Devastated - should we move or AIBU?

[MisstoMrs]

I have a 4 year old dog. My neighbours have just got a new puppy. Since the new puppy arrived my dog has been able to see it through the fence and has been barking a lot. I am having someone round to replace the fence today so it is no longer semi-seethrough. I did this when we moved in 5 years ago with the rest of the fence as for some reason my dog took to barking at that side of the garden. He had never barked at neighbours before but they have a cat so that may have been a factor. Prior to the new puppy he did occasionally bark at them so we only let him in the garden when we are home (I work from home, as does my neighbour). This means we can supervise the dog and call him in if he barks. In total, on a bad day, he would bark for up 5 mins in total, between 8am and 10pm. We don’t let him out beyond those times. However, as I said, the new puppy has meant he is barking more than that at the moment and that definitely needs addressing.

Yesterday my neighbour came round to see me. She told me that the barking has been so bad since we moved in they are taking about moving, that we have ruined the quiet street, that all the neighbours agree that our dog is a problem, that he is teaching their 12 week old puppy to bark and that they are both really down about our dog barking because he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden.

I obviously don’t want them to feel any of those things but I don’t know what to do. I feel devastated that instead of talking to us they have spoken to our neighbours and left it to the point where I feel nothing we do will be enough. I don’t accept that our dog is teaching theirs to bark; it is just of an age where they learn but clearly they are blaming our dog and that is what they will believe is happening. I also don’t feel that, new puppy aside, the noise is excessive. We never leave him to bark. I can’t always race outside if he does bark because I have a baby, but he’s never there for more than one to two minutes, and as I said he is never outside when we are not there. We’re going to start recording when he barks and for how long to make sure we’re not being blind to it and ive asked them to tell me if there is a day when they think it is unacceptable.

I’m devastated and thinking of moving. I feel sick every time my dog or DD make a noise outside. AIBU?

Posting on AIBU as I want honest opinions from non dog owners but would also welcome any advice. Sorry it’s so long but didn’t want to drop feed.

Thank you.

I feel for you regarding the neighbours talking, I have been on the receiving end of similar (not dog related) and really feel for you. I think certain tactics are definitely used to intimidate and feeling horrible every time you go outside is awful. My Sister has had problems with her dog barking and she tried a dog barking collar which has been pretty effective. Maybe worth a go.

www.amazon.co.uk/dog-bark-collars/b?node=471470031&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8

I really feel for you OP.

I have similar experience but please don’t let the outcome influence you.

We have a small dog who was absolutely fine, no barking at all when we lived in our first home (rented). When we bought our first house his behaviour continued to be great, and he wouldn’t bark in the garden. The house was a new build so the property next to us was initially empty (was the showhome so had regular visitors in the garden) which my dog wasn’t interested in. Eventually a family bought the showhome (obviously it was kept till last) and they had a son who was early teens. The son would scream at all hours of the day at his parents, set fires in the garden, the father was arrested, and I once came home to find them carry out a gentleman from their home who was clearly in a drug induced state. All a pain in the arse of course, and worrying for us. My dog, and the dog on the other side of us, hated their son. If he entered he garden and my dog was outside he would go madbarking. We done similar to you and tried to address the issue but one sunny afternoon, one of their charming friends told us to ‘get that dog put down’ before he does it himself. I knew his barking had been bad and was trying to control it but I was so, so upset. Oddly, we found out the following week that I was expecting so we decided that, for us, it was time to move on. When we moved into new neighbourhood I was so nervous about any squeak my dog made. Turns out, he’s totally fine in the new house, despite next door neighbour having five kids! And you know what? There are loads of dogs in the neighbour (who all bark on occasion). Maybe we’re all just simple country folk but the noise of the children and the dogs is lovely. There is one dog in the street who barks a bit more than the others. But when we walk past and he’s barking, it’s a bit like another parent seeing a kid have a tantrum. If the owner of her dog is trying to keep the barking to a minimum then a sympathetic smile is all that’s needed.

Good for you for trying to take so many steps in helping your dog bark less. That makes you a responsible owner in my eyes! Don’t be too hard on yourself!

My neighbor has 3 dogs that bark at everything and she just lets them even at midnight and 5am when she lets them out for a wee. She won't listen to anyone who asks her to not let them carry on barking.
I think in some way your neighbors just want an excuse for their puppy's behaviour.

Let them move. Their problem. Dogs bark, it’s a fact of life. As is when I have to wear earphones and listen to music in my own garden at the weekends because neighbours have grandkids, one of which constantly screams like a feral animal and gets louder when the mother slaps him.

I'm surprised so many people don't think 5 minutes of barking is acceptable. OP find a clip on youtube of a dog Barking and play for 5 mins whilst trying to imagine working from home, having a nap or just relaxing... Annoying right?

If it's on and off Barking throughout the day it would seriously piss me off.

Why does your dog have to be outside, presumably it isn't in the winter or when it's raining.

The onus is on both dog owners to stop the barking. If they can't be outside at the same time then maybe you should agree on times of the day when they can be outside seperately.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy says socialization lessons may be handy .
We took our three month old puppy to socialization classes and he actually learned to bark, when he hadn't done it before ;-)

This is the last couple of days record of barking:

13th July 2018
10:00 - 10 seconds of barking; brought inside.
20:40 - one bark; brought inside.

14th July 2018
A number of dogs barking at circa 7am; our dog indoors asleep in our room.
10:25 two barks, excited by stick and dogs barking elsewhere. Brought in.

