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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Naked DH/neighbour complaint

230 replies

How2Support · 16/07/2018 13:50

So - DH spent overnight yesterday alone. (Me and DC away for night). It is very warm where we are and he has no inhibitions about being naked. He spent most of the day either naked or in shorts, had a couple of showers to cool himself off. Slept with windows and curtains open.

A neighbour from across the road has just approached me to say that DH was 'deliberately' walking around naked. I said I wan't surprised he was naked and was she sure it was 'deliberate' (I thought she meant making eye contact with her/touching himself for e.g. but didn't ask for details - I was thrown by the approach). She thought it was deliberate/exhibitionist (can't remember wording). I said I would speak to him.

I asked DH if anything happened. He was confused, insisted he didn't do anything inappropriate and he was just hot and was enjoying the freedom to wander around "free and easy" . He is really upset and embarrassed. I think he was daft to wander around naked at front with curtains open (we have full height floor to ceiling windows) but don't believe he did anything sinister.

AIBU to think he should apologise to neighbour?

Or should he just quietly suffer in his own embarrassment (and draw the fucking curtains next time).

For wider context I have quite bad anxiety (on medication and awaiting CBT for it) so have difficulty gauging when something is a big deal or it is my thoughts spinning out of control (I was upset when I spoke to him and am finding it really difficult that the neighbours are thinking DH is a creep the minute me and DC are away). DH has been struggling with depression over the last couple of years and is very introverted.

OP posts:
LanaorAna2 · 16/07/2018 14:14

Awful woman. Curtains next time to stop her Peeping Thomasina act.

ravenmum · 16/07/2018 14:14

About a zillion mumsnet threads from the neighbour's perspective suggest that he should apologise.

Attic14 · 16/07/2018 14:15

Theres no way in hell I'd be walking about starkers without the curtains drawn. :/ Why even put yourself in that position in the first place?

Arum51 · 16/07/2018 14:16

I'd go and see the neighbour. Make a joke of it "Sorry, I've had a word with him. He was letting it all hang out while the kids were away, being Mr Free'n'Easy. Being his usual, oblivious arse self, it didn't occur to him to remember that you can see into windows, as well as out of them! He's absolutely mortified now, so you'll probably never see him again, even in a full skiing outfit! Men, eh? Doesn't have the sense he was born with".

Then either get some blinds for the windows, or him a pair of shorts.

AmazingPostVoices · 16/07/2018 14:18

The neighbour is right.

There’s nothing wrong with being naked in your own home.

But not in a room that others can easily see into.

If asked for any official kind of explanation of this your husband is going to have a hard time explaining that he didn’t realise that anyone else in a terrace was going to be close enough to see through the floor length windows...

I also think it’s interesting that this happened while you were away from home.

Draw the curtains or wear minimal clothes.

Depressed and introverted is not an excuse. He’s a grown man.

LuluJakey1 · 16/07/2018 14:18

I suppose it depends on the house and gardens. If you have a lng garden at the front and trees and a wall, I would think she is unreasonable. If you house front is actually on a street and passers by can see right in, she isn't being unreasonable. It is so hot at the moment, as long as he is reasonably discreet I think he can do what he likes at home,

DH has form for wandering round naked. In our last house there was a cottage at the back and the old lady from it told me her sister often saw him in the morning wandering round our bedroom - but was keen to add they 'weren't complaining' 🙂

Last night it was so hot it was unbearable. I am not a naked wanderer but I could not bear the heat. About 10 I was cleaning up in the kitchen and I stripped off completely and had garden doors open and the fan on me while I did it (it was bliss) but the back is not overlooked at all.

LuluJakey1 · 16/07/2018 14:21

I think we need a drawing of your street and windows, any trees or walls and proximity to neighbours' houses.

DarlingNikita · 16/07/2018 14:21

I don't see why someone should close the curtains/blinds when it's lovely and sunny and they want a breeze.

It's his house and if people don't want to see others naked they can avert their eyes. Even if you catch a glimpse of someone naked through their windows, it's very easy to just look away.

halfwitpicker · 16/07/2018 14:26

I'd say the lad needs a pair of shorts on.

it's not that hot.

AmazingPostVoices · 16/07/2018 14:26

It's his house and if people don't want to see others naked they can avert their eyes. Even if you catch a glimpse of someone naked through their windows, it's very easy to just look away.

Oh come on it’s a terrace, there are houses directly opposite.

