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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Naked DH/neighbour complaint

230 replies

How2Support · 16/07/2018 13:50

So - DH spent overnight yesterday alone. (Me and DC away for night). It is very warm where we are and he has no inhibitions about being naked. He spent most of the day either naked or in shorts, had a couple of showers to cool himself off. Slept with windows and curtains open.

A neighbour from across the road has just approached me to say that DH was 'deliberately' walking around naked. I said I wan't surprised he was naked and was she sure it was 'deliberate' (I thought she meant making eye contact with her/touching himself for e.g. but didn't ask for details - I was thrown by the approach). She thought it was deliberate/exhibitionist (can't remember wording). I said I would speak to him.

I asked DH if anything happened. He was confused, insisted he didn't do anything inappropriate and he was just hot and was enjoying the freedom to wander around "free and easy" . He is really upset and embarrassed. I think he was daft to wander around naked at front with curtains open (we have full height floor to ceiling windows) but don't believe he did anything sinister.

AIBU to think he should apologise to neighbour?

Or should he just quietly suffer in his own embarrassment (and draw the fucking curtains next time).

For wider context I have quite bad anxiety (on medication and awaiting CBT for it) so have difficulty gauging when something is a big deal or it is my thoughts spinning out of control (I was upset when I spoke to him and am finding it really difficult that the neighbours are thinking DH is a creep the minute me and DC are away). DH has been struggling with depression over the last couple of years and is very introverted.

OP posts:
PramCush · 16/07/2018 18:56

I also find your attitude strange, OP, of "I'm going to speak to him about it again". You're not his mum, you're not "in charge".

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2018 19:02

I don't find it strange, if my husband was exposing himself for prolonged periods to the neighbours, damn straight I'd be talking about it to him, in fact the whole street would hear me talking to him.

longwayoff · 16/07/2018 19:18

Go bluntness completely right.

PramCush · 16/07/2018 19:19

@Bluntness100 Reverse the genders and see how abusive that sounds.

PramCush · 16/07/2018 19:19

Being naked is not "exposing yourself". Go and find some grips.

GetAwayFromHer · 16/07/2018 19:25

Pram

"Pearl Clutching

Get a grip"

Go and find some new ways to disagree with people Smile

TorviBrightspear · 16/07/2018 19:34

I am perfectly capable of never looking in other people's houses, I'm amazed how many of you can't help but look and the take a second glance to make quite sure it is a penis you are being offended by.

I generally don't look into other people's windows, but occasionally it's easy enough to walk past a large window, no curtains and a sudden movement catches my eye. I've looked before I've fully registered the movement.

PramCush · 16/07/2018 19:46

@GetAwayFromHer What's your point, exactly? You're not really making an argument.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2018 19:50

Being naked is not "exposing yourself

Eh, when you do it in front of others who haven't asked for it, I think you'll find it is.,,🤣

PramCush · 16/07/2018 19:55

@Bluntness100 Nope.

GladAllOver · 16/07/2018 20:05

Eh, when you do it in front of others who haven't asked for it, I think you'll find it is
Inside his own private house.
If you don't want to see inside a house, don't look into the windows.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2018 20:32

Yes your right, silly me, you can stand at your floor to ceiling windows totally starkers all day long, or as a pp said, rub your naked breasts all over the glass.

Other people should just not look. How dare they use their windows, They are clearly perverts if they do. Thy need to make sure their kids don't look out too. You're not the one with the problem at all. You get your junk out at the window.Not you that's the pervert at all. Nope. 🤣🤣🤣

Moussemoose · 16/07/2018 20:44

Rub your breasts all over the glass!!!

You have quite the imagination, I was thinking he might just be walking around from one room to another.

I can see how your attention might be drawn to a sudden movement but once you see a glimpse of nakedness then you would look away. I on the other hand would search out my binoculars to get a good look at that windmill action or the afore mentioned breast rubbing.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2018 20:49

See the thing is, I don't think the neighboht needed binoculars, all she said was it was deliberate /exhibitionist and the op took this to mean he "was making eye contact/ touching himself" so she didnt ask further.

