holiday with dogs and we can go from there

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 21/07/2018 23:44

Having a dog is like being a smoker. You can't go in anywhere, as we found out when sil brought her dog on a day out with us.

If you're an entirely outdoor person then happy days, but most people will want a cuppa or pop to the shops or whatever.

HonkyWonkWoman · 21/07/2018 23:49

I'm thinking you'll have more problems with the in-laws than with your dog.
Pity they're going with you. She sounds a nightmare!
Best of luck OP!

SabineUndine · 21/07/2018 23:56

I’m not a dog person but even I think your one-laws are being unreasonable. Dogs travel well and it’s not as if you were going abroad. Dump the outlaws, take the dog.

DamsonPie · 22/07/2018 00:15

This thread has a lot of “love me love my dog people” who just don’t get that not everyone loves dogs
If you don’t like my dog then stay away. Nothing annoys me more than someone who comes to my home knowing I have a dog, then whinges that they don’t like it or are allergic. If you don’t like dogs then don’t come to my house! When I did online dating I actually put that in my profile because people kept dating me and complaining about my dog, and then I had to dump them.

OP your ILs are BU to expect you to ditch your dog for their benefit. Tell the selfish gits to get stuffed!

BigChocFrenzy · 22/07/2018 00:15

Leave your ILs in kennels
Take Ddog with you for a family holiday

BiteyShark · 22/07/2018 06:58

Oh dear OP I don't think this is about the dog at all. They clearly want you to do exactly what 'they' want and I think you missed the opportunity to holiday seperately.