Devastated - should we move or AIBU?

[MisstoMrs]

I have a 4 year old dog. My neighbours have just got a new puppy. Since the new puppy arrived my dog has been able to see it through the fence and has been barking a lot. I am having someone round to replace the fence today so it is no longer semi-seethrough. I did this when we moved in 5 years ago with the rest of the fence as for some reason my dog took to barking at that side of the garden. He had never barked at neighbours before but they have a cat so that may have been a factor. Prior to the new puppy he did occasionally bark at them so we only let him in the garden when we are home (I work from home, as does my neighbour). This means we can supervise the dog and call him in if he barks. In total, on a bad day, he would bark for up 5 mins in total, between 8am and 10pm. We don’t let him out beyond those times. However, as I said, the new puppy has meant he is barking more than that at the moment and that definitely needs addressing.

Yesterday my neighbour came round to see me. She told me that the barking has been so bad since we moved in they are taking about moving, that we have ruined the quiet street, that all the neighbours agree that our dog is a problem, that he is teaching their 12 week old puppy to bark and that they are both really down about our dog barking because he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden.

I obviously don’t want them to feel any of those things but I don’t know what to do. I feel devastated that instead of talking to us they have spoken to our neighbours and left it to the point where I feel nothing we do will be enough. I don’t accept that our dog is teaching theirs to bark; it is just of an age where they learn but clearly they are blaming our dog and that is what they will believe is happening. I also don’t feel that, new puppy aside, the noise is excessive. We never leave him to bark. I can’t always race outside if he does bark because I have a baby, but he’s never there for more than one to two minutes, and as I said he is never outside when we are not there. We’re going to start recording when he barks and for how long to make sure we’re not being blind to it and ive asked them to tell me if there is a day when they think it is unacceptable.

I’m devastated and thinking of moving. I feel sick every time my dog or DD make a noise outside. AIBU?

Posting on AIBU as I want honest opinions from non dog owners but would also welcome any advice. Sorry it’s so long but didn’t want to drop feed.

Thank you.

I have a dog, she doesn't really bark except when we are about to take her out and it's more a low howl than a bark but I worry about neibours hearing it at 8am and 6pm when she goes out.
Train your dog, don't let him out and take him for longer than an hour a day for a walk or at least more than once. He may be energetic during the day.

I once lived near people who had 6 dogs who all barked excessively when going on their 3 walks a day. One of those walks was at midnight. It used to wake me up every night which with a new born wasn't easy. I agree with a PP some dog owners are oblivious to the impact their dogs have on neighbours.

I have a husky. The others day I had a visit from the dog warden to say there had been a complaint about him howling all night! This completely untrue and like you it really upset me. He sleeps all day in the garden allspice it has been hot and we cannot walk him except very early mornings and late in the evening. He comes I at night and sleeps on the c old kitchen floor. He occasionally barks if someone knocks on the door or when the window cleaner comes (he doesn't appear to like ladders). He is a very chilled dog and all the neighbours love him so it is upsetting to think people have been talking, and not the truth. The neighbours parrot makes more noise than him!! Please don't feel you have to move. Dogs bark as their way of talking and expression. If it is not excessive then continue to do as tou do and bring him/her in when you feel they have barked too much. Otherwise leve them be, you are doing no wrong.

I'm glad you're documenting barks from elsewhere with proof your dog is indoors. We had terrible trouble from a neighbour who constantly requested we close our back doors and take our dogs inside as they were barking.
We were sure they weren't, although we couldn't prove they weren't so we did as requested and apologised each time. We did suspect a dog from the street behind was the problem, but the neighbour was absolutely sure it was our dogs and contacted our landlord to that effect. Resulting in an eviction notice. I was a nervous wreck each time I had to open the patio doors it was surprisingly upsetting to anticipate complaints or aggro.
The last month we were there she banged on the door when DH was out with the dogs and very firmly told me to please take my dogs inside as the barking is unbearable and her son was sleeping. Just as DH appeared on the street with my two perfectly silent and dopey hounds on leads. Thank fuck
She scuttled off without a word but she did have the good grace to contact the landlord and admit she was mistaken. They offered us the chance to stay but I'd rather have mowed her lawn with my teeth than live next door to her tbh so we left her with the noisy dog from the street behind and got some new neighbours who were ace!

@mollywobbles82 thank you for your comment. We only let the dog outside when we are there. He is kept in otherwise and neighbour has confirmed they don’t hear him at all when indoors. That said since our conversation I am terrified and have kept all the doors and windows shut anyway.

Today we have had 7 individual barks (woof) across 4 episodes (f that makes sense). I have counted and documented them all. Two was down to other dogs barking, one was for a car alarm going off outside the house, the others were while playing with his stick. None were aimed at anyone, including the neighbour, even though they were having a party so making noise outside etc. I am really pleased with how the dog is doing but stressed beyond belief at the pressure.

You do know that in order to be classified as a nuisance a dog must regularly bark for 20 minutes at a time don't you?

You sound like a very considerate dog owner misstomrs. I doubt the level of barking you've described would even register on most people's radars. Having said that, I think it would be well advised to keep your windows shut when you're not there. You can't know he's not barking and the situation I've described shows that dog noise from inside properties can and does impact on neighbours, although obviously not these neighbours as they've said as much! Do what you can to be a good neighbour to everyone in the street and give no-one any cause for complaint.

It rather sounds like your neighbour had an unrealistic vision of dog ownership and lacks the self awareness to recognise that fact and instead is taking it out on you...

@staplescorner I did not know that - thank you! Although clearly any amount consistently would be miserable 20 mins is so far removed from where we are, never mind what we are aiming for. That is so reassuring in that we are already significantly below that, as I said, 7 individual woofs today. Could you let me know where that comes from?

