Aibu or is school, regarding discipline?

[Imustbemad00]

Would like any information anyone can give me regarding secondary schools and discipline procedures.
My child’s secondary school is strict. I knew it was strict, partly why I chose it. However, in reality, it is causing so many problems. My child has changed so much since starting there, unhappy, suffering with mental health and has developed a bad attitude problem and I will admit is being quite naughty at school and at home. Im worried.

This brings me on to the school rules and discipline. The school penalises children for looking out of a window, or anything viewed as a drop in concentration or messing around. Even dropping a pen. They have to move through the corridors in silence and not make eye contact with anyone and can’t even mess about at break time. They have to sit and chat and be sensible. It’s like they can not have personalities.

The sanctions for bad behaviour are extreme. My child has spent a lot of time in isolation, which means out of lessons. Not learning. Not talking to another person all day. Not great for a child already struggling with mental health.

The school also give them double detentions, meaning my child is was in school for 9 hours and 45mins today without talking to another child or being in any lessons, arriving home at 6.30pm.

I try to work with them as I know my child’s behaviour is the cause of punishments, but honestly feel they are way over the top and their approach is making things worse. They say that those are their policies and that is that.

I’m thinking of moving schools but worry my child’s behaviour could worsen if boundriers were relaxed. But equally they could flourish if not so unhappy and stressed.

So Aibu to think the schools policies are over the top? Is it normal?

Yes children are entitled to full time education. They and their parents are not entitled to dictate the parameters of how one school goes about upholding their side of a consensual agreement. OP consented to this school educating her child, she consented to their behavioural policy. Her child has broken the agreement to behave according to the school policies. It really doesn't matter if you think it's mad for not being able to look out of a window or dropping a pen (?) it also wouldn't matter of the school perscribed buzz cut hairstyles for all students and the uniform was unicorn onesie's. You agreed to it by signing a home school agreement including its behavioural policies. If this was not made clear then you should take the lack of information up with the school. However the bottom line is at this stage you made an consensual agreement, if you don't like it, go elsewhere. No one is stopping you, just like no one forced you to send your child there in the first place.

Not everyone has an elsewhere to go though. If your only local school is like this, you have no real choice and cannot do what is best for your child. In the real world private or home ed are not options because people need to work to live but may not be wealthy.

I looks like OP does have a choice though. Other schools may not be Ofsted outstanding or look so good on paper, but as OP has found to her cost, the day to day reality can be very different to how a school presents itself. I think OP should be proactive and exercise that choice pronto as I can't see things getting any better.

I would not let my child go to that school.

So Pointythings you are suggesting that a school should change its behavioural policies which are clearly working for the majority (OP has clearly said this is a good school) in order to accommodate the wishes of a small minority? It is nothing to do with the school the personal circumstances of the parents that send their children there. It is also nothing to do with the school what the local provision of schools is like. As far as I am aware in a free society you can live, work, and send your child to school wherever the hell you want to? Also the point you are making in this instance is not up for debate as OP says she deliberately CHOSE this school based on its good reputation, which suggests that she had a choice.

That's like saying 'Hey this Schools strictness looks like it gets good results, I want my kid to go there! But I don't want any of the mechanisms in place that achieve this outcome to apply to my kid because... well... it doesn't suit them.'

I knew it was Michaela as soon as I read the opening post. I don't have a lot of sympathy for the OP, as the OP would have sought this school out specifically (it is not one assigned through the normal admissions procedures) and it is very clear how Michaela operates even though I don't agree with it and I have visited the school

Move your child if you don't like it in reality, OP. I am not surprised your child now has mental health issues and it was your choice to pick this school. You are not going to change anything there.

What would happen if you were assigned a school you didn't want and refused to sign up to the behaviour policy?

It's entirely up to you what you do in that instance. It will be completely different in every circumstance,and therefore cannot be legislated for. The only thing the government states is that a child has a right to access full time education. After that it's on you.

If it's Michaela school, I've been there and it's lovely. I teach in a private school, and Michaela feels like a private school. The kids do have fun at break, they sit and chat or play sport rather than fighting and swearing. If you're not on board with this, then take him out. I think you'd be depriving him of a real opportunity though.disvipline will be good for him in the long run.

