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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not split dds winnings.

325 replies

Damnivy · 16/07/2018 12:22

So my dd just won £105.
We as a family did a world cup sweep stake. There are alot of us, and we put £5 per adult/child in each. We were mostly all present when teams were drawn from a hat. So all was fair. Obviously who ever drew the winning team got the money. Was just a bit of fun.
So my dd won, she had frace. Everything good, everyone happy.
Exept my dad just sent a text to our family group saying he had drawn the money out and it was at his ready to be collected. SIL replys in group chat asking how much the kids have each??? Mum and dad both replied with laughing emoji things thinking she was making a cheeky joke. But no, she then text to ask is it just the smaller children it will be split between or older ones too? To this my dad replys no it's not being split, it's my dds money, she won it fairly. Then SIL is not happy saying how it's not fair, all the children will be so disappointed, and that it would just be greedy to keep it to herself.
No iv not replied as iv just seen all the text, and quickly spoke to my dad, he says it's up to my dd but he and mum don't think it should be split at all.
Now I have 4dcs and the dd that won is my youngest, she's only 3. She has no care for money, and wouldn't understand if it was split, but still, I had no intention of splitting it between my own dcs so why should I split it between them all?
I never really thought about it, just see it as that's dds winnings.
So wwyd? Am I being unreasonable to just let dd keep it and risk a family row in an otherwise happy family, over £105.
I doubt very much that they would have split it if it had of been there child or them that had won! There has never been any mention of this at all until now!

OP posts:
BunsOfAnarchy · 16/07/2018 13:26

I was gonna say put in her bank and be done with.

Im now thinking it towards @ThisCannotBe and Mr T-ing it up Grin

Knittedfairies · 16/07/2018 13:26

She doesn’t seem to understand how a sweepstake works! Definitely don’t split your dd’s winnings.

DiegoMadonna · 16/07/2018 13:27

Why not just split it between everyone who took part? £5 each! Sounds fair! Best sweepstake ever.

notacooldad · 16/07/2018 13:27

It's a sweepstakes, winner takes all.
£100 in DD’s bank , £5 on sweets to be shared amongst the children
I wouldn't even do that. It's not your money to spend on other people although it would be a nice gesture it must come from DD. You don't decide how she spend her win.

twiglet · 16/07/2018 13:28

If an adult had won it wouldn't be split, if her children won I doubt she would have split with yours!
I doubt the children will be disappointed more her as she will be in charge of her childrens money. I would just say that she won fairly there is only one winner of the world Cup therefore only one winner of the sweepstake!

WaxOnFeckOff · 16/07/2018 13:28

If I as an adult had won it, I wouldn't share it with everyone else, I would however tip up a crate of beer/some bottles of wine for the next family gathering and I think the suggestion of some sweets being bought for the other kids is a good equivalent suggestion. Otherwise they can pee off, that's what gambling is and losing is a more important lesson that winning.

GreenEyedBlonde · 16/07/2018 13:28

Cheeky bitch. Tell her to fuck off!

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 16/07/2018 13:30

No don't split it ....she is being a C.F.

And honestly if she is prepared to cause bad feeling by being grabby and entitled that's on her....family shouldn't behave like this

My Dsis once tried to suggest all brownie badges should be shared to prevent disappointment ....even her daughter looked at her like she was nuts

PeachQueen · 16/07/2018 13:30

Is she deliberately trying to make you look like a tit?!

This is something my SIL would do to try make me look the bad person - however in our family MIL & FIL pander to her every moan so we would have to split it.....

