What MNisms irrationally annoy you?

[wellBeehivedWoman]

I know IABU to complain about something so petty but I don't care. Come and share your trivial mumsnet annoyances! What phrases / abbreviations / MN colloquialisms drive you crazy? I'll start:

1. Any time anyone uses the phrases 'boobing', 'boobed' etc when referring breastfeeding. Not only does this give me a mental image of a clown squirting milk from a comedy flower in their lapel, it also has a kind of juvenile, jolly-hockeysticks false cheer that makes me want to die.

1. Pg as an abbreviation of pregnant. No idea why I hate this. Maybe because it doesn't really resemble the full word? Irrationally despise it.

1. 'Little one' instead of baby or child. Too twee to be allowed. V similar to the phrase 'our little family', usually used when someone has a new baby and wants the equivalent of a papal enclave to keep friends and family at arms length. Absolutely loathesome because I am a grumpy and unreasonable cow

Any others that really wind you up?

"It's not rocket science" especially when said by someone who thinks that having a 2 year old makes them the expert on teaching and managing the behaviour of all children.

When posters name change but want to prove they’re not a troll “long time mnetter, naice ham, cancel the cheque etc”. I’m not a long time mnetter but I could always read the classics thread and find some key phrases to make it look like I am

"Little man". Or, even worse, "Lil man." Likewise LO.
Calling animals boys and girls.
"Spidey senses". Urgggh.
"Always trust your instincts. " The number of times I've seen people trust their instincts only to get into major disasters ...
"All fine/all good" at the end of some breathless paragraph.
"I didn't want to read and run" - really, you can. There are millions of people on MN, the OP won't know or care.
"Don't go to A&E, it's only for accidents and emergencies. As you've been gushing blood for five days, obviously it's not an emergency."
*Mind your own beeswax." Grow up, FGS.
"What did I just read"? If you don't know or understand what you just read, go back and read it again.

DF. It's either father, fiance or friend. I always think of the wrong person till I get to the story about sex and realise it's not father.... gives me some disturbing visualisations while reading.

This annoys me

“Pearl clutchers”

Don’t want to see your neighbours sunbathing nude? Must be a pearl clutcher. Don’t want to use the word cunt every 5 minutes, oh a pearl clutcher. It’s like a really low brow insult when people don’t have anything constructive to say.

Everyone is always encouraged to "... Breathe" (or even worse "...and breath").
Big smile! and the twinkly little laugh a pp mentioned.

"Off you fuck" - nobody talks like that in real life

"Is it the school holidays already?" This is so over used

"Group of mums" ffs just say women

Has anyone ever successfully managed a tinkly laugh in real life? Sadly it continues to elude me

Scooby doo comes close I think

The fawning adoration for red/ginger hair on here.

This happens nowhere else but MN! It's hair . It feels a bit 'try hard' to gush about how much you love redheads, and were absolutely heartbroken when your DC's red hair turned brown.
Since ginger/red hair was traditionally the butt of schoolyard jokes, I think some on MN trip over themselves to over-compensate for that.

As a ginger I do know what you mean.

AIBU to not get...insert subject op wants to feel superior about.

I don't understand why so many people on the site cannot understand what it's like to be poor/brought up poor/have to do without. So if anyone posts about going through difficult times the replies will be, can't you move, sell something, give something up, well, you've obviously got the Internet.

Placemarking. Especially if it's . And done when someone's heart is breaking.

The phrase "makes me teeth itch" makes my....well, you know.

Plus "love the bones of him/her". Where the hell did that come from in the last few years?

'Entitled much?'
Also people who correct and slag off grammar or spelling as an argument

The fawning adoration for red/ginger hair on here.

Completely agree with that. If everyone was the same out there in the real world, why do people with ginger hair get such grief on a daily basis, and are often made that it's an inherently unattractive trait?Where are all you ginger-lovers when people are being bullied all over the land, eh?

(yes I am one. :o )

the reverse snobbery, it gets tedious.
If someone seems to have a slightly better lifestyle than another poster, they are not allowed to have any problems ever.

It's bad enough, but what qualify as being "rich" for some posters is plain ridiculous, so the OP gets abused and doesn't get any support.

salem if the use of the word ‘wee’ as an adjective or adverb irritates you never, ever visit Northern Ireland where it is used in pretty much every sentence anyone utters.

I'm sure this has been touched on but the flagrent double standards.

Men are expected to to treat their wages as "family money" with zero say on how it's spent, go out to work everyday yet still do all of the housework and any childcare when they get home and willingly submit their devices for inspection- and if they don't they must be hiding something.

When a woman describes her partner having the same expectations of her folk start screeching about abuse.

I couldn't muster up a tinkly little laugh if I tried, but I imagine Keira Knightley could do a good one.

I've seen 'I couldn't read and run' mentioned a few times. I actually think that's quite kind, it bumps the thread.

''Is this a thing now?'' when discussing any random stranger's behaviour.

Ah at least 3 others dislike Naice as much as me . Good to see.

I noted somebody mention spidey senses . Yep, that one gets me too for some reason.

"Lost my shit". No, you lost your temper, or you lost control, but unless you have a serious gut problem you didn't lose any shit.

All fine/all good" at the end of some breathless paragraph
I thought it was just me who hates 'all fine'

Vanishingly. I've only ever seen it used on mumsnet.