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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think most men past the age of 30 suffer from ED?

167 replies

NCLady · 16/07/2018 11:01

Hi all, I NCed for this as it is a bit of an embarrassing topic, but I am a regular poster.

I'll go straight to the point: is it just me being incredibly unlucky, or is ED really really frequent in men over the age of 30?

I am 29 and until a couple of years ago I never slept with a man who had issues with getting it up/ keeping it up/ finishing. I pretty much took it for granted! But in the last few years I dated 4 different men around the age of 30/35 and all of them had some sort of ED issues!

Mostly they could never finish, which I am sure must be really frustrating for a man. Manual or oral stimulation didn't fix the problem either.

I stopped dating all 4 of them partially because of this issue, because it felt like our sexual life wasn't working (on top of other things I was not happy with). None of these flings made it to a proper relationship level, so I never felt like we had the intimacy and trust to talk about the problem openly. With two of them I tried to approach the subject very tactfully, I mostly got defensive reactions and random excuses, so I just dropped it.

Now I started going out with lovely New Guy a few weeks ago, all was well, great attraction and chemistry, awesome compatibility, we went back to his and... SAME PROBLEM! At this stage we slept together 5 times, and he did not manage to finish once. I think I can safely assume there is a regular issue there, and it wasn't a one-off. I feel so disheartened.

Is it me being incredibly unlucky or do I just have to accept that most men past the age of 30 have these issues?

OP posts:

ichifanny · 18/07/2018 10:50

Eh ? Wakemeup what the hell are you suggesting ?

TwoShades1 · 18/07/2018 11:01

My partner is 31. He has a very very high sex drive and extremely good stamina. The only times he struggles to finish is if he has masturbated a few times during the day before we have sex at night.

TwoShades1 · 18/07/2018 11:03

Should also say my partner watches a lot of porn and masturbates frequently.

IAmNotAWitch · 18/07/2018 11:16

Another old married, DH has never had an issue and he is 43.

I don't know if he masturbates but am pretty sure he doesn't watch porn (unless watching odd men gush about computer parts counts).

Things have slowed down over the years (i.e. his turnaround was quicker when he was 23 ) but still no issues.

IAmNotAWitch · 18/07/2018 11:17

He HAS commented before that the cat food smells OK, so who knows?

adviceonthepox · 18/07/2018 11:21

I've never had this problem with any man I've been with. My DH is 35 and has never had a problem even while taken anti depressants or after his vasectomy. Did you ask any of them if it was normal for them?

headinhands · 18/07/2018 11:22

He HAS commented before that the cat food smells OK, so who knows?

Funny you should say that. As I was putting some dry food out yesterday, purina indoor, I did think it smell quite yummy!

Notquiteagandt · 18/07/2018 11:23

I am the same age as you.i have honnestly never come across a guy with this issue in all my many years of dating.

However I generally date older guys. So it is very very rare I date a guy in his early 30s.

So maybe it is a generational thing? Grown up around porn and become addicted to it.

Although I have a friend. A lingerie model. Hot as hell. Has men falling over her everywhere she goes. And this ALWAYS happens to her. She has came to the concousion after speaking to guys about it. That she intimidates them with her beauty and they go all shy under the pressure. I know it sounds silly ....but apparently it is a thing.

Notquiteagandt · 18/07/2018 11:24

^ their words not hers. She is the most insecure person ever. So would never boast like so...

headinhands · 18/07/2018 12:02

That she intimidates them with her beauty and they go all shy under the pressure. I know it sounds silly ....but apparently it is a thing

right well I'm giving DH a right rollicking when he gets in!

ForalltheSaints · 18/07/2018 12:09

I am a man. I think it is bad luck on the OPs part, nothing else.

DonkeySkin · 18/07/2018 12:13

Sorry, can't resist posting this:

IAmNotAWitch · 18/07/2018 12:19

Actually that is a good point. I have previously felt flattered that DH seems so keen to have sex with me after 20+ years BUT that must mean that he doesn't find me intimidatingly beautiful?!

I may go interrupt his nerd porn with this complaint.

RoboticSealpup · 18/07/2018 12:29

DH is 36 and doesn't have this issue. It used to happened once in a while when he was around 27-28 but it went away when he quit smoking.

Buglife · 18/07/2018 12:36

DH is 35 and while we don’t have loads of sex these days when we want to he has no ED issues. Not even after drinking. He doesn’t use porn at all though and as we got together at 18 hasn’t for years and years (I can be pretty sure on this as we have lived together since then and always shared computers etc and there’s nowhere in the house he’d hide it if he was planning on using it!)

OneStepSideways · 18/07/2018 12:36

Not in my experience.

I think you are either unlucky, or doing something accidentally they find off putting. Are you rushing the foreplay? Handling them too gently/roughly? Do they lose their erection when you put the condom on or before/after?

Mamadothehump · 18/07/2018 15:11

No problems for my 40+ year old husband.

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