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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not split dds winnings.

325 replies

Damnivy · 16/07/2018 12:22

So my dd just won £105.
We as a family did a world cup sweep stake. There are alot of us, and we put £5 per adult/child in each. We were mostly all present when teams were drawn from a hat. So all was fair. Obviously who ever drew the winning team got the money. Was just a bit of fun.
So my dd won, she had frace. Everything good, everyone happy.
Exept my dad just sent a text to our family group saying he had drawn the money out and it was at his ready to be collected. SIL replys in group chat asking how much the kids have each??? Mum and dad both replied with laughing emoji things thinking she was making a cheeky joke. But no, she then text to ask is it just the smaller children it will be split between or older ones too? To this my dad replys no it's not being split, it's my dds money, she won it fairly. Then SIL is not happy saying how it's not fair, all the children will be so disappointed, and that it would just be greedy to keep it to herself.
No iv not replied as iv just seen all the text, and quickly spoke to my dad, he says it's up to my dd but he and mum don't think it should be split at all.
Now I have 4dcs and the dd that won is my youngest, she's only 3. She has no care for money, and wouldn't understand if it was split, but still, I had no intention of splitting it between my own dcs so why should I split it between them all?
I never really thought about it, just see it as that's dds winnings.
So wwyd? Am I being unreasonable to just let dd keep it and risk a family row in an otherwise happy family, over £105.
I doubt very much that they would have split it if it had of been there child or them that had won! There has never been any mention of this at all until now!

OP posts:
Amalfimamma · 17/07/2018 02:26

Tell your sil to
Fottosofatfosm

Cheeky fucker

WorldCupnovice · 17/07/2018 07:16

I had Croatia in my work's sweepstake. My hubbie said at least I would get some money for them coming second. I replied that that would me nice, but we always knew that it was 'winner takes all' Should I now demand that the rules should be changed so that the first , second and third all share the pot? No , because I know what a sweepstake is, as should your Dsil.

WorldCupnovice · 17/07/2018 07:17

^^ Be nice!

SpiritedLondon · 17/07/2018 07:23

Bloody hell - some people are so bloody irritating. Children do not need to win everything all the time and I don’t think it’s a kindness to let them. It was a game of luck and your DD was the lucky one. I would keep the money for her.... something will come along that she would like to do... maybe a class or an experience and you can use the money for that!!

Quartz2208 · 17/07/2018 07:24

To be fair you can have sweepstakes with multiple winners on a graded scale - top 2, wooden spoon for worst team, team that contains the golden boot etc - at work we often do this so more people win (half always goes to the winner)

I wonder if for future ones you do that so more kids can win and get excited and involved

TorchesTorches · 17/07/2018 07:40

I completely agree about your DD having all the money. This sounds like a 'financial culture clash. Your fault are used to operating in one way, SIL family probably operates in a different way.

I experienced this with my best friend, whose family are also a' share one kids winnings with all'for family (small premium bond winnings in this case). We both have very different attitudes to money. Her view is that the wealthiest person should always pick up the tab (usually not her!). Money has been an issue between us a bit, but less so now that we don't see each other so much. Its such a clash of deeply held mindsets.

TorchesTorches · 17/07/2018 07:41

argh! family, not fault above!

StillNoClue · 17/07/2018 08:16

If she thought it was being split what's point in doing it? You may as well just keep your money and not bother!

Your dd won it fair and square. If your feeling particularly generous get your dd to pick out a cheap toy or some sweets out for them and then buy her a new toy or put the rest in the bank.

I doubt your relative would be splitting it if her kids won!

DamsonPie · 17/07/2018 08:32

Your SIL’s greed is unbelievable. She wants her kids to share money that isn’t theirs and your older kids to be excluded so her get a bigger share. Tell her to get stuffed. Your DD may not understand money but she does understand getting a bike vs not getting one. Bank the money and buy her something with it.

thecatsthecats · 17/07/2018 09:28

Quartz - we've done that before too. Also occasionally done two 'pots' - highest ranked teams and lowest, so each person gets one of each (small office!).

My friend's office play something they call Sweepstake Hazard - after each round is over, the people remaining in the draw have to redraw from the remaining teams! Keeps things interesting.

Original poster
Damnivy · 17/07/2018 11:39

For anyone that would like one, here's an update.
So later yesterday as family members finished work, they started adding to the group chat. All of them completly ignoring SILs texts. Saying hope dd3 finds something that she likes, and little jokes like 'ask dd3 when she is taking me for ice cream' but all basically making the point that it's dd3s money.
DB replied in the group chat asking if she has any plans for the money, and that he had just seen that there is a new design of a certain toy she likes.
So all really just making the point that it's dd3s money.
DB also text to say sorry and that he would be talking to SIL.
And other DB rang to say not to split it with any of them, and that his dcs (the other 2 remaining children) would not accept a penny if it was split ad that wouldn't be fair. I assured him that it wouldn't be.

So iv sent a quick text to the group to say that she is very happy to have won it. And that she will be saving half of it, using some for a toy and some towards the trampoline fund. And inviting all kids over at the weekend for a bounce.

Dd was jumping around the living room this morning so exited that we have ordered the trampoline, and can't wait for it to be delivered.

Thanks to everyone that replied!

OP posts:
billybagpuss · 17/07/2018 11:47

That is probably one of the best updates I've seen.

Do happy for DD, when will the trampoline arrive :)

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 17/07/2018 11:48

The entire family are involved? Hmm For a little over a hundred quid?

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 17/07/2018 11:50

Great update.
Tell DD3 to save her bouncing for the weekend though Wink

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 17/07/2018 11:53

Fab update OP.

rosesandflowers1 · 17/07/2018 12:02

Lovely! I hope she enjoys her trampoline Flowers

GreenProvence · 17/07/2018 12:23

Who has a bank account for their 3 year old?

GabriellaMontez · 17/07/2018 12:25

Loads of people have bank accounts for their children to deposit birthday money etc.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 17/07/2018 12:30

Who has a bank account for their 3 year old?
Both my DC had bank accounts from months old. Family often put money into them rather than buy them more toys at Christmas or for Birthdays they have enough toys

HellenaHandbasket · 17/07/2018 12:35

Mine have had them since a few months old

Rocinante1 · 17/07/2018 12:37

@GreenProvence

My kids are 5 and 6. They've had bank accounts since the week after they were born and for the last 3 years, I put £500 a month into each of their accounts.

They won't be told about these account until they finish school, and then they will each get quite a large sum to finance a house deposit/travelling... whatever they want. What's so odd about saving for your child's future?

Ginger1982 · 17/07/2018 12:38

GreenProvance my DS is 15 months and has his own bank account. It's so we can put money aside for him every month.

Oldraver · 17/07/2018 12:42

Who has a bank account for their 3 year old?

Do children still not get the Government £250 into a bank account when they are born ?

GoatYoga · 17/07/2018 12:42

One of the first things we did for our children was to open a bank account and start saving.

NewGrandad · 17/07/2018 12:43

I'm a bit puzzled by £105. 32 teams at £5 each would be £160. Was there a secondary prize given?

If so total CF.

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