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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel weird about accepting a free house?

160 replies

namechangemaestro · 13/07/2018 18:56

In a nutshell dp's DM has offered to buy us a house. Outright. Just like that.
I'm in shock to be honest and torn between biting her hand off before she changes her mind, and actually rather dubious about the intention and feeling indebted to her.
For context she has form for being neurotic and a bit controlling. We live in a flat at the moment and have a young DC (her 1st GC).
The area she lives in is close by and rather affluent, and would actually be a lovely place to raise children. She offered to buy us a house in the same area - something we'd never be able to afford. The thing is we have been looking in areas further afield that are new for us to start afresh.
Anyway, am I being ridiculous for even considering turning this offer down? It would take us a long time to save up to live in a nice house and nice area, but will she feel like she can just pop round whenever she feels because she bought it? Will we "owe" her something per se?

OP posts:
trojanpony · 13/07/2018 19:26

In your name yes, in her name hellllllll no.

RainbowGlitterFairy · 13/07/2018 19:28

FIL bought our house, he put it in our names and offered to just give it to us but like you i felt uncomfortable about that so we pay him the same amount we used to pay in rent each month, so we'll eventually pay him back, could something like that be an option?

TheHumanMothboy · 13/07/2018 19:28

One thing to be wary of is schooling. We live in a v affluent area, which means everyone educates their children at fee-paying schools. As a result the state schools we're in catchment for are utterly appalling...

Tara12 · 13/07/2018 19:29

Good God. I wish someone would buy me a house.

Knittedfairies · 13/07/2018 19:30

I’d want to know whether this gift came with ribbons or strings.

dippydeedoo · 13/07/2018 19:32

I don’t understand the if you’re not married thing at all, the house if it is a gift for the mils son will still be the ops home, if they split then even if they were married the house was gifted to the son- it’s not a mutual investment.
The money they save on rent/mortgage would either give them joint investment potential or a better standard of living which both spouses would enjoy.

InDubiousBattle · 13/07/2018 19:33

Will we "owe" her something per se

Well, yes, you would owe her (no " ")and you would owe her big time. It's an extraordinary gift and not lightly turned down but you would be completely beholden to her for the rest of her life. Several of my friends have had large sums of money given to them by their parents, including a few who have had houses bought for them. Those that are repaying seem to get on better. Could she lend you a decent deposit for you to buy somewhere you can afford and you pay her back?

MikeUniformMike · 13/07/2018 19:35

If the house is gifted to the son and in his name and they split up, OP will have no house. When it comes to custody, a parent with his own house may be in a much stronger position. Could be a nightmare.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 13/07/2018 19:38

I think I would accept but keep your flat and rent it out, that way if it all goes wrong you still have somewhere to go.

louella99 · 13/07/2018 19:39

Personally I would decline (easy for me to say though, never been offered a free house!). The fact that I saved up, jointly bought my house with DH, and jointly own it - and therefore it is only the two of us who have any say in e.g. selling it in the future/home improvements/decorating/visitors etc - means a lot to me.

dippydeedoo · 13/07/2018 19:40

I understand that mike uniform mike but the op hasn’t suggested a rocky relationship etc etc and if there was a custody case the solicitor would put forward the gifted home as reason why the mother may then be having to find alternative accommodation.

What I’m very aware of is that we seem to have thought of every nightmare situation and not really looked at the positives a rent/mortgage free lifestyle would bring and the fact that the mil may well be acting out of love and if she did need care/attention/support it is highly likely her son and the op would be the ones called upon.

ReHorsing · 13/07/2018 19:40

Take the house!

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 13/07/2018 19:42

Pretty sure MIL will just put it in her ds’s name.
Don’t then end up paying for everything else op, utilities, kiting out the house etc.

What would be better would be for her to give her dp a deposit, then for you & him to buy together. Ring fence the deposit, so that if you ever split up, he would get his deposit back and then you & he split the rest of the value of the house.

That way you benefit from the cash injection by mil. But you protect yourself by being on the housing ladder.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 13/07/2018 19:43

No
You get owt for nowt. She’ll literally own you,and habitually bring it up

bimbobaggins · 13/07/2018 19:49

There’s no such thing as a free lunch! Or house.
I would think there would be some strings attached

KokoandAllBall · 13/07/2018 19:50

Of course you accept. You can go back to renting. You may not get the offer of a free house twice.

Shortstuff08 · 13/07/2018 19:51

What happens if you and DP split?

What rights would you have?

Bellabutterfly2016 · 13/07/2018 19:52

If you're currently renting I can't see any difference between renting and living in a house potentially owned by MIL (which would hopefully be more secure) or whether your name is on it or not as if you rent your name isn't on anything.

I'd be jumping for joy - she's being very very generous. Living somewhere nice is important when you have kids.

Bluelady · 13/07/2018 19:54

From the MiL's point of view. It's to avoid inheritance tax. It's so the first time buyers' zero stamp duty applies.

How do I know this? Because I did the exact same thing for my son. He pays me "rent" at below market rate. He has his own house which he chose and to which I have no rights, I get a better return on my money than I would anywhere else. Win/win. He paid the legal fees.

Your name won't be on the deeds initially, OP, but once the purchase has gone through your partner can pay around £100 and get you added. MiL probably doesn't know this.

To be honest, anyone who says don't do it is either mad or jealous. I would recommend insisting on paying her a sensible amount to live there, though. That way she's in no doubt about whose home it is.

HollowTalk · 13/07/2018 19:57

@Bluelady, that's a really good idea, because in the end your son is inheriting more from you, really, as house prices will rise more than savings in a bank.

Did your son have a partner at the time?

MikeUniformMike · 13/07/2018 19:58

I'm not saying don't do it. I'm saying get the legal side (marriage) sorted, and your name on the deeds.
It's a very generous offer.

VioletCharlotte · 13/07/2018 19:59

Hmmmm.... sounds like a v generous offer but I'd be concerned about how much control this would give her over your life, especially as you say she has form for being a bit neurotic and controlling. You'd be forever in her debt and never, ever fell you could say no to her. I think I'd prefer to keep my independence.

FemaleDilbert · 13/07/2018 20:00

My parents bought me and DH our house and did the same for my sibling and his wife. I’m not beholden to them for anything. They did it out of love and would never want to have any control over it or live with us.

It depends very much on the spirit of the giver.

category12 · 13/07/2018 20:01

You know her. How can we possibly say how she'll treat you over it? You know deep down whether this is a good idea or not. Why can't she help you with a house deposit somewhere of your own choosing or something a bit - less?

How will the tax and so on work?

calzone · 13/07/2018 20:03

If I could buy my boys a house, I definitely would with no strings attached.

Accept it and be thankful.

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