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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Man told my baby to shut up.

170 replies

InTheLightOfTheMoon · 16/07/2018 20:38

Was on the bus earlier. Dd (14 months) was fussing and moaning, more of a moan than a full on cry. I was trying to soothe her the best I could she was on my lap. Anyway after a few minutes a man opposite me said "shut up!" I turned to him rather shocked thinking maybe I had misheard so I said "excuse me?" he proceeded to tell me that she was giving him a head ache and she needs to shut up. Aibu to ask how others who have reacted to this? I was so shocked that anyone would tell a baby to shut up.

OP posts:
9amTrain · 16/07/2018 23:38

How can you hate small children? You were a small child once

Confused how is this an argument?

Countrycode · 16/07/2018 23:45

Takfujimoto 😂🐍😂

UneMoonit · 16/07/2018 23:49

how is this an argument?

Well, it's an argument for a bit of empathy towards small people.

Claire90ftm · 16/07/2018 23:52

People have bad days. Really bad days and sometimes do things they regret. Perhaps he was just a horrible man, but perhaps his daughter had just died or his granddaughter. Or maybe he was feeling suicidal. Your baby didn't understand what he said. You won't see him again. And, yes, I imagine your baby (as unintentional as it is) was severely annoying the other passengers because no-one wants to listen to another person's screaming kid on a hot bus...

funinthesun18 · 17/07/2018 00:06

If I was on that bus I wouldn’t have “thought it” about the baby.

The man would have got my attention though and I probably wouldn’t have been able to keep my mouth shut if I overheard him or anyone else telling a baby to shut up. I would most likely have stuck up for the op if I was on that bus.

AngelsOnHigh · 17/07/2018 00:06

I kind of understand him. How long was the bus trip going to take? If only a short distance then he should have put up with it. If over an hour, maybe he was at the end of his tether.
In my workplace I quite often have whining grumpy DC but I also find that the parents are even more annoying talking at the top of their voice trying to discipline the DC or ignoring them completely.

TornFromTheInside · 17/07/2018 00:08

The days my parents died, I couldn't have cared less what the rest of the world was doing.
Perhaps grief doesn't affect everybody in the same way, but I reckon he was probably just cantankerous.

Maybe he had a little moustache and went by the name of Blakey?

I hate you baby!

Lizzie48 · 17/07/2018 00:11

@AngelsOnHigh

Yes that can be true. In this instance, from what the OP has said, she was just trying to soothe her baby. It really doesn't sound as if she was doing anything wrong. If she hadn't tried, she would have been accused of being a lazy parent.

Sometimes parents can't win.

AngelsOnHigh · 17/07/2018 00:20

So true Lizzie48. I actually find it easier to deal with an upset baby than an over the top parent.

If the parent is obviously trying quietly to sooth the baby, then I have all the sympathy in the world for them and try my best to assist.

If it's the parent making the situation worse, well then, I just get them in and out as quickly as possible.

ShamelesslyPlacemarking · 17/07/2018 00:30

When my 2 were little, I always hated them acting up in small spaces because other people didn't choose to have my kids, but they were having to put up with the noise.

If the existence of other people is so annoying, they could always go live on a remote island. I get annoyed by many things that other people do in public - talk loudly on the phone or have inane discussions with a friend, smoke in the street, walk three abreast, take ages to drive out of a car park, block the aisle in the supermarket while they contemplate the cereal section - but I don’t snap at them and act like I have a right to proceed through life without experiencing any moments of annoyance.

Rocinante1 · 17/07/2018 00:39

@ShamelesslyPlacemarking

You don't snap because you're obvisouyl not rude, but this man was. And unfortunately, that's life... people are sometimes rude and sometimes you are confronted with it during your day.

That's up to him if he wants to behave like that. You can choose to confront them and have an argument with a stranger in public, or you can choose to ignore it and just get on with your day.

I hated feeling that everyone was being annoyed by my kids, because I understand that any people would be quietly seething. It's not a nice feeling. When you know people are feeling like that, you have to expect that at least once, someone will say something. I didn't want to deal with that, but if it happened, i'd just ignore and carry on.
My point was that OP should know that not everyone is nice and polite and eventually this would happen, so just ignore the man. Don't cause a fight.

funinthesun18 · 17/07/2018 00:47

I'd probably never say anything, just try to block it out. Sensory hell.