Why would the op think the neighbour meant this? If someone said they had seen my husband naked, I'd be all "what really what was he doing, why do you think it was deliberate" I wouldn't think "oh she thinks he was making eye contact and touching himself, so I won't continue the conversation further or ask".

SharronNeedles · 16/07/2018 20:56

Hmm I'm a naked person. I sleep naked, get up and potter about in the morning naked etc. I throw a dressing gown on if it's a bit cold. I wouldn't care less if a neighbour saw me. Unless I was pressed against the window, nude, at best they would get a fleeting glance at my arse or side boob as I bobbed around. If I am stopping to sit down for a cuppa down stairs or something I'll throw a dressing gown on as there is more chance of someone having a peep in as they walk past.

I would never apologies if someone saw me naked in my own home.

GladAllOver · 16/07/2018 21:08

Yes your right, silly me, you can stand at your floor to ceiling windows totally starkers all day long, or as a pp said, rub your naked breasts all over the glass.

That's just ridiculous. The complaint was that he was 'walking around naked'. Just normal behaviour in one's own house.
Nothing about standing at the windows.

My DH walks around naked. I walk around naked. We probably walk past the windows from time to time. If a neighbour decides to watch for us walking past the window, they need to get a life and stop peeping.

4littlebirds · 16/07/2018 21:15

Well if the neighbours anything like you and your inability to distinguish between pottering about naked in hot weather, in your own home and EXPOSING YOUR GENITALS against the window FOR ALL TOO SEE. it’s not too hard to see how she could arrive at deliberate and exhibitionism interpretation is it.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2018 22:39

Nope, I can't see the difference between pottering at home naked, when your home has floor to ceiling windows and is overlooked by a row of terraced housing, where you know they can all clearly see you, and at the weekend when all your neighbours are home, and deliberately exposing yourself at said window.

Same thing to me. Sorry, both deliberate exposure.

And as said the critical point for me is if I thought a neighbour was telling me that my husband had made eye contact and was touching himself during said naked "pottering" in front of the window, , I'd be fucking horrified and would seek immediate clarification. Not think "oh dear, I will close the convo and not ask her for the detail".

I can't even imagine my husband being naked in front of the window for an extensive period, never mind thinking my neighbour was telling me he was making eye contact as he was and touching himself, without wanting to clarify that immediately with her, for the simple reason I'd never believe he would do such a thing, so it would be so shocking for me, I'd need to clarify it.

I'm not sure I know anyone who on returning home a neighbour basically tells you your husband was naked at his window, insinuating making eye contact and touching himself whose reaction would be "ok, i shall talk to him, thanks for letting me know".

NotTakenUsername · 16/07/2018 22:41

Hey bluntness, not sure if you’ve mentioned in any of your pp, but what type of windows were they...?

PramCush · 16/07/2018 22:48

@NotTakenUsername 😂

Fucksgiven · 16/07/2018 22:54

So basically he's been exposing himsel f. fdoes he find it thrilling? He's a bit if a perv

4littlebirds · 16/07/2018 22:59

I believe that bluntness has been out and done a full risk assessment of the floor to ceiling windows and knows the exact proximity of terrace housing.
I think I know who the perv is around here.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2018 23:02

Oh sigh, I think I've been on here long enough that most posters will know I don't care about good old fashioned pile ons or bullying.

Crack on, enjoy,

Charley50 · 16/07/2018 23:16

I'm feeling a bit embarrassed as I sometimes walk around naked and have floor to ceiling windows.. I always presumed that as it's lighter outside no-one could see in (I don't do it with the light on) Blush

4littlebirds · 16/07/2018 23:26

charley I think ultimately it comes down to intention and I would assume the same, I can’t see inside any of my neighbours windows during daylight either, for those exact reasons.
Some people just like to put a bad spin on everything to support their twisted world view.