His behaviour potentially meant another family’s ability to use their own front room comfortably was impacted.

And that’s quite apart from kids playing in the street.

LuluJakey1 · 16/07/2018 14:28

We lived in a terrace where the opposite houses were 120 ft away - pedestrianised with long gardens at the front. It depends on the street- a diagram is needed.

Bombardier25966 · 16/07/2018 14:29

For those saying avert your eyes, what should people do when their windows directly face the neighbours? My kitchen windows are directly opposite the neighbours lounge, so if I'm at the sink, or the kids at the kitchen table, there's no choice but to look. Blindfolds?

DarlingNikita · 16/07/2018 14:30

His behaviour potentially meant another family’s ability to use their own front room comfortably was impacted.

For heaven's sake. I'll repeat, people can just look away.
I live in a terrace in a highly populated street where most of the houses are Victorian and have large windows, and I'd have to try quite hard to get a proper look at someone walking about their house naked.

Original poster
How2Support · 16/07/2018 14:30

Thanks again all - I'm very grateful for the mix of views.

I can see the point of those who think his obliviousness on curtains could be interpreted as borderline (or is) "deliberate". I am going to speak to him about that again.

I don't think it's particularly significant that he did this when he was on his own. In a way he wasn't doing anything out of character - he quite frequently wanders around naked but then when we're all home we are usually busy doing stuff or out and when I'm home I would draw the curtains!

I did't think to check if he sat on sofa without shorts Envy (not envy)

OP posts:
Storm4star · 16/07/2018 14:32

But OP already said they have floor to ceiling windows which were completely uncovered at the time. That's a bit different to standard/victorian windows. I don't see why people should "have" to avert their gaze. He doesnt "have to" wander around naked.

reeldoop · 16/07/2018 14:33

I thought the same about the sofa! I thibk at least a pair of pants is the way to go, going forward.

TheGoldenWolfFleece · 16/07/2018 14:33

Your husband sounds grim tbh, wandering around naked knowing he's in full view of the neighbours. Nobody needs to see that.

VulvaofSteel · 16/07/2018 14:34

do you think it's strange he doesn't walk around naked with curtains open when you're home?

I think he should apologise. It is weird. I would be concerned.

4littlebirds · 16/07/2018 14:34

He must have had an inkling he could be seen. Never the less , I don’t get why your neighbours gawping through your windows, if it was me I’d just have a giggle and look away. Would certainly not go round and complain about it.
Wouldn’t tell him to apologise that would be even weirder, but make sure to close curtains next time. Sure she’ll be round again if there’s a repeat performance.

Tara12 · 16/07/2018 14:35

Well, I wouldn't personally walk around with the curtains open stark naked, not because I despise nudity, but because other people may be offended. Not sure why he was embarrassed, does he see other neighbours walking around commando? Is there generally a social stigma on nudity? ( err yes)What do you both expect? A round of applause.?

OliviaStabler · 16/07/2018 14:36

Either it was deliberate or she was the one in the wrong for peeping.

Peeping? She presumably looked out of her window, something most of us do every day, and saw him naked. It is hot at the moment but I draw my curtains if I am changing or in my underwear.

I can understand why she mentioned it, it is not normal behaviour.

greendale17 · 16/07/2018 14:36

Your husband sounds grim tbh, wandering around naked knowing he's in full view of the neighbours. Nobody needs to see that.

^I where

SirVixofVixHall · 16/07/2018 14:37

I wouldn’t have any problem with a naked neighbour, unless he was wandering about with a stiffy, deliberately getting a kick out of people seeing him. Otherwise it is just a human body. If I glimpsed a neighbour naked by accident I would find it funny, as would dds. If I glimpsed ( as on another thread ) a neighbour deliberately masterbating in front of people then I’d call the police. One is just a bloke, starkers (amusing) the other is a flasher/pervert (very much not amusing).
I’m assuming your DH is in the second bracket, don’t see why he should apologise. Friends Dad liked to sunbathe starkers. Occasionally he would get caught out when people called round, he’d just pull his trunks on.

greendale17 · 16/07/2018 14:37

agree

Hogtini · 16/07/2018 14:37

Sorry but it wasn't that hot that he need to be completely starkers. Yes, it was in his own home but seriously when you have floor to ceiling windows then you need to apply some common sense! Not only for your neighbours but for anybody passing by - visitors, kids delivering leaflets, etc - no one wants to be faced with his bits. He's right to feel embarrassed.