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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not split dds winnings.

325 replies

Damnivy · 16/07/2018 12:22

So my dd just won £105.
We as a family did a world cup sweep stake. There are alot of us, and we put £5 per adult/child in each. We were mostly all present when teams were drawn from a hat. So all was fair. Obviously who ever drew the winning team got the money. Was just a bit of fun.
So my dd won, she had frace. Everything good, everyone happy.
Exept my dad just sent a text to our family group saying he had drawn the money out and it was at his ready to be collected. SIL replys in group chat asking how much the kids have each??? Mum and dad both replied with laughing emoji things thinking she was making a cheeky joke. But no, she then text to ask is it just the smaller children it will be split between or older ones too? To this my dad replys no it's not being split, it's my dds money, she won it fairly. Then SIL is not happy saying how it's not fair, all the children will be so disappointed, and that it would just be greedy to keep it to herself.
No iv not replied as iv just seen all the text, and quickly spoke to my dad, he says it's up to my dd but he and mum don't think it should be split at all.
Now I have 4dcs and the dd that won is my youngest, she's only 3. She has no care for money, and wouldn't understand if it was split, but still, I had no intention of splitting it between my own dcs so why should I split it between them all?
I never really thought about it, just see it as that's dds winnings.
So wwyd? Am I being unreasonable to just let dd keep it and risk a family row in an otherwise happy family, over £105.
I doubt very much that they would have split it if it had of been there child or them that had won! There has never been any mention of this at all until now!

OP posts:
WhatchaMaCalllit · 16/07/2018 13:47

I would definitely reply (so that there is no where for your CF SIL to go with this) and the reply would be word for word what @Pengggwn has posted: I'd say, "Sorry, there has been some misunderstanding. It was a sweepstake, so there is one winner (France) and DD won it. Good luck next time!"
Get the money that your DD has won and move on.

wink1970 · 16/07/2018 13:47

I wouldn't split it with your other children, this won't help. Either buy a large toy - she could buy the said trampoline, in which case the other DCs now have money put aside for something else shared - or bank it.

MerryMarigold · 16/07/2018 13:51

We have SILs children most Saturday afternoons while DB and sil work, so they will actually get use of the trampoline too.

I'd say that you've decided to put some of the money in the bank and some towards the trampoline, which everyone is going to benefit from.

eddielizzard · 16/07/2018 13:51

It's not up to your SIL and really she should stop being so controlling. She wouldn't be saying a word if her kid had won. Just do what you want. The trampoline is a great idea as her kids get use of it too.

Colbu24 · 16/07/2018 13:53

I'll say to your sil that she isn't sharing with her siblings either because it's her money. HER MONEY to do whatever she wants with.
We are talking about £105 not a 1005. What a way to spoil a bit of fun. I'm glad your DD isn't in any doubt who's money is it.

dueanotherchange · 16/07/2018 13:53

We have SILs children most Saturday afternoons while DB and sil work, so they will actually get use of the trampoline too.

Are you also providing free childcare for her?!! If so, she really wants a word with herself.

I think your plan sounds lovely.

Di11y · 16/07/2018 13:55

Is she having a laugh? What's the point in playing if you're just gonna give the money back again Hmm maybe offer whatever her family's pot back and say you didn't Have to join in you know..

Glumglowworm · 16/07/2018 14:01

If it’s not a sweepstake with one winner then it’s basically a bunch of adults giving money to a bunch of kids, what’s the point?

DD won fair and square.

As she’s so little I’d probably use some of it for a treat for all your own children and let her choose a nice toy or activity or special outfit or something for the rest. But that’s entirely up to you! Letting her keep all of it is an equally valid choice.

Hygge · 16/07/2018 14:02

I knew she wouldn't have the older children from the way she asked if they were included or not.

She's even worse then, for expecting your your youngest child to share and your older children to be excluded, just so hers can benefit.

Stick to your plan, savings, a toy, some money in the pot for the shared trampoline.

