Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

To think most men past the age of 30 suffer from ED?

167 replies

NCLady · 16/07/2018 11:01

Hi all, I NCed for this as it is a bit of an embarrassing topic, but I am a regular poster.

I'll go straight to the point: is it just me being incredibly unlucky, or is ED really really frequent in men over the age of 30?

I am 29 and until a couple of years ago I never slept with a man who had issues with getting it up/ keeping it up/ finishing. I pretty much took it for granted! But in the last few years I dated 4 different men around the age of 30/35 and all of them had some sort of ED issues!

Mostly they could never finish, which I am sure must be really frustrating for a man. Manual or oral stimulation didn't fix the problem either.

I stopped dating all 4 of them partially because of this issue, because it felt like our sexual life wasn't working (on top of other things I was not happy with). None of these flings made it to a proper relationship level, so I never felt like we had the intimacy and trust to talk about the problem openly. With two of them I tried to approach the subject very tactfully, I mostly got defensive reactions and random excuses, so I just dropped it.

Now I started going out with lovely New Guy a few weeks ago, all was well, great attraction and chemistry, awesome compatibility, we went back to his and... SAME PROBLEM! At this stage we slept together 5 times, and he did not manage to finish once. I think I can safely assume there is a regular issue there, and it wasn't a one-off. I feel so disheartened.

Is it me being incredibly unlucky or do I just have to accept that most men past the age of 30 have these issues?

OP posts:

eyycarumba · 16/07/2018 11:32

Only guy I ever had a problem was a serial masturbater and very rough with it, late 20s. He could only finish himself and I'm still dumbfounded as to how he never pulled it off or injured himself. I've not had many over 30 but the ones I have were fine.

Birdsgottafly · 16/07/2018 11:33

I don't want a relationship and didn't many years ago.

I've never been with a man that has had ED, they have been up to the age of 50.

Possibly more Men with ED are single.

Do you discuss it? If your having sex with someone you should be able to have a conversation.

Typhers · 16/07/2018 11:34

35 and no such issues here thank god 👍 If porn categorically caused ED then practically every bloke on the planet would have issues. Age, health, weight, mid life crisis etc are going to be bigger contributing factors.

PineappleFwitters · 16/07/2018 11:34

I had a gorgeous FWB who couldn't do it more than once a night. He had no problem getting it up once but was rarely able to go a second round. He kept saying it was age-related, but he was 34 not 64! It wasn't something I'd encountered in men before tbh.

PineappleFwitters · 16/07/2018 11:35

Oh and he was very athletic, not on any sort of drugs and was anti-porn (or so he claimed) so not sure what the reason was. He seemed to think it was normal after 30 and I didn't have the heart to tell him it wasn't!

VulvaofSteel · 16/07/2018 11:36

I think single men today suffer from too much porn.

DH is mid 40s and still a 'tickin.

VulvaofSteel · 16/07/2018 11:37

Oh but twice in a night would be very rare indeed these days.

ravenmum · 16/07/2018 11:38

Ex then aged 45 never had any such issues. Current bf aged 53 has no such issues. Last bf then 48 was a bit limp and come to think of it I saw a porn page on his laptop! Hmm

Sounds frustrating but more like bad luck to me.

Birdsgottafly · 16/07/2018 11:38

""If porn categorically caused ED then practically every bloke on the planet would have issues.""

There is a difference between occasionally watching and making it your main sex life.

Excessive porn watching does cause ED. It's one of the first questions that is asked when the health stuff is out of the way.

Even if in a relationship and having ED, you are told not to watch porn and cut out masturbation.

FlyingDandelionSeed · 16/07/2018 11:39

OP, my experience tallies with yours, that this is a very common issue with men who are single in their 30s. Also, men who talk the talk but aren't that bothered with actually having sex when it comes down to it.

Your getting a lot of responses from people who have a sample size of one man in a long term relationship, so obviously that's different.

GameOfMinges · 16/07/2018 11:40

I notice you seem to be talking about men in their early 30s OP, you say 30-35. That's a key point because people in their 30s now are on both sides of the access to internet porn during teenage years divide. A 31 year old who was born in 1987 probably had access to internet porn during puberty. A 38 year old born in 1980 probably didn't. 35 is probably about the tipping point.

It does seem very odd for them literally not to be able to climax. It's one thing to only be able to do it once or twice in a night tops, I think that's probably low end of normal, but entirely non-orgasmic makes me think you've been very unlucky.

SwingingCrane · 16/07/2018 11:40

DH is 40, never had any issues.

UpstartCrow · 16/07/2018 11:42

The mechanics are explained in plain English here;

''How can porn induce erectile dysfunction?''
www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/317117.php

ShatnersWig · 16/07/2018 11:43

I wish I'd had sex in the last decade to be able to advise better but certainly in my early-30s when I wasn't single, no ED issues.

SoyDora · 16/07/2018 11:44

DH is 33 and never had an issue. I think you’re unlucky.

GameOfMinges · 16/07/2018 11:46

It's a good point about the potential difference between men in relationships and single men. I expect single men wank a lot more to porn on average than coupled up men.

CookPassBabtridge · 16/07/2018 11:46

Never had any issues with DP staying hard and cumming and he's 32. He's never been able to go twice a night though!

Original poster

NCLady · 16/07/2018 11:47

Your getting a lot of responses from people who have a sample size of one man in a long term relationship, so obviously that's different.

I think there might be some truth in this FlyingDandelionSeed (not to discount the experience of women in LTR, which are still very relevant to the topic of conversation!)

OP posts:

Iswallowtoothpaste · 16/07/2018 11:47

My OH is 39, we usually have sex every day, at least once a day and have done for the 7 years we’ve been together (barring giving birth, MC, hen doos etc)

He never has any issues getting hard or finishing. I’ve been with men over 30 who’ve had issues finishing before but not getting hard.

BettyDuMonde · 16/07/2018 11:48

My DH is 50 this year and your experience definitely does not apply here! I’ve left previous partners due to mismatched libido (me wanting way more than they did) and I shoulda been careful what I wished for!

I suspect what you are seeing is the effects of years of. online pornography use - my chap is not at all interested in porn and as such has not become desensitised, and he isn’t wasting sexual energy elsewhere.

Check out Reddit’s no fap. It’s full of men trying to give up porn having found it’s left them unable to function with women.

callmeadoctor · 16/07/2018 11:49

What the hell is Iron Fist? (Sorry, embarrassed that everybody else seems to know except me!

thegreatbeyond · 16/07/2018 11:49

Nope. Husband is 39.

harriethoyle · 16/07/2018 11:50

@eyycarumba lolling at your being dumbfounded he never pulled it off!!

MerryMarigold · 16/07/2018 11:51

Mostly they could never finish, which I am sure must be really frustrating for a man. Manual or oral stimulation didn't fix the problem either.

I think porn is to blame her. If these men are single and use a lot of porn, it is very hard to climax or get a proper erection, without using porn. Men who use less porn (eg. in a long term relationship), even if they are the same age, don't have these same issues.

FooFighter99 · 16/07/2018 11:51

My DH is 42 and has no trouble at all getting hard, keeping it up or finishing

In my promiscuous youth, there was 1 bloke I dated who couldn't finish and he was taking anti-depressants...

I think you've just been unlucky chuck

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7