What's happening?

[ihatesquats]

Please MN, can I have an outside perspective on this?

Over the past few months I have become suspicious of H, something is off, he has mood swings that are becoming more frequent, he wants more sex, but only when he wants, if I try, he's always tired. He's also becoming very particular with his clothes, just to name a few changes.

Sorry this is getting longer that I thought, anyway, I had to use his car today and mine is in for an MOT and curiosity got the better of me and I checked his history on the sat nav, there's quite a few industrial estates that have come up, within the same area. No biggy, some of you might say. But he works nights, and uses his car quite often. Now I'm assuming most industrial estates aren't open gone midnight.

So I decided to check his phone, he has changed his passcode. I don't know when this was done,but a couple of years ago we agreed that I would have full access to his phone.(he was talking to 3 girls on dating sites, nothing to suggest they had met up, but he had their profile pics saved)

Can it all be innocent, don't want to drip feed but will post more if relevant. Tia.

If you’re worried about the returned loan money sitting in your account then could you ask your parents to take it back from you as a repayment and then gift it to you alone when you’re ready?

Sorry, not had a chance to come back today.
I went to my sisters for the day. H was being overly affectionate, and I just felt uncomfortable at home. I was having a wobble also, i keep telling myself there is a legitimate reason for him being at the industrial estates. I'm second guessing myself.

But that doesn't explain the passcode changes and the clearing of his sat nav history.

Re the money. I am actually going to give it to my parents and they will keep it until I need it.

Thank you for the support.

Its totally understandable to have a bit of a wobble, OP. You don't want this to be true but, if it is you really need to make as many preparations as possible before you confront him.
I hope you've had a good sleep

He's transferred the money. Fucking hell MN, what now?

Collect paperwork and evidence of money...

OP, are you absolutely sure he's up to no good? Before you do something irreversible.

OP I suspect that your dh has access to your mymsnet account. You told us about the satnav and it was wiped, you tell us about the money and it's gone. Did you ever check your MN on his phone, his iPad, laptop, dc laptop or family computer? Well if so by reading this he's found out but seriously change your password!

@ParisNext he's transferred the money directly to my mums account. She's holding it for me until I need it.

Ah I misunderstood. However, there are certain behaviours through the thread which make me suspicious. Change your password just in case.

@ParisNext thanks I will do.

I think some posters thought that you were saying that your partner had transferred the joint savings into his own account...

Is the money transferred enough to get you out of there and rent somewhere?
Do you currently rent or is it a mortgage in both of your names? I think if you see a solicitor it would really help with the practical side of things ...could you get away with going to see one on the snide? A lot of firms offer a free consultation.

Sorry your going through this op xx

Also have you taken copies of all savings , any of his wage slips, copy of the mortgage agreement & last mortgage statement If you have it, that will help for when/if you are able to see a solicitor xx

Sorry for the mix up. I was very vague when I posted I just couldn't believe it when he said ring your mum and ask if she's got the money. I had doubts as to whether he was going to give it.

We have a house in both our names, I have photocopied wags slips, statements etc. And also have screen shots of bank account balances.

Unfortunately the money transferred is not enough for me to go straight into a home of my own.

If the house is in both your names he’ll have to pay to keep you there as you’re the primary carer. I could be wrong but this is what I understand usually happens and has happened with several of my friends but understand each situation is different .you could post in the legal section on here and get some further tips potentially

If I were you I would try and get an appointment with a solicitor ASAP just so you are fully prepared for when/if you get the evidence you are looking for .

He clearly doesn’t deserve you op, what a massive shit head xx

Depending on the amount of equity there may be a forced sale. The current thinking is about "fairness" & "equality" which assumes we're all batting from a level playing field so entirely favours the man who has higher earning power than the woman, who often takes on the lions share of caring for the DC & doesn't have the same earning capacity!

The court will put the needs of the children first, so if it’s possible for them to stay in the family home (and you, as the main carter) then that’s what they’ll work towards.

You need to see a solicitor and also have a look on entitledto.com to see what benefits you might be able to claim. Call tax credits and get the claim forms so there’s no delay in applying when it’s time.

Thank you for your help everyone. I am going ahead with the free half hour with a solicitor tomorrow afternoon. There has been some developments, I don't want to go into it now and I'm still trying to get my head around it all. I promise to come back and update soon.

Rooting for you

Good luck squats.

I hope the developments are ones that push things in the right direction for you. There's no obligation to come back and update, only if it's helpful to you to be getting it all out

Good luck with your solicitor appointment.

What an absolute bastard. You sound as though you've got your head as screwed on as it could be in this situation, we're all cheering you on.

Hope all goes well with the solicitor and you get some advice. Be careful, your posts come across as worried, keep yourself and your kids safe. Good luck.

Thinking of you OP and hoping all goes well with the solicitor tomorrow.

Good luck op, you're being incredibly strong

Keep going OP. x