Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Naked DH/neighbour complaint

230 replies

How2Support · 16/07/2018 13:50

So - DH spent overnight yesterday alone. (Me and DC away for night). It is very warm where we are and he has no inhibitions about being naked. He spent most of the day either naked or in shorts, had a couple of showers to cool himself off. Slept with windows and curtains open.

A neighbour from across the road has just approached me to say that DH was 'deliberately' walking around naked. I said I wan't surprised he was naked and was she sure it was 'deliberate' (I thought she meant making eye contact with her/touching himself for e.g. but didn't ask for details - I was thrown by the approach). She thought it was deliberate/exhibitionist (can't remember wording). I said I would speak to him.

I asked DH if anything happened. He was confused, insisted he didn't do anything inappropriate and he was just hot and was enjoying the freedom to wander around "free and easy" . He is really upset and embarrassed. I think he was daft to wander around naked at front with curtains open (we have full height floor to ceiling windows) but don't believe he did anything sinister.

AIBU to think he should apologise to neighbour?

Or should he just quietly suffer in his own embarrassment (and draw the fucking curtains next time).

For wider context I have quite bad anxiety (on medication and awaiting CBT for it) so have difficulty gauging when something is a big deal or it is my thoughts spinning out of control (I was upset when I spoke to him and am finding it really difficult that the neighbours are thinking DH is a creep the minute me and DC are away). DH has been struggling with depression over the last couple of years and is very introverted.

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 16/07/2018 16:58

Although there's nothing wrong with nudity in itself it's about respecting people's boundaries

freshstart24 · 16/07/2018 16:59

Mumsnet is awash with examples of unreasonable neighbours complaining about all sorts of things. It is possible that this neighbour as making a fuss about a situation that could easily arise to those of us who don't feel a need to hide our bodies by ensuring that no scrap of flesh is exposed through an uncovered window.

OP, I realise that you are finding it tough to be objective. However, a good clue might be to try to ascertain the type of person that your neighbour is.

Moussemoose · 16/07/2018 17:04

Neighbour 'thought' it was deliberate. DH denies it.

Do you trust your partner?

I walk round naked as does my DP. My instinct is there is nothing wrong because when I do there is nothing sexual going on. If you find nakedness disturbing perhaps it is your own issues that cloud your judgment. As I am influenced by my own beliefs.

However, if nothing sexual was going on - as the OP's partner says - then walking round naked is not illegal so he can do it if he wants and the neighbour should stop perving at him!

HeebieJeebies456 · 16/07/2018 17:04

Common sense is not his strong point

yet he can hold down a job and be a parent!
it's a pathetic excuse for not having any consideration for others especially when you've got the type of windows you have.
You'd have an issue if your child reported being able to see a naked man whenever they walked past a house etc.

I think anyone who doesn't use any kind of privacy on their windows is being an exhibitionist anyway, it's basically saying "look at me/inside my house".

maybe you should stop infantilising your husband by closing the curtains for him when he decides to wander about naked and get him to take some personal responsibility?
It's about time he learnt some common sense don't you think - esp now he has a child?

Stuckinthis · 16/07/2018 17:06

I don’t understand some of these alarmist posts. ‘Deliberately exposing your genitals’ would make me think he was standing at the window slowly dropping his pants. Not just striding around his house naked. Stop with the hyperbolic language - it says more about your own hang ups than it does about the situation.

I don’t think people quite realise that public nudity isn’t actually a crime unless It’s done to deliberately cause offence or upset people (hence why naked bike rides, etc are allowed). I highly doubt that is the case here. So OP’s DH would have been free to wander around naked in his own home, even do some sunbathing a spot of gardening if he so wishes.

And seriously - it is just a naked body. Every prudish poster on here has one under their twin set and pearl necklace.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2018 17:09

For the folks saying they walk about naked, do they do so all day, in front of floor to ceiling windows that their neighbours all over look?

Is that what you're doing? You and your partners?

This isn't a quick glimpse as he passed from room to room. This was an all day and all night job. With floor to ceiling windows that even neighbours not directly opposite can see into.

And yes my experience is when someone tells you it was deliberate and exhibitionisr listen. Because people don't usually complain the first time.

Firstnameterms · 16/07/2018 17:10

I don’t really understand his embarrassment. The man walked round naked in front of enormous windows then wonders why someone mentions they saw him? Let’s assume more than that one neighbour noticed him. Yes, he can do what he likes but it IS weird/exhibitionist behaviour to put yourself on show to the extent he did.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2018 17:12

I highly doubt that is the case here

Really.so you know better than the neighbour who said it was deliberate and exhibitionist. She's talking shite, you know this man and your opinion is his behaviour was acceptable

What because he's a man? Or because you like exposing your own genitals publicly? So see nothing wrong with it?

SubtitlesOn · 16/07/2018 17:12

I think it depends if .....

he was just wondering around his own home naked - perfectly fine IMHO

or he was doing stretches or exhibiting himself in front of window - not fine IMHO

LanguidLobster · 16/07/2018 17:13

Point is neighbour said she found it offensive and caused upset, so if he did it again without closing the curtains it would be deliberate

lenalove · 16/07/2018 17:15

I wouldn't lose sleep over this, sounds like an honest mistake, and to be fair it can be hard to judge from inside a house the angles at which others can see through the windows, especially on the upper floors. You've had a word with him, now best to just lay this to rest!