What would happen if you were assigned a school you didn't want and refused to sign up to the behaviour policy?

I would have every sympathy if someone was assigned a school that wasn't the right fit for their child and would advocate fighting for another school in that instance. There is an appeals process and in a lot of other areas, specific parts of the behaviour policy can be open for discussion. In addition, it may be that you would look for another school that was under-subscribed, albeit it further away possibly.

Michaela is unique because it is a school that has been set up specifically to govern according to these very strict practices and for the families asking to go there, that is what they want and sign up for.

If you refuse to sign a specific Schools behaviour policy then the school will not admit your child.

I knew it was Michaela as soon as I read the opening post.

Except it's not! As you would know if you had bothered to read OP's other posts.

It's a tricky one with admissions being so difficult and schools having such varied behaviour policies. I would never sign my child up for this.

Snugglybuggy I really don't think it's a headscratcher when choosing a school for your child in the grand scheme of things. The VAST majority of students will never experience more of a schools behaviour policy then a few demerits or whatever for a forgotten book or PE kit. Isolation rooms are the absolute last resort in terms of behaviour policy. Most parents at most good schools wouldn't even know if their school had one if you asked them.

And for those who think you can be thrown into an sensory deprivation cell for glancing out of a window please find an example of a fairly standard consequence plan (*I do not have any affiliation with the school who posted this on Google images, I just thought it was a useful visual).

Wow some people are so incredibly rude. So people are assuming my child is persistently rude and poorly patented. What an assumption to jump to. My child managed 8 years of school with no issues before.

Tonthenposter askong whatnwould I suggest they do..
I wouldnof suggested they use detentions, withdrawal of break times and privileges, before jumping to isolation for silly things. Maybe if they had used these more effective and less damaging methods my child would not now be in the position they are in. My child is not being rude, but questioning the authority l, such as “why can’t I...” or “I’m not spending another day in there l...” my child has become very very frustrated. Wouldn’t you?

10 hours is not a few hours, I’m shocked that people think that’s acceptable. My Aibu is not so much about the room, more the use of it.

Also people are saying the alternative would be for my child to be at home excluded or suspended. No they wouldn’t as it would be illegal to exclude them based on the grounds they are using for isolation.

@Imustbemad00 you dont Really mean AIBU do you?? You've already decided that you are totally reasonable and the school are not. Take him out. You are going to do nothing but fight with the school about their use of the INCLUSION room till DS leaves. (Hopefully) you won't win and most importantly your child won't learn the valuable lessons that the school is trying to teach him - including it is ill-advised to persistently challenge authority.

@Imustbemad00 'persistently breaking the school code of conduct' is a perfectly legal and well used reason for fixed term exclusion.

Imustbemad00

How so?

My child is not being rude, but questioning the authority l, such as “why can’t I...” or “I’m not spending another day in there l...” my child has become very very frustrated. Wouldn’t you?

Of course he is being rude. "I'm not" this and "why" that, presumably when people are trying to explain where he is going wrong?

Oh dear, OP. I feel you have your blinkers on nice and tight, if I am honest.

crabby yes I would. Because there are many, many schools where behaviour is managed without such extreme measures. Sanctions for eye contact? And you are OK with that? If other schools can maintain order without resorting to this nonsense, I can only conclude that this school has decided for a lazy, one-size fits all approach to discipline.

As I have said before, my DDs go to a sensible school. There is discipline. But there isn't any of this nonsense. It really isn't rocket science. The school does use inclusion and detention, but there is flexibility. From yr 9 onwards there is an instant after school detention for homework not completed and handed in on time. However, if the school's rubbish online maths homework system fails and therefore it is not possible to do the homework, or if there is a local broadband outage, there is flexibility - because the school recognises that people and systems are both fallible. When you take the humanity out of schools, you've failed.

Crabby, while your consequence table looks perfectly reasonable, the other side of the equation is missing eg what the pupil has to do to elicit those consequences. In OPs case they seem to have racheted up pretty quickly to reach nearly 10 hours of internal exclusion.

While OP obviously thinks the school is unreasonable, and their complete inability to have a sensible converation with her, would confirm her in that belief, her actual question is more, is this normalnormal for schools nowadays and would it be reasonable to leave the DC there or find another school for him. I would definitely recommend another school.