To complain about TA comment

[dungandbother]

Dd was told off by a (strict) TA to untuck her PE T-shirt because it didn't look right.

I am outraged that she would comment on the appearance of a child and how they choose to wear their PE kit.
Yr 6 if it matters.

DD always tucks her shirt in because she doesn't like the feel of the waistband on her skin - no matter which uniform she's wearing.

Should I write and complain ?

Again - the OP has never complained before and we do not know that she has complained about this.
How is she to blame?

You're all going round in circles now. We've established that the OP would be unreasonable to make a complaint, it would be ridiculous. My DDs have both told me about times when they've been told off by TAs and teachers and I haven't made anything of it.

But the OP says she's never made a complaint before in all the years her DD was at the primary school. She isn't someone who complains constantly from what she's saying and there's no reason to disbelieve her.

It’s because of parents like the OP that teachers and teaching stuff are constantly leaving the profession ... parents like this just looking for any excuse to make a complaint instead of helping their kids to be resilient and prepare for life, it’s always the others fault but not their children

Well if the staff just didn't make unnecessary comments, parents like the OP wouldn't have to think of complaining. The TA had no right or reason to say what she said, it wasn't a rule. If there was a rule stating T-shirts must not be tucked in, then fair enough. Kids have to be resilient to cope with exam stress, etc but they shouldn't have to be resilient to cope with shitty comments from their teachers and TAs.

@Perfectly1mperfect they have to be resilient in dealing with people in all walks of life who don't treat them with kid gloves at all times. They need to learn there are people who will speak sharply to them and that mummy won't always be there to fight their battles for them.

QueenoftheSilverDollar12

So we have to teach kids that it's ok for people in positions of power, teaching staff, can speak to them how they like and that they just have to accept it - I will never teach my children that !

When they are adults, they are 'allowed' to answer back if someone speaks to them badly. As children at school, they will get into trouble, even if like in this case, the TA was just making up her own rules.

I already said, I wouldn't complain, but I would make it clear to my child Iinsituations like this that the problem lies with the TA. Nice natured children should not have to change and build resilience to cope with horrible teaching staff.

@Perfectly1mperfect whatever 🙄 I am a teacher of 25 years standing and see this every day.

She’s in year 6 so aged 11, it’s hardly going to crush her if she was in reception maybe you might have a (very small) reason to be upset.
I think teachers will be a lot stricter in year 7!

QueenoftheSilverDollar12

You see adults/teaching staff treating children like this everyday and just stand by and watch it ? Why not challenge these adults ? Should you not be setting an example ?

No. I meant I see young people who are unable to be spoken to sharply and take responsibility for their actions without immediately phoning or texting their mammy to provide backup. One pupil even alleged that teachers and TAs held meetings every morning, plotting ways to pick on him. His mother is the only one I've had to put out of a meeting in school for the way she spoke to me. She was escorted off the premises by our school based police officer. Says it all really.

@Perfectly1mperfect and we only have the somewhat biased OP's varied stance on what happened to go on in this case anyway. She's a flawed witness.

QueenoftheSilverDollar12

Obviously no one likes to be spoken to sharply, but thats not all the OP has a problem with. My understanding is that her child felt embarrassed because the TA told her to untuck her top because it didn't look OK to the TA. If it was a rule to wear the top not tucked in and the TA said it sharply, I would think differently to how I do. It's the fact she just told her to do it for no real reason.

There's a couple of teachers/staff at my child's primary who always speak sharply to the children. I don't really understand why, I think they're just miserable. Obviously if the children are misbehaving then it's necessary but not all the time. It's nice to be nice.

@Perfectly1mperfect sometimes kids need to be spoken to harshly. End of. It's nowt to do with folk being miserable. It's about teaching them a point or something along these lines. I presume you've never worked closely with kids of school age, in large groups? If you did, you'd understand, believe me.

QueenoftheSilverDollar12

Yes sometimes they do but not all the time and not for no reason. Obviously OP's DD had done nothing wrong as there was no rule about having your PE shirt untucked so it wasn't right for the TA to tell her off or be unkind about it. The TA was wrong. I do agree however that the OP could validate her DD's feelings by saying well yes that's not nice but also encourage her to let it go by saying well these things happen, maybe she was having a bad day, etc etc. It doesn't warrant a complaint.

Agree @BottleOfJameson it definitely doesn't warrant a complaint. The OP needs to build a bit of resilience in herself and her DD.

QueenoftheSilverDollar12

I agree, sometimes, some children need to be spoken to harshly. But I don't think this was one of those times. I have worked with large groups of kids before, although not in a school setting. Some kids have enough misery at home, without this sort of thing at school. I just believe teachers should be kind and approachable only speaking harshly when necessary to those that need it. I actually believe that they should be able to punish children more that misbehave often.

@Perfectly1mperfect we don't know, as the OP has changed the story a few times. My point is, it's not always a good idea to a) take an 11 year old's word as gospel or b) make a complaint to the school about a total non issue.

QueenoftheSilverDollar12

I agree and I wouldn't have complained, instead I would tell my child they did nothing wrong and the TA was wrong. The thing is though, if no one complains they continue to be able to speak to children badly. Unfortunately there are a minority of teaching staff that have a reputation for just being miserable and speaking harshly to children often. There are probably 2 in our primary school. No one likes them, including the rest of the staff.

@Perfectly1mperfect and have you made your views known to SLT?

@Perfectly1mperfect in the words of that old Kenny Rogers song "you've gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run". I quote that most days to the kids.

QueenoftheSilverDollar12

We did complain to the head teacher about one teacher after she was extremely rude to us about a decision she made about our child that we felt was wrong. She spoke to us like I had witnessed her speak to children, she was rude and dismissive. She just couldn't seem to be pleasant to anyone. Our child isn't one to moan, is very chilled, and would rather die than have mum speak to the teacher. Some children though, were crying regularly after things she said, these were 10 year old children who I hadn't seen cry since year 1. After complaining, I was invited in to discuss it but I declined. I did tell the head exactly what I (and other parents) felt were the problems with this particular teacher. The school admitted that 'perhaps the wrong decision' had been made in regards to my son but they never apologised for the way she spoke to us and they tried to defend her. The teacher is now in a non teaching position in the school for the majority of the time and my child has since left the school. My other child still attends the school and it seems the teachers bad attitude is unchanged. I am relieved that my youngest child will not have to be taught by her. So many parents and children and staff but I'm not meant to know that dislike her that it has to be her with the problem. It's a shame because as a teacher she was probably one of the best in the school.

The next time your kids have long term supply, or 12 maths teachers in 2 years, please remember posts like this. This is the reason.

God help"the supply"

Squeaks back to thread as today was last day of term and I didn't complain.

Year 6 did though. DD informs me with a cheerful glint that several of her class took immense pleasure taking scissors to their class yearbook photo they were presented with today. They cut the TA straight out of their photo's and left her in a pile on the class room floor.

I guess Karma finds a way

I will NOT be coming back to the thread as I'm too busy teaching DD how to Snowflake give a shit when people are rude

What nasty, nasty girls @dungandbother. I hope they're proud of themselves. I'm sure they'll grow up to be lovely adults- not.

Wow, what horrible, rude children.
If that’s how they behave then I’m sure the TA, teachers and the indeed whole school will be well rid of them. And boy are they in for a shock at secondary school!
If my DC did anything like this then I’d seriously question my ability as their parent. Disgusting behaviour. Shame on them.