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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Man told my baby to shut up.

170 replies

InTheLightOfTheMoon · 16/07/2018 20:38

Was on the bus earlier. Dd (14 months) was fussing and moaning, more of a moan than a full on cry. I was trying to soothe her the best I could she was on my lap. Anyway after a few minutes a man opposite me said "shut up!" I turned to him rather shocked thinking maybe I had misheard so I said "excuse me?" he proceeded to tell me that she was giving him a head ache and she needs to shut up. Aibu to ask how others who have reacted to this? I was so shocked that anyone would tell a baby to shut up.

OP posts:
londonfeather · 18/07/2018 17:54

I dispair. Do people have no compassion? People on here saying everyone was thinking it... if I see anyone like that I feel bad for them I don’t get annoyed at a parent trying their best. It’s as if some people were never babies themselves

jwalkden · 18/07/2018 18:00

I would have told him to shut it. Babies can make a noise, they are babies and dont know any different. He probably made some noise when he was a baby as we all probably did!

Rebecca36 · 18/07/2018 18:09

He was being very rude and unreasonable indeed!
However it's over now and, being generous, he may have been feeling extremely ill.

My son used to sing at the top of his voice on a bus.

Boulty · 18/07/2018 18:17

Maybe he has a disability …. maybe lots of reasons. He shouldn't say it, it isn't nice but anyone saying I would have... etc gave him what for...blah de blah really --- just escalate the situation why don't you.

Calm response is always the best

AsAProfessionalFekko · 18/07/2018 18:18

I'dve said 'you obviously don't have children do you?'

Wineallthetime · 18/07/2018 18:19

I had this exact same thing happen on a bus with my first, except he said 'will you get that fucking baby to shut up' nice.... I was clearly trying to get her to stop crying. My response was "if I could get a baby to miraculously stop crying I wouldn't be riding the bus because I'd be a bloody millionaire!" Was quite proud of my quick witted response but it did upset me. With baby no two I'm now thicker skinned and there are no fucks given, I'm too tired!! Some people are arseholes, people may have been thinking it but it doesnt mean it appropriate to say it. Don't worry about it, chances are you'll never see him again.

Charolais · 18/07/2018 18:21

In my imagination I would have handed the baby to him and asked him to show me how it's done, but knowing how my babies were they would have been so amused at the novelty of it they would have behaved - thus giving the rude man feeling like he was brilliant with children.

Londonerlove · 18/07/2018 18:36

Exactly the same happened to me and then I realised the person clearly had mental issues. I was still pissed though!

dragonara53 · 18/07/2018 18:41

My kids are all grown up now but I can honestly say I definitely do not have patience for babies and small children any more. I try to go to cafe's that are more adult orientated than child friendly for coffee or lunch with friends. If babies are crying on public transport i block them out. I couldn't cope with a baby these days.

RenoSusan · 18/07/2018 18:42

Whip out that phone and start filming the idiot! Bet that shuts him up. No words needed.

Bramble71 · 18/07/2018 18:47

Please bear in mind that some people can be very sensitive to noise. I have Fibromyalgia and, at times, noise can be unbearable for me. He's just said what many are thinking. I doubt there are many who haven't thought the same.

Lizzie48 · 18/07/2018 19:03

I haven't thought the same. If the mum was ignoring her baby there would be a case for being annoyed. But if the mum is doing all she can, I would only feel sorry for her.

The thing with public transport is, the clue is in the name. It's for the public. You don't go on there expecting peace and quiet.

That's why people buy cars.

Clandestino · 18/07/2018 19:05

@Bramble71 I have the same. But normally I just put a hood over my head (I must be one of the few women in their late forties still wearing hoodies but they come always very handy when I have problems with loud noises) and remove myself from the close vicinity of the noise. Babies can't help crying, in that case we have the choice, they don't.

BustopherJones · 18/07/2018 19:26

That’s not what I think when I hear a crying baby. I think ‘poor baby’ and wonder how much crying the adult has heard that day, probably directly into their ear. Babies get uncomfortable in the heat, and buses can be bloody awful when you know why you’re on one, and know how much longer your journey is going to take. A baby thinks that’s their life forever. It’s shocking they’re not all wailing.

