To feel weird about accepting a free house?

[namechangemaestro]

In a nutshell dp's DM has offered to buy us a house. Outright. Just like that.
I'm in shock to be honest and torn between biting her hand off before she changes her mind, and actually rather dubious about the intention and feeling indebted to her.
For context she has form for being neurotic and a bit controlling. We live in a flat at the moment and have a young DC (her 1st GC).
The area she lives in is close by and rather affluent, and would actually be a lovely place to raise children. She offered to buy us a house in the same area - something we'd never be able to afford. The thing is we have been looking in areas further afield that are new for us to start afresh.
Anyway, am I being ridiculous for even considering turning this offer down? It would take us a long time to save up to live in a nice house and nice area, but will she feel like she can just pop round whenever she feels because she bought it? Will we "owe" her something per se?

If our kids started inquiring into our finances they'd be put back in their box at the speed of light

What? Why? Surely your children are the people that absolutely have to know your financial situation in regards care home fees? Ultimately it may be their decision or even cost. Why would you not ensure your children knew? Unless you are no contact? Anyone with a good relationship with their children will make sure they are enabled to know both what you want and what you can afford.

I'm 49. My husband 52. Our daughter knows our financial situation from salaries, to savings, to mortgage value to pension value. Why would she not? She's our child. Ultimately she will either call it or inherit it, and it's not something we need to hide from her. She's just turned 21 but has always pretty much known, we have always been open.

Frankly because it's none of their business. If we need a care home we will have already chosen it ourselves and ensured there's sufficient money to pay for it. Two of them will have power of attorney. They don't need to know anything about our money at this stage.

What hungryhippo90 said. Every month here on mn we see threads from women who have split up from their partner after finding him cheating. Woman now homeless and nothing to show for however much she had contributed to paying off his mortgage. Just don't put yourself in this position. By all means contribute to bills and food but do not put a penny into the mortgage without legal rights to a fair share of the equity.

Oh dear I can’t see this ending well at all OP.

Are there any plans to get married?

I’m sorry if this sounds rude but basically she is not your MIL she is your boyfriends mum.

You are absolutely crazy to be paying half the mortgage on your boyfriends flat.

When he sells will you get back what you put in? If so can you put in aside as a starting point for your own flat that you could rent out while living in your boyfriends house?

I dont think kids need to know all of money issues.

I wouldn't take the gift. My father could be neurotic and controlling, and if he paid for something, even if it was in my house and mine, he could suddenly announce that it was "his". He tried saying it about my house a few times, but I hadn't asked him for money so my house wasn't his. Not one single piece of it. He hated that as it didn't give him the control he wanted.

Your MIL needs to look at the implications of giving away money - it may still
End up being liable for inheritance tax and, if she ends up needing help with funding carehome costs and can't pay for it herself then it she might have a problem with being seen as deliberately getting rid of assets to avoid being liable for care home fees etc ('deprivation of assets' )

Sorry, I've explained that badly but hopefully you get the idea.

It will only be liable for inheritance tax if she dies within seven years of making the gift. Most people in her position will be living in a house worth enough for their care home fees to be covered for several years. People do actually think things through before they take these big financial decisions.

Bluelady
Thanks but I know the rules of inheritance tax however not everyone does - that's why I suggested the OPs MIL looks into it.

Same goes for deprivation of assets. We don't know much about the OPs MILs finances but even if she is well off she should still be aware of the implications of giving away large amounts of money.

I'm sure OP's MiL knows as much as you or me. And it's not OP's place to interfere, it's nothing to do with her.