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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Man told my baby to shut up.

170 replies

InTheLightOfTheMoon · 16/07/2018 20:38

Was on the bus earlier. Dd (14 months) was fussing and moaning, more of a moan than a full on cry. I was trying to soothe her the best I could she was on my lap. Anyway after a few minutes a man opposite me said "shut up!" I turned to him rather shocked thinking maybe I had misheard so I said "excuse me?" he proceeded to tell me that she was giving him a head ache and she needs to shut up. Aibu to ask how others who have reacted to this? I was so shocked that anyone would tell a baby to shut up.

OP posts:
Pixie2015 · 16/07/2018 21:46

I would have said to my baby “you say what you want sweetie because today you have a lot to say” and I would keep talking to baby whilst giving the evil eye 👁

TornFromTheInside · 16/07/2018 21:46

I don't believe anybody IS saying it's a life changing event.
And yet, here you are debating it like the rest of us.

Of course he was expressing his opinion - nobody doubts that.
Most of us just happen to think it WAS rude and pointless, which you now seem to be in agreement with.

NewbieSpartacus · 16/07/2018 21:46

Way to miss the point Bombardier the man expected the MOTHER to oblige him, not the baby. Men don't get the same treatment.

Rocinante1 · 16/07/2018 21:46

@TornFromTheInside

It is ignorant, futile and rude. But some people are ignorant and rude.

If it's your family, then you need to take action to stop it. If it's your neighbour and they're doing something all the time, then you need to take action and deal with it. This was a rude man on the bus... It happened once, it's done, OP's life can continue. It really doesn't matter.

Onemorewonthurt · 16/07/2018 21:49

I think the same thing about my neighbours child, they're on the ground floor and I'm on the top, second floor.

The child seems to wail incessantly, drives me mental! Doesn't matter the time of night the parents seem to sit back and observe for 45 minutes first Angry.
First floor neighbour has taken to banging on the walls after 30 minutes or so...

Rocinante1 · 16/07/2018 21:49

@TornFromTheInside

I said it was rude in my first post. It was. But OP didn't ask if it was rude, she asked how others would respond. My answer is just hold your head up and get on with your day. You are not going to change a man's attitude in 5 minutes on the bus, and had more important things to do at the time (look after baby). So ignore the rude man and carry on. It's not worth anymore time than that.

Honflyr · 16/07/2018 21:50

"He just said what everyone else was thinking!"

So? It shouldn't have been said. Everyone on the bus could be thinking it but as long as the parent is trying to soothe the baby, they should keep their mouths shut! Like the parent can just magically whip out their wand and stop them crying at will. Hmm

Or maybe if your baby is crying, you should just get of the bus and walk. Probably some people would agree with that. Pricks that they are.

InsomniacAnonymous · 16/07/2018 21:52

dementedma "i hate small children"

How can you hate small children? You were a small child once. They're just fellow human beings going through a stage of life, as you did. Not deserving of hatred at all.

Thesearepearls · 16/07/2018 21:52

I’ve been on both sides of this

  1. As a parent on a train to Scotland with 6 hr signal failure at Dunbar, walking DD up and down trying to calm her and apologising to passengers for her making what was an already shit day immeasurably worse. I’ll always be grateful to a gentleman who said “Don’t worry, she’s only saying what we’re all thinking”
  1. As a passenger on a plane where a baby screamed nonstop (4 hr flight) and the parents made no efforts to soothe it.

I think it’s okay for people whose eardrums are being assailed to say shut up. It’s fair enough. I probably wouldn’t say it to someone visibly trying to soothe their child though. Just makes things worse.

TacoLover · 16/07/2018 21:55

I realise this is only a small snapshot of her life so who am I to criticise?

I mean, you could say this about the man too. His mum could've died this morning, he could've been sacked, etc. But we still judge people's behaviour because... well nobody would behave the way they do without some other thing that's happened to them, right? Doesn't give people the excuse to leave crying babies without trying to soothe them(not you OP talking about ppGrin) or give the man an excuse for yelling at a baby.

PinstripeElephant · 16/07/2018 21:55

Ugh. I know crying babies aren't ideal, but there's no need to tell them/the parent to shut up. Yes, we have no idea what's going on in the man's life, but he has no idea what's going on with the OP or her baby either. There was no need for him to say anything.

I still remember a man shouting at four month old laughing DS when I'd managed to work up the courage to go to the doctors on the bus about my PND. He made me feel so utterly useless and worthless, I didn't go outside again till DS was 5 months old Blush

TheNoodlesIncident · 16/07/2018 22:00

I know quite a few people who are impulsive: to think the thought is to speak it. So while the majority of people can think "Oh shut up" and not actually say it, some people struggle not to. Especially when the noise is drilling through their heads - some people are more noise-sensitive than others - and creating stress and stress-related pain as a result.

I've never verbalised a deep and ardent wish for a noise to stop, but it's been hard going, especially with a headache coming on.

