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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - wasteful husband in holiday

157 replies

trinity0097 · 18/07/2018 06:29

We are in holiday, only DH has got drinks. At breakfast everything is a buffet, other than hot drinks, which they take an order for at the table. He always just asks for coffee. They bring a flask of coffee and a jug of milk. He only ever has black coffee. The milk goes to waste. He gets annoyed if I asked him to only ask for black coffee so that they don’t waste the jug of milk.

Am I being unreasonable, after 9 days to be able to expect him to do this, rather than me having to intervene and ask for black coffee only? He only has to say ‘black coffee please’ rather than ‘coffee please’ - it’s not onerous!

OP posts:
pigeondujour · 18/07/2018 08:58

Do you have reason to feel utter contempt towards your partner? Because that's what your behaviour looks like from the outside, and would feel like from the receiving end.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 18/07/2018 09:09

I'm a black coffee drinker and tbh if your DH is like me he's just ground down by the relentless milk bringing. It's auto-pilot to the waiting staff and it takes more time and effort for them to hear your explanation and then take the milk away than to just do what they normally do. Even if I say 'no milk' when I order I almost always still get it.

If the milk is not heated then I don't see why they can't take the jug back and reuse it. Most places have the milk jugged up and waiting to be served from the start of the meal, so it'll be sitting out anyway. It takes a while to go off unless it's very warm, longer than the duration of breakfast service anyway.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 18/07/2018 09:17

YANBU I hate waste but surely its not a big deal for you to just add 'just black coffee please'. Doesn't seem like something worth causing a fight over.

MrsJayy · 18/07/2018 09:22

The milk will just be taken back to the kitchen and re used. Abroad hotel milk is usually uht so won't spoil

UpstartCrow · 18/07/2018 09:23

It looks like he knows how to pull your strings OP.

Shortstuff08 · 18/07/2018 09:26

It looks like he knows how to pull your strings OP

Of course. It must be him trying to wind the OP up. Couldn't possibly be that the woman is being ridiculous.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 18/07/2018 09:27

edwinbear are you always such a doormat?
op you are being ridiculous

NataliaOsipova · 18/07/2018 09:30

It’s like that bit in The Office when Tim puts Gareth’s stapler in jelly and Brent looks at the camera and virtue signals about how much he hates waste.

😂😂😂

IrmaFayLear · 18/07/2018 09:32

Have you seen War of the Roses, OP? Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner “enjoying” a marriage breakdown. There’s a scene at the beginning where they’re having dinner and she’s gritting her teeth and shuddering at everything he says and does.

I wonder if OP’s dh is on Dadsnet grumbling that OP is wasting toast crusts and left two raisins and a pecan in her granola...

AnyForm · 18/07/2018 09:34

Just tell them you don't need the milk if he refuses to.

mydogisthebest · 18/07/2018 09:46

It would annoy me too.

It may just be a small amount of milk but the OP's OH is wasting it every day and how many others are too?

I drink tea and coffee with the tiniest drop of milk. I usually ask if I can put it in my drink myself because if they do they always put too much and if they put some in a jug they always put far too much.

When I have had a jug full and all but the tiniest drop has been wasted I have sometimes asked what they are going to do with the remainder. Every time I have been told they will tip it down the sink. They cannot reuse it just in case something has been put in it.

If your OH drinks black coffee that he needs to ask for that

SassitudeandSparkle · 18/07/2018 09:52

I hope this isn't real - you're not the poster with rage issues and the angry dog, are you? Otherwise you are on holiday and starting the day by nitpicking with your DH? Surely other issues here, it can't be about ordering a morning coffee?

tillytrotter1 · 18/07/2018 10:01

I wish I had the time to waste on such trivia!!

Glumglowworm · 18/07/2018 10:01

If you’re so virtue signalling concerned aboit waste then why are you on holiday? AI at that! That’s a huge waste of the earths resources for the sake of 2 weeks of glaring at your DH in a more exotic location than usual

You’re on holiday FFS! Unclench. And if you hate your DH so much then get a bloody divorce already!

DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg · 18/07/2018 10:02

edwinbear - I recognise this.

and I give DP hell about it - but I shouldn't bloody have to. He should step up and parent rather than being happy to leave it all to me.

On the milk issue - the milk is the least of the food being wasted at a breakfast buffet OP - if you really care this much, don't book all inclusive, because worrying about milk when you're all inc. really is worrying about the tiniest part of the problem.

FlyingDandelionSeed · 18/07/2018 11:40

If you’re so virtue signalling concerned aboit waste then why are you on holiday?

This is the dumbest argument I've ever read. Using resources to have something that will give you pleasure like a holiday is not the same as pointlessly wasting them.

And I hope none of you suggesting that it's ok to serve milk to a customer that's already sat for an hour at someone else's table (and had god knows what put in it) actually work with food. I can assure you in any reputable place it would be thrown away, and if you know somewhere that doesn't please report them, it's a food safety issue.

Shortstuff08 · 18/07/2018 11:52

Every time I have been told they will tip it down the sink. They cannot reuse it just in case something has been put in it.

Course they tell you that.......But they do it. Tons of places do it. Especially in all inclusive resorts where every penny's saved by the hotel counts. The jug you have got your milk out of, has probs my been given to someone else before you

Shortstuff08 · 18/07/2018 11:55

And I hope none of you suggesting that it's ok to serve milk to a customer that's already sat for an hour at someone else's table (and had god knows what put in it) actually work with food.

I don't think anyone is saying it's ok. But if you think it doesn't happen, a lot, you are kidding yourself.

ChipsAndKetchup · 18/07/2018 11:55

I bet you're fun at a party.

IrmaFayLear · 18/07/2018 12:09

I can see this thread has attracted the odd poster who is desperate for the OP to declare that she agrees this is abusive behaviour and consequently is LTB.

Most of surely think that this is a truly miserable way to start every morning of a holiday. Fancy posting on MN about this.

SayNoToCarrots · 18/07/2018 12:13

Good grief some of these PPs are nuts. The OP would like her husband to add the word 'black' to his order to avoid pointless waste and you all think she is a whiny controlling bitch.

User467 · 18/07/2018 12:22

I think if something so minor annoys OP enough that she posts on here then it is extremely unlikely that it is the only way she micromanages her OH. He's probably not ordering it black to piss her off. And fwiw, I drink black tea and coffee and have given up asking for no milk as they bring it anyway

mydogisthebest · 18/07/2018 15:01

shortstuff, I have worked in a café and I know a few people who have worked in cafes, bars, restaurants and they all say any left over milk or cream is tipped down the sink.

In a lot of places even those small containers of milk are thrown away if not used - I am talking unopened. That is why I never take more than I know I will use because it is just wasteful

Shortstuff08 · 18/07/2018 15:14

shortstuff, I have worked in a café and I know a few people who have worked in cafes, bars, restaurants and they all say any left over milk or cream is tipped down the sink.

I have worked in the industry for over 20 years in lots of places. Some of the uk top rated hotels. One people rave about. So do most of my social circle. Lots of stuff that should happen, does happen. I am amazed anyone thinks that what should happen always does.

Ilovetea33 · 18/07/2018 16:30

I thought you were going to say he was taking lots of food from the buffet and then not eating it. And I agree with pp that some staff are on auto-pilot and will bring milk even if you ask for black coffee only. It seems that you've reached a stage where everything he does annoys you.