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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not split dds winnings.

325 replies

Damnivy · 16/07/2018 12:22

So my dd just won £105.
We as a family did a world cup sweep stake. There are alot of us, and we put £5 per adult/child in each. We were mostly all present when teams were drawn from a hat. So all was fair. Obviously who ever drew the winning team got the money. Was just a bit of fun.
So my dd won, she had frace. Everything good, everyone happy.
Exept my dad just sent a text to our family group saying he had drawn the money out and it was at his ready to be collected. SIL replys in group chat asking how much the kids have each??? Mum and dad both replied with laughing emoji things thinking she was making a cheeky joke. But no, she then text to ask is it just the smaller children it will be split between or older ones too? To this my dad replys no it's not being split, it's my dds money, she won it fairly. Then SIL is not happy saying how it's not fair, all the children will be so disappointed, and that it would just be greedy to keep it to herself.
No iv not replied as iv just seen all the text, and quickly spoke to my dad, he says it's up to my dd but he and mum don't think it should be split at all.
Now I have 4dcs and the dd that won is my youngest, she's only 3. She has no care for money, and wouldn't understand if it was split, but still, I had no intention of splitting it between my own dcs so why should I split it between them all?
I never really thought about it, just see it as that's dds winnings.
So wwyd? Am I being unreasonable to just let dd keep it and risk a family row in an otherwise happy family, over £105.
I doubt very much that they would have split it if it had of been there child or them that had won! There has never been any mention of this at all until now!

OP posts:
MaddieElla · 16/07/2018 13:05

The only thing I'd be sharing is a link to the definition of a sweepstake. Hmm

PasswordRejection · 16/07/2018 13:06

As your DD is 3, I would take her to a toy shop and let her pick a toy, give her the money to go to the counter and pay for it, then put the rest of the money in her savings account. I wouldn't split it with any one else, not even siblings. I think it's good for children to learn that not everyone can win all the time.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/07/2018 13:07

If she didn’t want there to be one winner, she should have given her kids a fiver each and refuse to participate. If she contacts you, i would use this line.

Is she normally like this? It would make me concerned there would be falling out and reprisals.

chrysalis7 · 16/07/2018 13:07

Your SIL is a CF.

Don't share the money!

Oblomov18 · 16/07/2018 13:07

Of course she shouldn't split it. Your sil is a berk!!

bimbobaggins · 16/07/2018 13:09

Your sil is bu and a massive cf .
The sweepstakes was winner takes all. Can’t believe she’s got the audacity to ask. Out of interest did one of her dc have Croatia? Funniest how there was no mention of it until France won

RaininSummer · 16/07/2018 13:10

Dont split it. SIL's children (and SIL herself) need to learn that there are winners and losers. Buy £100 of Premium Bonds for your lucky little one - you never know she may win more :) If feeling kind, buy some sweets or something with the change for the other kids as a gift from your child who was lucky enough to win.

Dungeondragon15 · 16/07/2018 13:10

She is being ridiculous. If she is so bothered about her children being disappointed she shouldn't have entered the sweepstake in the first place. She should have just given them the money. In fact, she could just give them money now if she doesn't want to disappoint them.

ThisCannotBe · 16/07/2018 13:10

I am 100% with @MadMags on the making a point issue.

I'd be draping my kid in Mr-T-esque blinging jewellery, posing him with wads of cash and sending a snap to the group chat.

BackforGood · 16/07/2018 13:11

The only thing I'd be sharing is a link to the definition of a sweepstake.

This ^

Although, personally I think the idea of involving small children in betting is Hmm, if she went along with that at the start, then that is a good lesson for her to teach her 'disappointed dc'. If they don't like losing £5 of their money, then they shouldn't gamble. If they can "cope" with the disappointment of not winning - which obviously is the statistical likelihood - then that's how sweepstakes (or any gambling) works.

user7469322 · 16/07/2018 13:12

So if you split it between your own kids only that would be £26.25, how many kids does your sil have and are there anymore kids who it might get split between if she had her way? Eg, if it were split evenly between all of my pil’s grandkids, each one would get £8.75! (I guess I’m just interested to see what kinda figure your sil is kicking off about!) But, regardless of that, your child won in, no mention of splitting, sil didn’t pipe up then about splitting it so just keep it for your daughter/own kids as thats fair!!