NotTakenUsername · 16/07/2018 17:20

If you find nakedness disturbing perhaps it is your own issues that cloud your judgment.

^This. All day long, this.

SilverySurfer · 16/07/2018 17:20

He sounds like an exhibitionist to me. I don't understand why he won't go naked in front of his own DC but is quite happy to do so when children may live opposite, are playing in the street, could be walking by.

Stuckinthis · 16/07/2018 17:22

Really.so you know better than the neighbour who said it was deliberate and exhibitionist. She's talking shite, you know this man and your opinion is his behaviour was acceptable

No - I’m taking the post at face value and seeing as the OP knows her DH and NOT the neighbour she would (as I would in this scenario) trust her DH’s version events. She doesn’t seem to think he is lying. But apparently you seem to know better, and he is quite clearly an exibitionist (or perhaps at worse a sexual predator?) Hmm

What because he's a man? Or because you like exposing your own genitals publicly? So see nothing wrong with it?

What has being a man got to do with it? I’d happily sunbathe naked in my garden if I felt a little more confident. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if a neighbour did either unless they were doing something sexual.

And honestly, what is your obsession with ‘exposing genitals’ instead of just saying ‘being naked’. You know full well that you it’s a loaded expression full of implication.

The fact is people are free to be naked in their homes and public - men and women so long as they aren’t breaking the law. There is nothing in this post that assumes he is. All we know is that he is naked - you’ve added more to it than that.

Ghanagirl · 16/07/2018 17:27

@Gettingbackonmyfeet
So you’re husband doesn’t subject his children to his naked body but doesn’t care if passing children see him naked

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2018 17:28

Stuck, all I can say is ridiculous attitude is very odd. You're arguing strongly that it's fine for this man to be naked in front of his full length windows. All day long. For you this is good. The fact the neighbours, or their kids can see his cock and balls is for you all good. You'd get your junk out for the neighbours to see too if you were more confident.

Well I'm glad I don't live next to you and although I've no issue with nudity, you're damn right I don't want to see my neighbours cock all day long at his window. You do. Good for you. I suggest porn would be easier. Readers husbands or whatever floats your boat.

DasPepe · 16/07/2018 17:29

@KokoAndBall yes but the creep here was the guy knocking on your door!

If the OP’s husband was just walking around etc then the weird person was as the neighbor:she must have deliberately “checked” thought out the day and looking through the windows. She probably work d herself up about it.

I’d just stop looking if I saw my neighbour naked. It’s his home and if the OP is honest about th account. I’m assuming that he had a shower, didn’t get dressed and then got comfortable being without clothes.

Jenasaurus · 16/07/2018 17:35

Someone lost their job once because they sneaked out of a work shower naked to get their towel they had left in the next room. not sure if its relevant but it was felt inappropriate behavior that may cause offence to others.

If my neighbor was walking around naked I wouldn't want to see his bits but hes no oil painting with clothes on either :)

DasPepe · 16/07/2018 17:36

And to add - there is nothing in the original post to say that OP’s husband only did it because she was away. I think that was context for saying she isn’t able to make judgement on this herself because she wasn’t present.

Stuckinthis · 16/07/2018 17:37

@Bluntness100

Yes, that’s exactly right. “I wouldn’t bat an eyelid” does indeed translate to “I love staring at cock and balls all day” Hmm

I am arguing that as far as we know from this post, he hasn’t done anything wrong because he is not breaking the law. You might not want to see other people’s naked bodies (is it just genitials that offend as you seem quite fixated with them, or are you offended by breasts too?)

And for the future - If you are going to argue with someone, don’t start creating ad hominem arguments and stick to the point. It lowers the tone even more than OP’s DH’s cock. Wink

4littlebirds · 16/07/2018 17:40

Bluntness - yes my experience is when someone tells you it was deliberate and exhibitionisr listen

Have you experience of this, has someone complained about you , or your partner ?

Is that why you seem to be so invested in the thread.

Thefourmuskateers · 16/07/2018 17:42

Meh, I do this and if my neighbours complained I'd just laugh and ask them why they were looking in my windows.

NameChangedAgain18 · 16/07/2018 17:42

The OP of this this isn't your neighbour, is she?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3306600-More-of-a-WWYD-Naked-wanking-neighbour

rwalker · 16/07/2018 17:46

our neighbour does it all the time in there bedroom window at front.There house is directly opp ours and think he must have undies in bed side cabinet as he walks past window then we are treated to fat arse while he bends down to put them on . he's 50's about 18 stones his wife will after do topless run past window . kids find it hilarious tbf they are teenagers .Often we are sat having tea dinning room table in bay window to see a a bare arse in window across the road but who cares noting sexual (though they have been known to be shagging in semi private garden at rear but we are on other side of rd so nothing to do with me). just don't look wouldn't dream of mentioning it to them

Wtfdoipick · 16/07/2018 17:56

In the absence of any sexual context and in relation to nudity where the person has no intention to cause alarm or distress it will normally be appropriate to take no action unless members of the public were actually caused harassment, alarm or distress

I'm posting this again because it's being taken out of context it doesn't only matter what his intention was but how it was perceived so if it distressed the neighbour then the cps could prosecute. My friend still believes her husband was completely innocent unfortunately the court didn't agree and he is now on the sex offenders register, he doesn't have to intend to cause distress for it to be felt and that is enough