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AIBU?

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Original poster

What's happening?

169 replies

ihatesquats · 19/07/2018 12:38

Please MN, can I have an outside perspective on this?

Over the past few months I have become suspicious of H, something is off, he has mood swings that are becoming more frequent, he wants more sex, but only when he wants, if I try, he's always tired. He's also becoming very particular with his clothes, just to name a few changes.

Sorry this is getting longer that I thought, anyway, I had to use his car today and mine is in for an MOT and curiosity got the better of me and I checked his history on the sat nav, there's quite a few industrial estates that have come up, within the same area. No biggy, some of you might say. But he works nights, and uses his car quite often. Now I'm assuming most industrial estates aren't open gone midnight.

So I decided to check his phone, he has changed his passcode. I don't know when this was done,but a couple of years ago we agreed that I would have full access to his phone.(he was talking to 3 girls on dating sites, nothing to suggest they had met up, but he had their profile pics saved)

Can it all be innocent, don't want to drip feed but will post more if relevant. Tia.

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 19/07/2018 16:05

Can you get access to his phone bill OP? Might show nothing if he's using apps but if he's booking sex workers by phone it shouldn't be hard to match numbers by googling, whatsapp etc. I really think you need to keep your powder dry and do some more digging before you say anything to him though. All you will get if you confront him with no firm evidence is more lies for you to have to sift through to try and get to the truth. So sorry you're going through this Flowers

LIZS · 19/07/2018 16:11

A Mc Ds , large supermarket or similar might be open 24 hours but not if it is a more basic industrial estate of workshops and offices. Seems like he may be up to something sinister, sorry - if not prostitutes, maybe drugs?

Original poster
ihatesquats · 19/07/2018 16:18

@Loopylou6 it's possible, but the timings are off. He went there last night after he finished work.
All I need for my own sanity is to see something on his phone

OP posts:
Original poster
ihatesquats · 19/07/2018 16:23

Sorry double posted.

@LIZS I've googled the industrial estate, it's mainly offices, shops, sign companies etc. I'm extra suspicious because it's next to a canal. But that doesn't sit well with me.

@Hidingtonothing he is on payg, so can't go that route.

@BunsOfAnarchy it's either 1 or 2, he doesn't have extra money on him for either but 1 seems like the cheaper option ( I've seen programmes about how much prostitutes charge these days)

I'm so angry right now. He's upstairs getting sorted for work, I'm trying to keep busy with the kids

OP posts:
Loopylou6 · 19/07/2018 16:28

Ask to use his phone? Say yours is dead

Original poster
ihatesquats · 19/07/2018 16:52

Just tried. He said to use the iPad or landline.

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 19/07/2018 16:53

If he's passcoded his phone then there's almost certainly something on there he doesn't want you to see.

If he's picking up street sex workers from the red light district and driving them to the industrial estate then he probably wouldn't have any phone records - street workers tend to just hang around and wait to get picked up, they don't take bookings by phone.

There's a possibility he might be seeing one (or more) sex workers who mainly work indoors, take bookings by phone, but have agreed to a "car meet". This is not something most indoor sex workers will offer due to safety concerns.

Another possibility is that he's not paying, he's hooking up with someone that he met who keeps similar hours to him.

Honestly if you feel you need cast iron proof in order to confront him/leave, then you might need to pay someone to follow him.

Loopylou6 · 19/07/2018 16:57

Deffo dodgy then. I agree, get him followed.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 19/07/2018 16:59

Can you be crafty about watching him type in his passcode then look at it while he is asleep/in the shower?

Original poster
ihatesquats · 19/07/2018 17:01

@NotTheFordType there must be something on the phone, other wise there won't be a different pass code on it.

OP posts:
ChelleDawg2020 · 19/07/2018 17:02

"Accidentally" leave you phone in the glovebox with it set to record sound. A decent phone battery will last for a good few hours. If he's picking up prostitutes or his girlfriend the audio should be captured.

To be fair... he could just be skiving off work and parking in these places where he won't be seen.

Original poster
ihatesquats · 19/07/2018 17:25

@DontTouchTheMoustache that's the only way I can get into the phone I think.

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 19/07/2018 17:29

Yep I think that's your best bet too OP, you're going to have to be really discreet though or he'll suss you in an instant, especially after asking to use his phone already. Hard though I know it will be I think I'd wait a few days before even trying, he may well already be on alert now and watching for more signs you're onto him.

Magpiemagpie · 19/07/2018 17:33

Get someone in your family/ friends to ring him and then get them to ask to speak to you on his phone. Maybe they could say they were trying to ring you but they can’t get hold of you

Then when you have his phone discreetly check it

Original poster
ihatesquats · 19/07/2018 19:05

@Magpiemagpie I'm not sure that will work, if the phone is already locked when someone calls I won't be able to bypass the code, even when I'm on it.

OP posts:
Raindancer411 · 19/07/2018 19:22

Have you tried looking for him on the dating sites?

Redrunbluerun · 19/07/2018 19:28

Get him to take a photo of you and D.C... say it’s for a present for someone. Get him to take several. You then ask for the phone to pick which one you like best.
Run off to the bathroom with it if necessary!

Tistheseason17 · 19/07/2018 19:57

It does sound off. YANBU with the history

NeatFreakMama · 19/07/2018 21:08

I'm with @Magpiemagpie it's not mega ethical but curiosity & jealousy would get the best of me. I'd set up something to record in the car.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 19/07/2018 21:55

I'd get online tonight and change passwords to online banking.... Flowers

AjasLipstick · 20/07/2018 02:18

Same as Neat You can't get into his phone, he won't tell you the truth so you have two options.

Record him in the car.

Ask him to tell you the truth.

dingdongadingding · 20/07/2018 02:29

Any updates op?

AjasLipstick · 20/07/2018 02:31

Hmm It's 2.30am in the Uk. Why would OP have "updates"

She posted quite recently and is probably asleep.

Arum51 · 20/07/2018 03:15

There's no reason to be sitting in industrial estates after work! He's changed his passcode, and the booze thing is a worry. He's clearly up to something, and it's nothing good.

I'm sorry Flowers

melonscoffer · 20/07/2018 03:44

Anyone at work that he could be taking to the industrial estate for sex?
My first thought was prostitutes or dogging.
Have you googled local dogging sites?
If it were me I would take my child/children and go to the industrial estate to watch for him. Really, I would have to know.

Most importantly make sure you change all passwords to your joint accounts. Make sure you have enough money in cash or in your own account. Open one if you don't have one.

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