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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want the double bed no the twin?

160 replies

DramaLamasunited18 · 16/07/2018 13:20

Long story short.
On an extended family holiday. Sharing with an in law and their child, DH and our two children.
The house has one double bedroom and two twins. All kids are between 8and 12.
Unlawful got there first and wanted the double bedroom for them and their child to share the bed and put me a DH in twins with our kids in the other twin.
Dh and I had to be a bit blunt in requesting that we share the double bed.
In law was a obviously put out.
WIBU?

OP posts:
MyRelationshipIsWeird · 16/07/2018 20:52

I'd expect the en suite as a single person on holiday with a family. That's common sense surely?

Why?! There’s an adult with a child or two adults with two children - why would one of those families need an en suite more than a separate bathroom?

susurration · 16/07/2018 21:07

@fearfultrill I'd be fecking thrilled. Why would I want to go from a king size bed (which is 5ft wide) at my house to a cramped double bed in a holiday cottage? I'd really rather push two singles together, or even sleep in separate beds

And a standard double is not 5ft, a standard double is 4ft 6". A king bed is 5ft wide.

sonjadog · 16/07/2018 21:11

To me it seems obvious that the couple would get the double bed. In fact, I have never been in a situation where that hasn’t happened and been considered the norm. So I guess me and everyone I know are the odd ones out... or maybe this Is just a weird MN thing where no-one would possibly expect a couple to want to sleep in the same bed.

WhiteFreesias · 16/07/2018 21:11

I agree, ywbu.

I don't think first come, first served or couples have the double is fair

Your sil was not expecting you to swap (I'd think you were being a bit of a a tit tbh). A couple in twin beds is fine.

SarahH12 · 16/07/2018 21:16

Haven't RTFT but YADNBU OP. Of course the two adults should get the double bed. It wouldn't have occured to me either that the other adult and child would have wanted the double room rather than the twin room.

LoveInTokyo · 16/07/2018 21:24

maybe this Is just a weird MN thing where no-one would possibly expect a couple to want to sleep in the same bed

Mumsnet seems to be full of women who can't stand their husbands and can't stand their in-laws, as a general observation.

People who enjoy spending time with and sleeping in the same bed as their husbands instead of in the same bed as their children and people who don't seem to be spoiling for a fight with their MILs at every opportunity seem to be very much in the minority.

ADishBestEatenCold · 16/07/2018 21:27

Will your DC share your en suite bathroom, DramaLama, or will your in-law be expected to share the other bathroom with your DC as well as her own?

As you had first choice of the bedrooms, I think it should be the former. At least leave your in-law and child private use of the other bathroom, and have your DC share your bathroom.

Mum2jenny · 16/07/2018 22:05

Read the thread adish, the op shared the ensuite with her 2 dc.

ADishBestEatenCold · 16/07/2018 22:16

"Read the thread adish, the op shared the ensuite with her 2 dc."

Missed that bit, Mum ... you'll have to take a mark off my final score!

diddl · 17/07/2018 08:37

"Mumsnet seems to be full of women who can't stand their husbands and can't stand their in-laws, as a general observation."

I hardly think that being Ok with sleeping in a different bed (but the same room) for a few nights equates to not being able to stand your husband!

Although some people I know would ridiculously think that it reflected badly on the marriageHmm

thinkfast · 17/07/2018 08:51

OP for what it's worth I don't think you were unreasonable about the bedroom.

However you were unreasonable to think the daily fail might give a crap about which bedroom you slept in on a family break Wink

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 17/07/2018 08:54

Doubles come in different sizes. A standard double is 5 ft.

No, it isn’t, at least not in the UK. It’s 4ft 6. A King is 5ft and a Superking is 6ft.

I have done way too much research on this after a landlord rented me a room with a ‘standard double bed’ on the lease which turned out to be a 4ft ‘small double’. You would not believe the difference that missing 6 inches makes!

PlatypusPie · 17/07/2018 08:54

I can see a good reason for the single + to have the ensuite - would mean that both families would have private bathroom access without the couple’s children either having to traipse through their parents room to access a bathroom OR share the family bathroom with the single +.

I don’t see that being a couple automatically gives them priority for the double room - they prefer a double bed, it’s not a need and it’s only an extended weekend. A bit rude to demand the other party move cos, cuddles ( which are going to be interrupted by their bathroom seeking children, anyway )

woodhill · 17/07/2018 08:57

I think you should have double bed with dh and yanbu. They are being mean tbh. Child can go in single bed

WilyMinx · 17/07/2018 09:19

I don't think any of you were being unreasonable. You wanted to sleep in the double bed, she wanted to sleep in the double bed. You discussed, you got the double bed.