I'd keep on ignoring her otherwise if she asks about sharing again.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/07/2018 14:02

She wants her children in on the act, but some of yours left out?
That’s a bit of a drip feed...

KokoandAllBall · 16/07/2018 14:03

Good plan, do that. And don't let your SIL get away with being snarky about it. If she doesn't know what a pool is, she shouldn't join one.

M3lon · 16/07/2018 14:04

I think you should ask the winning DD what she wants to do with it. You could give her the option of putting it away in bank account, or sharing it with siblings, or sharing it with all children in sweepstake.

Be prepared for her to say she wants to share it though...apparently kids are shit hot on fairness at that age...

MadMags · 16/07/2018 14:06

@Damnivy good plan re: her money but I'm sorry I think given your SIL's behaviour, it would be a mistake to spend the £5 on sweets.

Yes, it's only a fiver and yes, they're only sweets but CFers are created when people don't call them out on their shit.

You don't have to call her out but you'd be mad to pander in any way.

Sounds like you already provide free childcare which is a pisstake in itself!

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 16/07/2018 14:07

That sounds like a great plan. Maybe you can have a grand trampoline opening on a Saturday when you have their DC, with some nibbles provided by the £5.

ineedwine99 · 16/07/2018 14:08

£100 in DD’s bank , £5 on sweets to be shared amongst the children

THIS :-)

Sod splitting with SIL, sore loser

Di11y · 16/07/2018 14:08

Rtft and think trampoline is a great idea, all the children will benefit from the money even if they don't get the cash.

HollowTalk · 16/07/2018 14:10

So when she says, "Will it be split between the smaller ones or the bigger ones, too?" she is actually saying, "Will it be split between my children and the winner, or are your children going to geg in on it, too?"

I'd put some towards the trampoline - all of the children will benefit from that - and put the rest in your daughter's savings.

Your SIL is as cheeky as we've ever seen on here!

Kathulu · 16/07/2018 14:12

Did any of the other kids have the other top three teams, she may have, very mistakenly, assumed that there'd be a top prize of £75 2nd prize of £20 and so on?

Either way it's really cheeky to flat out ask for a share - especially if the rules were set out beforehand. I think you should take the money and either buy something you know your daughter will love or bank it. Either way your SIL is a Cheeky, greedy fucker.

NWQM · 16/07/2018 14:16

My guess is saying nothing isn’t going to fly but saying that it’s going towards a trampoline and pointing out all the children will benefit is perfect. I wouldn’t bother buying sweets to share.

tillytrotter1 · 16/07/2018 14:17

Why do people get engaged in this sort of thing? Say No and don't respond to anything else. This kind of person only keeps on because the door is left slightly open. I honestly get amazed reading these pages how people seem incapable of making a decision and sticking to it, not just this topic but generally, everything is a discussion.

newsparklythings · 16/07/2018 14:17

CF of the highest order

Do you usually all give in to her to keep the peace - what has made her think she can kick off and be rewarded for her CF-ery?

4littlebirds · 16/07/2018 14:19

Just do whatever you want with DD money, don’t buy a trampoline as peace offering, unless you truly think DD wants one.
Don’t get people saying don’t cause a family rift. Your sil doesn’t give a shit about causing one, so why jump through hoops trying to keep that CF happy. Be firm tell her it’s dd money and it won’t be split, end of.

YearOfYouRemember · 16/07/2018 14:21

Your SIL isn't cheeky She's greedy. Cheeky implies funny and good hearted. She's not.
But your dd a lovely book or something and bank the rest.

ijustwannadance · 16/07/2018 14:23

You provide her with free child care, if she's daft enough to fall out over this she'll be shooting herself in the foot.

I suspect she had already told her kids they were getting a share before asking.

Rikalaily · 16/07/2018 14:32

Ask her if she'd won would she be splitting it between all of the adults, or just the younger adults or older adults? She's batshit crazy. The money is your dd's.

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