Do NOT split it - she is a CF!

sociopathsunited · 16/07/2018 13:31

Nope, don't split it. Your DD won it fair and square, and that'll be a really nice wee amount to put aside for her for future school trips. Tell your SIL to get lost.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/07/2018 13:32

Ohhhh yes - this can be a good object lesson to her children that gambling doesn't pay, except to the one lucky winner! And that if they choose to gamble then they must learn to accept losses. As must she.
There is NO fairness in gambling - you either win and get the money or you lose and lose the money. Doesn't matter who you are - you lose, you lose. End of.

notacooldad · 16/07/2018 13:32

If yours, I don't see why you cant split it on a treat/nice day out for your own DCs. SIL however can get stuffed.
In that case why bother putting DDs name on it and letting her think there's a chance of her winning. May as well just have put the family name on.

BakedBeans47 · 16/07/2018 13:33

Your SIL is a CF. I bet she wouldn’t be demanding it was split if her child won

FoofFighter · 16/07/2018 13:34

I'd be sending a very patronising reply explaining to sil how a sweepstake works Hmm

Well done op did!

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 16/07/2018 13:35

Your DD won it, the only splitting that should be going on would be between your DC. Personally I'd put it in an account for her after buying her a little something with it first.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 16/07/2018 13:37

*should be going on, if you wished
I meant Blush

mmgirish · 16/07/2018 13:38

What??? That's ridiculous. Stand up for your daughter and just say no.

SmileSweetly · 16/07/2018 13:40

Get the money from your dad and deposit it in DD's bank account.

Ignore CF SIL, and make no reference to it again. She's totally bonkers to think splitting it was ever an option.

Have a chat to DD about it, in case her cousins start calling her greedy or something the next time they see her. Perhaps ask her if she'd like to make a small donation to charity, if asked what she's done with the money she can say 'I donated some to the RSPCA, I bought myself a small toy and the rest has been put in my savings account'

Butkin1 · 16/07/2018 13:41

Putting it bluntly your SIL is trying to rob your little one because she's too young to understand money.

Imagine if a teenage child had drawn France (as my DD did in our sweepstake). They would be cheering for that country through the competition and nobody would even consider asking her to share her winnings. What is the point of doing this if there are no winners/losers.

She is trying it on so don't feel bad at all by saving if for your DD or buying her something with the money.

Original poster
Damnivy · 16/07/2018 13:41

Wow, thanks for all the replies.
Some have made me giggle. And I'm glad that we dont sound greedy to anyone else.
It is just don't want to cause any family rift.

So there are 8 children. 4 are mine. 2 are SILs. 6 are all close in age, so the older children she asked about are actually mine. Now iv had time to think I realise, she wants the money split between the children, but only the younger ones by the sound of it, witch means only my older children would lose out, out of them all. In all we are talking at about £13ish each child if it were split.
Our plan was.. to put £50 into dds savings, give her £20 To buy a toy of her choice with. And my dcs have been jointly saving pocket money for a bigger trampoline, for quite a while, dd3 has put the least amount of money in (She doesn't really get pocket money yet, so we have just been popping a pound a week in the pot as her contribution) so we were thinking she could put the last £30 in to the pot so they can get the trampoline for the summer holidays. although we actually felt even that was a little unfair in all honesty.

Using the £5 to buy the other children some sweets from her is a nice idea!

We have SILs children most Saturday afternoons while DB and sil work, so they will actually get use of the trampoline too.

OP posts:
squidz · 16/07/2018 13:42

She won it, she keeps it. She's only 3 so either put it in her savings or go out and have a nice day out somewhere.

Trinity66 · 16/07/2018 13:45

Great Plan Damnivy, do that, I wouldn't even respond to SILs text tbh, your parents have given her the answer already

strawberrisc · 16/07/2018 13:45

I think even £5 for the other children is too generous. I wouldn't give her the steam of my...

Plus I bet that won't be enough for her.

runningkeenster · 16/07/2018 13:45

She's only 3 so either put it in her savings or go out and have a nice day out somewhere

No SHE won it so put it in savings. Why does she have to share? She might need that money when she'd older. The £5 for sweets is ok but I don't see why she should have to give any of the rest up.

Keeptrudging · 16/07/2018 13:47

Trampoline sounds like a great idea, they'll all enjoy it.