To think chivalry is dead?

[CrispyBanger]

Got the train home today from London at rush hour. It was packed, not a spare seat to be had. At the front of the train there are always a few unreserved seats, including 3 sets of priority seating and 2 tables. I sat in a priority seat. Of the other priority seats, 3 were taken by men with a further 7 men in the table seats.

Obviously pregnant lady (with a baby on board badge for extra measure) got on and stood in the aisle as it was so packed. I looked around expecting someone i.e. a man to offer their seat but no one did. I stood up and she took my seat.

Now, obviously there's a slim chance that the other people in the priority seating had non-visible seating needs but it's unlikely they all did. Am I showing my age or is it no longer the done thing to offer a seat to the elderly/pregnant ladies etc?

Incidentally, when I stood in the aisle a man sat at the table offered me his seat . So he didn't feel like he should offer it to a heavily pregnant lady but he did to a an obviously non pregnant lady?

The reality is that commuters are usually engrossed in their phones or newspapers. If a pregnant woman needs a seat she should ask for it and in my experience people then jump up to accommodate that.

People are not going to spend their journey looking around for older people or pregnant people to pro-actively offer their seats. Its silly to expect that.

I looked around expecting someone i.e. a man to offer their seat but no one did. I stood up and she took my seat.

Not surprised they didn't if MN is anything to go by - not read all the replies but been around long enough to know how this thread's going to have gone.
Along the lines of "me woman, me not helpless, I reject your chivalry how fucking dare you offer me your seat, patronising twat face."
No wonder manners is dying out, too scared to be nice in case somebody somewhere gets outraged.

In my experience, 'chivalry' occurs 90% of the time when the man finds the woman attractive. I have a facial birth defect. The times I have been with a friend where a man has opened/held a door for her and dropped it on me are too numerous to count.

Never once was I offered a seat on public transport whilst pregnant either.

Mind you, it is not just men who should give up a seat or hold a door or help to carry something heavy. If I see someone struggling, I have been 'socialised' (is that the right word?) to help. Then again, I bet lots of people don't offer for fear of causing offence and getting attacked. Usually if I offer to help I get a look of disgust. That again is how the world treats different faces.

My H on the other hand, is a absent minded prick. He doesn't stand up for me, his wife or hold a door open for anyone. He didn't have good role models growing up.

My DH wouldn't give his seat to any 'lady' who was standing

So he'd presumably hang onto his seat because it's his and he wants it and he's having it?
He sounds lovely.

Lookingforspace
Of course he does.
And he will go on having manners and being considerate despite those if you who think it's laughable that any man would open the door for you.

In my experience, 'chivalry' occurs 90% of the time when the man finds the woman attractive. I have a facial birth defect

That made me sad to read. Please don't let public transport etiquette affect your confidence. Most people are all elbows out, focussed on where there going and don't look at each other so its not about "attractiveness'....

Also, I have carried my pram and dd up stairs when there has been no lift. No one offers to help despite it being a struggle. Not that I expect it.

Holds doors open and always walks on the outside of the pavement

What? In case a passing stagecoach splashes their crinolines?

I would laugh if a man even attempted this.

Not heard of the always walks on the outside of the pavement one, but absolutely no problem whatsoever with the door being held open for me.
Nice. Basic manners.

Rollonweekend,
Totally agree with you.
If I am lucky enough to get a seat on the Underground then I’m usually reading a newspaper or on my phone.

@Sweetpea55, why would I think it laughable if a man held the door for me? I’d only find it laughable if he only held it for me because I was a woman. I will always hold the door for anyone coming behind me and often if I open the door and someone is coming towards me I’ll step back and let them through but my thought process is purely down to manners not the sex of the person concerned. You are suggesting that my DH and teenage son is less well mannered than your DH because their manners are not based around someone’s sex. Both would give up their seats for someone more in need, as would I. But I wouldn’t stand to let an able bodied man sit instead so to me it’s a bizarre concept that I’d expect a man to stand for me, an able bodied woman.