Good.

Perdyboo · 17/07/2018 00:58

Like Thesearepearls I have experienced both sides with ds2 who used to express hunger or discontent by screaming in the most wailing, traumatic way from birth to...ooh well he's 8 next week and he can still have a rare moment.
Once I was in long queue at supermarket, desperate to pay because he (4/5 months)would soon wake to feed and I needed to feed him (bf).He woke as till called for assistance for person in front and commenced screaming. Random woman comes over and proceeds to tell him to shut up, shut up shut up! Took an astonished me a few moments before gathering words to say please don't tell my child to shut up, to which she repeated it. I wish I'd had the gumption to respond fuck off fuck off fuck off but was trying to rock him, pay and pack and not leak!!
The other time was travelling on a v busy train back from hospital appointment. Me and hubby taking it in turns to stand in between carriage compartments attempting to soothe screaming, refusing to feed, raging baby in arms. Train conductor insisted we went back into carriage, "you've paid for your seat, we've all been there or been him. Anyone who wants to moan, see me!" Bless that man, but I still do feel 😥 for the other passengers...ds2 didn't give it up until we got off the train, into the car and his car seat...git.

FrauNeuer · 17/07/2018 01:10

Not that it excuses the rudeness at all but were you travelling during the rush hour, OP?

I’d never voice my irritation but after a long day at work, the last thing i would want to hear is a whining baby on the commute home.

That said, I absolutely don’t condone someone being rude as seems to be the case here.

Original poster
InTheLightOfTheMoon · 17/07/2018 09:29

Think it was about 4? And 10 minute bus journey.

OP posts:
furandchandeliers · 17/07/2018 13:26

He would t ha e said it if you were a man or the baby's dad was with you. I say this a lot because it's true, some men act disgustingly when they think they can get away with it, I tell them so aswell, and ask them if they want me to get Dh over to break their jaw Grin

MiddleagedManic · 17/07/2018 13:33

Would assume an element of ASD or similar that would mean their need to make the noise stop would overcome any thought of the social niceties of not doing so.

As others have said, we all think it at one time or another. If you have a piercing headache, just had some bad news, etc. it's going to make it worse. It wasn't you or your child, it was them that had the problem which meant they couldn't cope with it.

butterflysugarbaby · 17/07/2018 19:28

Horrible git.

YANBU. No need for such rudeness!

luckycat007 · 17/07/2018 19:33

Yes noisy babies are annoying but what else could the OP do? Gag the baby? Obviously not! Anyone with any sense would save the shut ups and dirty looks for people screaming down their phones, playing music out of their phones and so on.

Tartsamazeballs · 17/07/2018 19:54

"Buy a car then dickhead"

Scarriff · 18/07/2018 17:41

But did your baby shut up? I only ask because my mother once shook her fist at a small child when its parents weren't looking & he stopped moaning immediately. His parents were suspicious but my mother can masquerade as a sweet innocent old lady when she chooses, so didnt get caught.

jade9390 · 18/07/2018 17:45

the guy is a twat, if you tied to keep the baby quiet but do not pull out the sexist card, it also pisses of women

Bekstar · 18/07/2018 17:49

I was told the same about my DS when he was 3 and in a cafe cos he was singing, actually quite nicely. Albeit "Let it Go" from Frozen for the twentieth time. The person who said it had only been in for the last two, not as long as most customers and told me to "Tell him to shut up, some of us have come for a quiet coffee" to which I told him, "If you don't like the noise general public make, then don't come out in public" then proceeded to join in myself, I mean it wasn't as if it was a posh coffee shop, it was a place that had a play area for kids etc so clearly there was a chance of kids been present. He eventually left when the "Let it Go" become too infectious and a couple of teenagers joined in, followed by the young lady serving the tables (although she did try not too but couldn't hold back).

If people want silence they should go home, not go into public areas where there is a good chance of it not been quiet.

dustyparadeground · 18/07/2018 17:50

"That'll do it ... well said"

NippySweetie16 · 18/07/2018 17:51

It's perfectly possible that the man has a disability which is not obvious but affects his social interactions. Not an excuse for his outburst but could account for it. Not worth getting upset about.

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