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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think most men past the age of 30 suffer from ED?

167 replies

NCLady · 16/07/2018 11:01

Hi all, I NCed for this as it is a bit of an embarrassing topic, but I am a regular poster.

I'll go straight to the point: is it just me being incredibly unlucky, or is ED really really frequent in men over the age of 30?

I am 29 and until a couple of years ago I never slept with a man who had issues with getting it up/ keeping it up/ finishing. I pretty much took it for granted! But in the last few years I dated 4 different men around the age of 30/35 and all of them had some sort of ED issues!

Mostly they could never finish, which I am sure must be really frustrating for a man. Manual or oral stimulation didn't fix the problem either.

I stopped dating all 4 of them partially because of this issue, because it felt like our sexual life wasn't working (on top of other things I was not happy with). None of these flings made it to a proper relationship level, so I never felt like we had the intimacy and trust to talk about the problem openly. With two of them I tried to approach the subject very tactfully, I mostly got defensive reactions and random excuses, so I just dropped it.

Now I started going out with lovely New Guy a few weeks ago, all was well, great attraction and chemistry, awesome compatibility, we went back to his and... SAME PROBLEM! At this stage we slept together 5 times, and he did not manage to finish once. I think I can safely assume there is a regular issue there, and it wasn't a one-off. I feel so disheartened.

Is it me being incredibly unlucky or do I just have to accept that most men past the age of 30 have these issues?

OP posts:

DarthLipgloss · 17/07/2018 18:39

Yep wasn't the best :/

Missillusioned · 17/07/2018 18:50

I've had the problem of men not finishing with 2 men recently. I've not encountered it before this year.

First man was early thirties. No problems getting it up, but couldn't finish. He was on anti depressants though.

Second man was late 20s. Again, no problems getting it up, but couldn't finish. I don't know his medical history, but he did tell me he had always taken a very long time to finish and didn't always achieve this, even as a teenager

ichifanny · 17/07/2018 18:58

Oh and the porn thing isn’t about ex’s excessively masturbating or the death grip it’s the more and more extreme material people are accessing that means normal sex is a tad boring compared to it .

ichifanny · 17/07/2018 18:58

Men not ex

RainbowLaces · 17/07/2018 19:20

This video nicely explains how porn addiction from a young age CAN cause ED in some middle aged men (not applying to all)..

oldsockeater · 17/07/2018 19:41

My partner has watched a lot of porn in the past and although he doesn't have ED, there are signs that the porn has affected his expectations. It's a shame. He's 33 so just young enough to have grown up with porn. There should be more awareness of this problem.

littledinosaurs · 17/07/2018 20:21

My ex (I was with him when I was about 20) couldn't ever finish. It was the worst.

Theycouldhavechoseneve · 17/07/2018 21:00

My chap is 52 and no issues, even with drink. My prior experience leads me to agree porn can be an issue in causing ED

Seniorcitizen1 · 17/07/2018 22:03

Maybe its you?

Reflection1 · 17/07/2018 22:09

Dh 35, no issues with this whatsoever.

Vashna · 17/07/2018 22:19

DH is 48 and never any issues whatsoever. It’s scary to think of the impact of porn if it’s common for 30 year olds to have ED these days. I certainly don’t remember this being an issue when I was in my 20s.

MistressDeeCee · 17/07/2018 22:28

OH is 62 fit and healthy, no problems whatsoever in that department. A lot of young men have been desensitised (jaded?) by porn I suspect

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 17/07/2018 22:28

It's not age-related, it's porn usage. On thestudentroom forums (for er, students) there are occasional threads asking advice about this from 18-25 year old men and women.

SchrodingersMeowth · 17/07/2018 22:28

DP 31, we’ve been together 9 years, on anti depressants and he is overweight and no problems

Dodie66 · 17/07/2018 22:30

My hubby is 67 and has never had problems

BitOutOfPractice · 17/07/2018 22:32

I think you've been unlucky op. Sorry

ABlokeHmm · 17/07/2018 22:47

Name changed.

I’m a man who did suffer from this - my first real relationship started when I was late thirties. I’d had sex before then only a couple of times, and the problem arose.

When I started my relationship I just couldn’t get it up, or maintain an erection during sex. It damaged the start of our relationship badly as my partner thought it was about her....

....but it was about me. And every guess on this thread was correct - masturbating was the cause - linked a bit to porn but generally it was using my imagination - but the result was the same. A real woman was something entirely different from what I had experience of. I was so excited but it just didn’t feel real. I told her absolutely everything.

I knocked the masturbating on the head for a few weeks, and it made a huge difference. I came through sex. By then though my partner had a lot of trust issues - rightly - and it wasn’t totally solved. Then I went to counselling, thought a lot and broke it down as to why.

I had for a long time felt unloveable and very sad about my lack of relationship history, and this had been a crutch to numb myself from that. I’m fit, reasonably intelligent, not socially awkward, financially secure and creative....but I just would freeze when it came to romance.

Anyway - long story short - there are now no issues for me with sex . Normal, oral - whatever - I am turned on properly, for real and it’s wonderful. however I did a lot of damage to the relationship and that is something that is taking a long time to repair. If you do love the man, and can see the good in him it might be worth it for you, but I fully understand why it’s very difficult to do that.

Ollivander84 · 17/07/2018 23:58

Ollie has lowered his standards and is now eating supermarket food
Waitrose chicken terrine cat food

headinhands · 18/07/2018 00:05

So that cat food sorted his ED did it?

Armchairanarchist · 18/07/2018 01:12

DH is 53, we're now into our 25th year and never had a single occurrence. Even at his age I'd be looking for a medical reason if it happened.

Ollivander84 · 18/07/2018 07:28

Oh god first time EVER I've posted on a wrong thread
FFS
DON'T feed men cat food

wakemeupbefore · 18/07/2018 07:36

OP, sorry to be so blunt here, but haven't you noticed the one common denominator in your story......

MsBagelLady · 18/07/2018 09:27

It is my experience that men who watch porn have trouble or are unable to enjoy sex with a human female in the same way as a non porn watching man. The porn watchers I have dated have all been unable to ejaculate during vaginal intercourse and have 'needed' extra stimulation in order to orgasm or have just been unable to. Also, one man I dated for a considerable period of time was not ever present during sex, he was was imagining what he called 'ruder things' in his desperate attempts to ejaculate without porn. Now I have met a man who does not watch porn and our sex life is great, there are no ejaculation issues, no requests to get weirder. I'm keeping him.

MsBagelLady · 18/07/2018 09:29

I forgot to mention that we are both in our early 50s.

Original poster

NCLady · 18/07/2018 10:41

"OP, sorry to be so blunt here, but haven't you noticed the one common denominator in your story......"

Wakemeup are you suggesting that it is my fault for these men's inability to have an orgasm?

OP posts:

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