So basically, I'm inclined to cut a person a bit of slack. Just because I can cope with baby noise and can mostly screen it out, not everyone can. To actually say that to a baby, you're probably in a fairly bad place already.

I hope you can chuck this one in the fuck it bucket Grin

dementedma · 16/07/2018 22:06

insomniac i was also a teenage know it all at one point, but it doesn't mean i like teenage know it alls (I have one!0

small children irritate the fuck out of me. So what?

LouisaYoung · 16/07/2018 22:06

'But ambulances and workmen are providing a service. ..'
Babies are providing a service too. They are growing up so that they can be the workforce that pays our pensions and grows our food and looks after us when we are old. That baby might grow up to be the surgeon that operates on that man's dicky heart.

LouisaYoung · 16/07/2018 22:08

btw babies and little kids yell when planes take off / land because their ears are going through hell with the pressure. They need to suck on something - breastfeeding, finger, even sweet if that's what it takes.

Lizzie48 · 16/07/2018 22:14

Obviously babies and toddlers are annoying when they make a noise on public transport. But it's really not on to have a go at a harassed mum who is doing her best to soothe her baby and is clearly already stressed. (She might well have been kept up during the previous night, and could do with some support.)

It does make me grateful that I never had to use public transport when my DDs were that age, as I always had access to a car or could walk if it wasn't too far.

imsoboredwithitall · 16/07/2018 22:14

@Royallypissedoff1 "did you try and comfort the baby?"

Jesus wept .... my baby many years ago screamed ALL DAY everyday, he just cried and cried and cried all day long. I comforted him solidly for 12hrs a day (the other 12 he was asleep) I bought every gadget going, I bought every sling going, even changed the expensive buggy and car seat. But he still cried, cried and cried.

So even if the OP did comfort the baby, it "may" not have worked.

Babies / kids cry.

@InTheLightOfTheMoon he was a bastard. Karma will bite his sorry arse! Smile OP ... he's a sad fucker.

imsoboredwithitall · 16/07/2018 22:16

@LouisaYoung SPOT ON!!!!

Royallypissedoff1 · 16/07/2018 22:33

@imsoboredwithitall
You only took the first line of my post.
I acknowledged that if the OP was trying her best to soothe the baby (which she said the was in her OP) then the man was unreasonable and rude.
I didn't say that the OP should've tried harder to get her baby to stop crying.
If I was sitting on a bus and a mother had a crying baby but did nothing to try and stop the noise, I'd be pissed off.
If she mother (as the OP did) tried her best to soothe the baby but it didn't work then obviously it's just one of those things!
Again, I said he was unreasonable to say anything to her

PodgeBod · 16/07/2018 22:53

OP I would not have reacted to the man because if he's doing stuff like that you don't know if he's dangerous. I would have been shaken up and upset though. My sister was on the bus with her friends baby a few years ago and had a man threaten to punch the little boy for making noise. She told the driver who wasn't interested.

I don't see how being sensitive to noise makes it ok to say things like this to a parent with a young baby. Don't get public transport then! We all have to cope with things we don't like. I'm certain he would have controlled his irritation if you were a 6 foot bruiser holding a baby.
And no we aren't all thinking it. Some of us are feeling sympathy or just don't notice/care at all.

imsoboredwithitall · 16/07/2018 22:58

@Royallypissedoff1 sorry! I'm probably over sensitive to this topic as if I had a pound for every person who would say to me "have you tried to stop him crying?, why does he cry so much" you and I would be off to the Bahamas for a year.

Thankfully I have a fine young man now. But those years of crying have actually never left me!

Royallypissedoff1 · 16/07/2018 23:24

No worries @imsoboredwithitall !
Just wanted to clarify in case the OP thought I was on that man's side!
Hahaha the Bahamas comment made me smile! You should've done a collection for a Bahamas trip at the time..passing round a flat cap or something asking people for their spare change 😂
OP, learn from this mistake and start a collection now while you have the chance!

Fatted · 16/07/2018 23:32

Tell him to shove his headache up his arse and then do absolutely nothing to stop baby making as much noise as humanly possible.

Blueplasticwig · 16/07/2018 23:33

Similar thing happened to me in a department store cafe. My 9 week old baby was crying as he had bad reflux and a milk allergy we didn't know about and well, was 9 weeks old! Woman comes over to me and tells me 'you can't let him carry on like that in here' in a quite aggressive tone. Made me not want to go out in public for a few days after, but soon realised the idiots are the minority.

Obviously it’s not acceptable that she was aggressive but were you sitting in a cafe with a screaming baby? That’s quite inconsiderate to the other patrons.

It’s never nice to encounter rude and abrupt strangers but some people have misphonia etc

MsFrizzle · 16/07/2018 23:37

How can you hate small children? You were a small child once

This argument always baffled me. I was, but I grew out of it.

I'm not a fan of kids in the slightest really. I hate hearing babies cry with a burning passion, but I'd probably never say anything, just try to block it out. Sensory hell.

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