Before having children I probably wouldn’t have thought that, because I would be listening to music or reading and not paid attention. If you don’t like the noise other people make, listen to something else rather than being a twat.

itsmeagain1 · 18/07/2018 19:27

My 9 year old does this, he has aspergers and is intolerant to certain noises so shouts "Stop it" at crying babies in certain situations.
Maybe the man has an intolerance to noise and can't help his response.

Teacher22 · 18/07/2018 19:28

Hilarious! He thinks he can quiet a baby by telling her to shut up? He's obviously never kooked at the instruction sheet for infants.

What a boor.

expatinspain · 18/07/2018 19:33

If I went round saying what I thought, I wouldn't have a job and would probably have been punched in the face by now. I'm an irritable fucker, but I'm also reasonable/polite enough to not voice that to random people, my boss, colleagues, family etc. It's my mood, my problem.

There is no justification for what this man did. The baby wasn't doing anything wrong, just being a baby. I bet if it was a group of drunken blokes disturbing people on the bus, he wouldn't have had the balls to pipe up. He did it because you are a women with a baby and he felt comfortable in the fact that there would be no comeback. He was a rude twat.

purplebunny2012 · 18/07/2018 19:44

He should have kept his mouth shut. Firstly, you don't tell a child to shut up. Secondly, she is very unlikely to understand at that age so he's wasting his breath

ton181 · 18/07/2018 20:01

I was in a queue and a woman about aged 50, once said to me whilst my child aged 2 1/2 was having a tantrum; can you shut her up (I think she was hung over). I just said no in the same tone she used.

Although to be honest my DD was driving me just as mad as everyone else.

I wouldn't dream of saying anything, to any parent who was obviously having a difficult stressful time as it is. I always say we've all been there and smile.

simiisme · 18/07/2018 20:21

'Everybody else was thinking it' comments just expose how horrible many people are. And you're wrong. A crying baby is not the loveliest sound in the world, but it's not the baby's fault or the parent's.
A toddler - around two years old - was shrieking his head off the other week in a supermarket, a proper tantrum, arching his back in his buggy. I smiled and said, 'Hello!' He looked completely shocked and a little bit wary, but stopped yelling. I think he was stuck on a loop that he couldn't break free from; most littlies get like that from time to time.
When I'm not near enough to interact with an upset baby, I always smile at the Mum in what - I hope - is a sympathetic way.

TeknoGran · 18/07/2018 20:23

He probably needed you to explain they don’t work like that. You can’t just take the batteries out for a bit of peace x

Lizzie48 · 18/07/2018 20:53

It's so true that men shout at mums on their own. They don't do that when it's the dad. I've mentioned on other threads a man near our DDs' school who has taken it on himself to put illegal 'no parking' signs on his garden wall, where it's a perfectly good place to park and he doesn't have a private parking bay. There are cars parked all the way down that road but he seems to think the space outside his own house is somehow sacred.

He shouted at me the one time I parked there. My DDs have never forgotten the 'angry man'. He was nowhere to be seen when my DH did the school run and parked there.

MadMags · 18/07/2018 21:02

I was told the same about my DS when he was 3 and in a cafe cos he was singing, actually quite nicely. Albeit "Let it Go" from Frozen for the twentieth time.

This is not the same situation at all.

I think YWB massively U in this instance.

“Children making noise” is not the same as allowing your child to sing the same song over and over and over. So rude and entitled!

browneyes77 · 18/07/2018 21:04

In all honesty, as a migraine sufferer I too think “for gods sake shut up” when a baby is crying. BUT I would never say that to someone as at the end of the day, despite my discomfort, I know it’s not the baby’s fault. And the mother may be struggling herself and doing all she can.

He may be an ignorant twat or he may have just been having a bad day and the noise from your baby tipped him over the edge and he snapped and took it out on you. Not pleasant either way but try not to let it upset you. You were doing your best and that’s all you can do. Just put it down to him being a grumpy arse and try and ignore it.

purplebunny2012 · 18/07/2018 21:13

I certainly don't think that a crying baby should shut up. I say to myself "Oh dear, someone is clearly unhappy" and wait for the noise to subside (or not)

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