KindergartenKop · 16/07/2018 13:13

Did she have Brazil or Germany?

NicMG · 16/07/2018 13:15

I'm with everyone else on here - definitely don't split it. She's being really rude & I'm glad your parents see it from your side too.

RocknRolla · 16/07/2018 13:15

Your SIL is a CF. My dd won our family sweepstake she is 5 so I have decided it’s going in her bank account, will give her £20 to go to the shops and buy a toy but that’s it. Not one person has suggested that it gets split in my family there has been jokey comments but that’s it. I would be telling your SIL that your daughter won it and that’s the end of it.

Seafoodeatit · 16/07/2018 13:16

YANBU, it's a sweepstake, what you do with the money is completely up to you. I wouldn't get drawn into her nonsense. A simple the winner of the sweepstake gets all the money like agreed, if she doesn't like it she can choose to not participate next time.

Hygge · 16/07/2018 13:17

Don't split it.

Your daughter won, it's her prize.

What you let her do with that is up to you regards to spending or saving some or all of it, but I wouldn't be asking her or telling her to share it with anybody, not even her siblings.

Not that I'd entertain your SIL's demand for a second but what does she mean by is it just the younger ones or the older ones as well?

Does she only have "younger ones", because I get the feeling if she has "older ones" she wouldn't be asking if they were included, she'd be demanding it? How many children are there in total?

Would she have still expected the prize to go to all the children if an adult had won it? If she had won it?

Kokeshi123 · 16/07/2018 13:18

I would just say vaguely, "I'm sorry but the money has already been put into her account," in a way that implies that splitting it is somehow not an option any more.

Yes, she is a CF. I would try to avoid a family row if possible though.

MadMags · 16/07/2018 13:18

I'd be draping my kid in Mr-T-esque blinging jewellery, posing him with wads of cash and sending a snap to the group chat.

Grin Do this!

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 16/07/2018 13:21

ThisCannotBe 😂

Horrordoeurvres · 16/07/2018 13:21

Cheeky witch she is, keep the money for your DD, children need to learn that they can't win everything. If you don't want to spend it on your DD just now save it for a rainy day for her Smile

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/07/2018 13:23

Cheeky cow! Bet she wouldn't be suggesting to split it if one of HER sprogs had won it, eh?!

No don't you split it. It's a sweepstake, ffs, your DD got the winning team, it's her money whether she's 3 or 13. Just put it in her bank account or buy her a lovely toy or something!

God that makes me angry.

My sister and I once had a conversation about whether or not we'd share Lottery wins. We both said that we would, above a certain level (6 figures really). When she won £5,000, she phoned me to check that we'd definitely said it should be a lot more before we split it - she felt slightly guilty - and I said absolutely no way should she split it at that level, she won it, it was hers. (Yes if it had been £5,000,000 we'd have had a different discussion but it wasn't).

cholka · 16/07/2018 13:25

I don't wanna talk
About things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser's standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw the dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain?

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say?
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all

So the winner takes it all
And the loser has to fall
Throw a dice, cold as ice
Way down here, someone dear
Takes it all, has to fall
It seems plain to me

Hygge · 16/07/2018 13:25

I just wouldn't reply at all.

Get the money from your Dad and put it in the bank or the money box or the toy shop, and don't any of you make a single further reference to it.

Don't show off what your DD bought or anything like that.

Nobody say a single word about it again.

She's had her answer already. Your Dad told her it won't be split. Nobody needs to get into why, because you all knew before you took part anyway. Winner takes it all.

She's only going to make herself look like an even bigger loser if she keeps pushing now, but if she does post again on the group chat, keep ignoring her.

BarbarianMum · 16/07/2018 13:26

What's the point of a sweepstake if you then split the winnings multiple ways???

Katedotness1963 · 16/07/2018 13:26

Absolutely do not split it! What a cheek to even suggest that.