TatianaLarina · 17/07/2018 10:03

I rent out property internationally - granted that U.K. and US bed sizes are different - I have to advertise a 4’6 as a small double and standard as 5ft, which is a US queen size, otherwise there is endless kerfuffle.

Panda81 · 17/07/2018 10:20

I didn't realise double beds were a couple's privilege Hmm

No one has actually answered the question why a couple should be entitled to a double bed over a parent and child who want a double bed?

WanderingWavelet · 17/07/2018 11:05

No one has actually answered the question why a couple should be entitled to a double bed over a parent and child who want a double bed

Well, quite.

Apparently, couples will just melt into thin air if they can't be together at all times. I think the OP was pretty rude to demand a change simply because she & her DH are there as a couple.

Panda81 · 17/07/2018 11:14

And i know the in law isn't single but as a hypothetical scenario...

I am a solo parent and have the luxury of a 4ft 6 bed to myself every night. A couple sharing a King bed would get roughly 2ft 5 space each. So in theory a single 3ft bed each would be more comfortable for them, but less comfortable for me to squish into a 3ft bed.

Therefore I think I am entitled to a double bed on my own if I go away with couples if we are to each maintain at least our minimum levels of comfortGrin

mrsm43s · 17/07/2018 11:26

*I didn't realise double beds were a couple's privilege hmm

No one has actually answered the question why a couple should be entitled to a double bed over a parent and child who want a double bed?*

That was exactly my point. I accept that it's quite normal for the couple to prefer the double bed, and I get that not all parent/child combos would prefer the double bed - but in this particular case they obviously did. So why does the couples preference override the preference of the parent/child duo, who had got there first and had already put their stuff in their room. Presuming they had paid equally per person, they had absolutely as much right to the double as the couple, and possibly more so as they got there first, and it makes sense for just 2 to share the 2 person ensuite bathroom, no traipsing through other people's rooms.

It sounds to me like the couple thought the whole apartment was their families, and the additional parent/child were to just fit in to whatever spaces their family didn't want. I wonder if that was the cause of the other tension that OP alluded to too - that the parent / child duo had the nerve to expect to have an equal say on other things too and wouldn't always fall in with the families preferences.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 17/07/2018 11:29

Have a look in the bedrooms of 90% of the population Panda. Most couples share a bed. It makes intimacy and sex easier and more likely, which helps those relationships survive. Sure, for a weekend it won’t make a difference but the default would usually be that a couple share a bed.

Yes, in the early years many parents let their DCs into the marital bed, but very few couples would actually have eg dad’s room with a single bed and mum/kids room with a double, would they?

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 17/07/2018 11:31

A couple sharing a King bed would get roughly 2ft 5 space each. So in theory a single 3ft bed each would be more comfortable for them, but less comfortable for me to squish into a 3ft bed.

That is a good point though Panda! And why I’d actually be happy with twin beds myself, but I can see why others wouldn’t.

LoveInTokyo · 17/07/2018 12:41

No one has actually answered the question why a couple should be entitled to a double bed over a parent and child who want a double bed

Two adults who share a bed vs one adult and one child who do not share a bed. Two bedrooms, one with a double bed and one with twin beds.

Obviously, obviously it makes much more sense to put the two adults who usually share a double bed in the double bed and the adult and child who do not usually share a double bed in the twin beds.

Why should a child get priority over two adults, anyway? Even if the child in this case wants to share a double bed with their mother rather than having their own bed, which I bet they don’t.

The mother is being an arse.

woodhill · 17/07/2018 12:59

Yes it is perfectly normal for a couple to want to share a bed especially on holiday. Why should a child get priority, absolute nonsense

mrsm43s · 17/07/2018 13:42

Yes it is perfectly normal for a couple to want to share a bed especially on holiday.

Yes, but there was also another two people who wanted the room with the only double bed in it (which also happens to be the best room with the ensuite.) And they got there first. It doesn't matter what their reasons were, but they wanted it and were just as entitled to it as anyone else. They just happened to be a parent/child combo and not a husband/wife combo. This doesn't make them less important than the couple.

So why do the couples wants trump the other two people's wants?

Why do they get their own way, and the best room simply because they are a couple? They could be perfectly well accommodated in the double - this is not a need, it is a want.

The couple were really selfish and rude. They had no right to the room that two other people wanted and had already claimed.

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