My dog has been out several times in th day with no issue. However my neighbour is now having a party outside in her garden and so I am too anxious to let me dog out. I’m going to walk him instead.

@givemesteel it’s 5 mins in total over the day. He has to go out to wee, that’s normal, he does it all year round and irrespective of the weather. and it’s our space so I feel he should be able to use it but not if his behaviour is unacceptable, that’s obviously not OK and requires adjustment.

Sounds odd to me. Only 5 minutes? In total over the entire course of a day..and yet the neighbours are not happy? I’m afraid it reminds me of our now thankfully ex neighbour. Every time they went out, their dog barked relentlessly..for hours on end some days. But she worked from home sometimes..and funnily enough it was never a problem when they were at home. So they could never understand why the neighbours were not happy...

The barking only started bothering them when they got their puppy, so it is their puppy that is causing stress, not your dog.

Oh, I say them, meaning that particular neighbour and her husband/partner, not them meaning all the neighbours, because I highly doubt any talking about you has been done amongst the neighbours, she was just saying that to give her lone voice the strength it does not have!

@mumto2two I don’t let the do our when we’re not here. I know where he is all the time

Five minutes seems like a very long time to hear constant barking

@bubles108 it’s not in one go. Please see my previous posts.

I have a friend with two very large Weimaraners, The younger one would bark for hours if allowed and set off the older dog. N solved it using
a collar that sprays lemon when the dog barks, which they don't.like.
After a while they learned!
Good Luck

I'm not a dog lover and hate the sound of barking, and this is one of the main reasons we now live in a house with no neighbours. It's the waiting for it that's horrible, knowing it will happen but not when. I think any barking is unacceptable when you have neighbours. Get your dog trained and tell them to do the same.

@ginghamstarfish no barking would. It be reasonable - it would be potentially damaging for both dogs. Good on you for the move though. I hope you enjoy the peace and quiet.

I think any barking is unacceptable when you have neighbours.

But can't you see this isn't reasonable and it's you that isn't suited to having neighbours. It's good that you now have none I guess. I think the OPs neighbours probably have a similar mindset to you. The fact that you are waiting for the dog to bark seems odd, I think most people can go about their day without background noise affecting them as much as it seems to affect you and OPs neighbours.

My neighbour has a huge German shepherd. She is beautiful! I can honestly tell you that I have heard her bark perhaps 3 times in the 5years we have lived here. I have no idea how they trained her not to bark but I guess it can be done.

Neighbours other side had a small happy thing that barked incessantly.

Your neighbours are being over dramatic but I guess if they were used to silence then this has upset them. If the noise of a dog worried them that much, I have to ask why they bought one themselves though...

Excuse my ignorance as I haven’t read the thread, just the Op.
it’s really hard when your dog barks and it makes you on edge about letting it do anything. We’ve got two dogs. The eldest doesn’t bark, the youngest barked at anything. Any noise at all, even the wind blowing. She just was continuous. Our neighbours complained. I was mortified.
I then researched and found a humane collar. It gives a vibration, then a high pitched noise on first/second bark. It literally stopped the barking overnight. We have none now. And that was from her barking at ANYTHING.
It’s worth a shot, as really has made a difference. I hope you can work things out.

Also agree that “all the neighbours agree” = “Mavis next door made sympathetic noises when I moaned”

Yeah if you can’t cope with any barking at all then you shouldn’t live anywhere with neighbours.

Barking isn't really 'background noise 'though, not if it's next door or just over a fence. Background noise is traffic going past, birdsong, hearing people talk as they pass by.

Their reaction is way over the top if it really is just 5 mins. Even those with the most sensitive of hearing should be able to tolerate 5 mins out of a 24 hour period.

Living within close proximity of others means that there is going to be noise and more often than not, a damn sight longer than just 5 mins.

Most dogs bark and for lots of different reasons. Mine only does so when there is a knock on the door but this is helpful for me. I am a bit deaf so I never miss a caller and more importantly, it is a warning to strangers that the house has a canine caretaker! Being at home all day on my own, I feel much safer having a dog.

If it really is as you have detailed OP, I wouldn't take any notice of them. It is totally unrealistic of them to expect you to have a mute dog. God help anyone with kids

They are not Trappist monks are they?

I am not a dog lover and I hate barking. In fact, I've just been out in my own street to locate the house of the dog that's been whining and howling since 7pm. Utterly ridiculous that I'm sat inside MY house on a hot evening with all my windows and doors closed so I don't have to listen to a whining animal whilst my selfish neighbours two doors up have every window in their property open, their dog presumably chained up inside howling while THEY go out somewhere peaceful. I tell you this to give you some idea of my very low tolerance for what in my opinion are very selfish dog owners.

Having said that, if your dog's barking is truly limited to what you describe above, and you are sure that this less than 5 minutes a day is not simply the barking THAT YOU WITNESS then I would not find that unreasonable in any way. A minor irritation perhaps, but part and parcel of living near others.

How sure are you that the 5 mins is accurate? Is your dog ever left alone? I imagine my neighbours must not be aware of the racket their dog makes because surely no one could voluntarily live with - I kid you not - constant howling for 2-3 hour stretches at various points in the day.

I can’t stand barking dogs! Could you get a trainer in for him? Also there’s a plug in thing and a spray that’s supposed to calm dogs, could you try that? Or ask your vet for tips? Xx