I have a chronic joint condition. But if I see someone male or female who needs it more I will offer while others around just look the other way. It's called manners and human decency.... Most people are just inherently selfish and pretend not to see... Good on you. If only more people male or female were like you....

Lookingforspace,
I agree with your points but the other day myself and my 8 year old both had seats on the Underground and there were no seats available when this elderly gentleman got on.He must of been in his late 60’s, maybe older but he was very able bodied but I offered him my daughters seat and he refused politely .
My point is he was elderly but able bodied but I had to offer him a seat .

Ah the good old days of train chivalry. When women were advised to hold pins between their lips in case a loveable rogue tried to steal a kiss in a dark tunnel.

I’m just pleased so many of you have managed to get on a train that wasn’t cancelled of late.

I think most commuters are in their zones, especially in the morning. I think it’s down to people to ask, if they want the seat. Would happily give up mine, regardless of sex for someone elderly, someone who was pregnant or someone who wasn’t well.

Vashna
"Well I think women find standing for long periods more difficult - periods, less comfortable shoes, headaches / dizziness, varicose veins perhaps for some?"

Would you therefore say that women are in fact the weaker sex?

@avamiah of course, yes, elderly people of either sex should also be offered a seat. Likewise, I would offer my seat to a young man or woman with a young child and I have also offered me seat to a young man trying to carry both a large bag and a large brass instrument case. He declined but I insisted as he really looked like he needed a few minutes rest. I just find the concept of a man offering his seat to a woman simply because she’s a woman very strange.

Lookingforspace,
Yes I agree .
It rarely happens anyway and when a guy offered me his seat I was really offended.lol

Sweetpea55 is he chivalrous enough to understand that some women find it intensely irritating and feel capable of walking on their own even? Or is he the chivalrous type that insists and is very annoying.
Part of basic manners is finding out the wants and expectations of the other person. Ime chivalrous men don't do that, they make assumptions and assume they are right.

Bollocks Vashna. Why would he? What's wrong with female legs?

My lovely, cute, adorable aunt and uncle (mid 70's but both still very fit and sprightly) were visiting us from Yorkshire last year. They had a day out in town by themselves mainly using the tube to get around. When they got home I could see that my usually bubbly, happy auntie was slightly out of sorts. I asked my uncle if everything was fine.

He said "Oh yes. She's just a bit miffed that every time we got on a train, some teenager would jump up and offer her a seat".

I know we can seem daunting and unfriendly at times (please avoid 0600-0830 and 1730-1900 and do please, please stand on the right on the escalators). But that story was heart warming. It reminded me of the spirit of London 2012 and what you see from virtually everyone whenever those pesky terrorists try to cause a bit of a kerfuffle now and then. Little rascals!!

If the "Baby On Board" badges from tfl had a little beeper on them that the pregnant lady could press - perhaps the sound of giggling baby, or something like the audible warning some trucks have for cyclists when they're turnimg left at lights (Warning... Bun in Oven...Woop Woop... Warning... Bun in Oven...Woop Woop) - it might be a nice way of getting people to look up from their phones - well maybe those not wearing headphones.

This is a brilliant idea I've just had and you will see me on Dragon's Den with the *Pefko Patented Novelty Audible Baby Badge" and then I'll make a gajillion bajillion pounds from it and not have to go to work every day.

Copyright all rights reserved Francine Pefko Industries Incorporated

"Women are strictly equal to men, but hold on, of course we need special treatment and need our own sports."

Eh?

" He didn't have good role models growing up."
So it's his mum's fault!

I bloody hope chivalry is dead. Women don't need special treatment on account of having ovaries. It's not men's gift to give out

This. Being a woman won't make standing any more difficult (where's the WTAF emoticon?) We should all look out for each other a bit more. And the idea that all these outspoken feminists make men afraid to be kind is just bullshit put about to discredit feminism. Think about it logically - if you honestly believe some weird chivalrous code should make men give up seats for women, these knights in shining armour aren't going to be deterred by a pesky feminist now, are they?