Miss most local authorities have the 20 minute rule on their website.

I'd your dog big? If so when it barks it will make a fair noise. I have a Hungarian ????? dog next door. Looks a bit like a greyhound. Usually very well behaved and quite. One thing that does set her off is kids in their garden on a trampoline and biy when it barks it is loud. Sometimes left out for a good 10 mins and drives me mad. Have had dogs in the past and always went out in the garden with them never left them out on their own. Why would you? Perhaps some expert training for yours and the puppy next door needs needs some too.

We're in a very similar position. My dog goes out and does the single woofs so the 7 woofs you talk about that would probably cover him for the day. Apparently this is intolerable (I see on this thread posters have referred to 7 woofs a day as "incessant" barking )

However, my immediate neighbour has at least 6 and often double that number of dogs outside as they provide dog day care. They simply blame my dog - its their "get out of jail free" card. The neighbour at the rear has a longstanding grudge against us so every time a dog barks, he says its mine or my fault - I challenged his wife on this she shrugged and said "I don't care". But ultimately, if the neighbours want to get at you, they will

Jesus wept, if people can’t handle a few minutes here and there of barking dogs (not before 8 or after 10) they should just move to an island in the middle of nowhere. People make noise. Dogs bark. Unless it’s really excessive, you can live with it. Unless you have sensory issues.

Perhaps some expert training for yours - nope, no need, the dog goes woof, or woof woof, or maybe even woof woof woof, 2 or 3 times a day.

You could bring an expert in, give them some cash and allow them to laugh at you I suppose....

I’ve not RTFT, so apologies if this has been mentioned. We sound to be in a similar set up. My beagle used to be fine to go out for his evening wees on his own (in enclosed garden) - but then, one night, he started randomly barking. I was mortified! (There are young kids next door). Now - after 8pm - when he needs to go out, I pop his flexi-lead on. He can go and do what he needs to do. Including Important Sniffing (he’s a beagle), but any sign of nonsense barking - it’s at least easier to get him back inside!

OP could you afford to invest in some time with a professional dog trainer? I'm sure a behavioural therapist would help adjust DDog's antics try not to panic yet, your neighbour was obviously stressed, she may even feel embarrassed further down the line.
For now, unless you can be there in an instant, don't leave him out alone.

Just as a comparison, I absolutely love dogs, was brought up with them, stop to chat to any on the way to the shops, don't mind woofs BUT my next door neighbours have a DGD (dear granddog) who visits a few times a week and barks, not too excessively but fucking hell it annoys me beyond belief. I actually wince! I wonder if the pitch of certain breeds clash with some ears? He is a lovely dog but it's awful.

I think the OP has a very reasonable attitude to the problem of the barking dog and seems willing to do something about it. She has asked for honest answers.

I would just like to emphasise the absolute misery noise can cause to neighbours. Since the hot weather has started there have been continual threads on Mumsnet and Gransnet about noise, smoke and anti social behaviour outside in gardens ruining the peace of neighbours.

Yesterday afternoon it was too hot to be anywhere but outside and for hours a neighbour used a drill continuously and a small child was allowed to scream and shout without cessation.

Our neighbours have a dog but, thank goodness, he almost never barks as they have trained him well.

I suspect the OP has underestimated the barking times as she loves her dog and it is awkward to leave the baby to silence the dog.

I suggest, though, that she mends the fence as a priority so her dog can not see the puppy, gets the dog trained and stops it barking the minute it starts. Someone posted about a collar which can be bought to deter barking which sounds like an excellent idea too.

When I was teaching we had a silent staff room where any amount of human interaction was encouraged but radios or music were forbidden. When the newbies arrived and tried to sort out the old fogies by playing their music or the cricket commentary publicly it was pointed out that contrary tastes could be catered for much more loudly. The prospect of having to listen to opera at full volume soon taught them that we all give up a few personal rights and pleasures for the sake of the comfort of all.

The OP needs to imagine how she would feel if someone moved in next door who liked to play heavy metal at three in the morning over which she had no control which will give her some insight into how her neighbours feel about the barking dog.

I detest barking dogs! It's such an annoying shrill sound, even 5 mins a day. It's completely unacceptable to let your dog bark at neighbours in their own garden or at their puppy. I would feel like I couldn't use my garden too, as it's like a car alarm going off or someone shouting abuse at you when you step outside. I would be yelling 'shut up!' Every time your dog barked at me! I think your neighbour's have been very tolerant so far. I expect the neighbour's on the other sides are fed up too.

I think you have 4 options here: train your dog not to bark, prevent her barking with a muzzle, move to a house with more land, or re home her.

Try giving him a stuffed kong only when hes outside stuff it with peanut butter hopefully he will concerntrate on that and not the barking at others

They are being dramatic if you live near people there will be noise. Both neighbours have dogs and they bark all the time . I sometimes have music on in the garden at the weekend . I don't feel bad about it because I have to listen to their dogs ( they probably don't see it like that because I think a lot of dog owners learn to zone out their noise but I have listened to it !) it's give And take isn't it .

@mommy03 that’s a good idea. We have been using toys / sticks but hadn’t thought of a kong.

@teacher22 I know exactly what nuisance noise is like. The same neighbours had a very noisey hobby that often woke my DD up as a baby. I never complained because we have to live together and I respect that people will occasionally make noise. These neighbours use their garden for several hours most days and interestingly have not complained to their friends next door who also have dogs that bark. Yesterday they barked through their dinner outside. Apparently this was not a problem.

@onestepsideways even if I remove my dog, which I am not going to do, they have dogs the other side and across the street which bark. I’m happy to manage my dog but removing him won’t solve other dogs barking at them.

The OP needs to imagine how she would feel if someone moved in next door who liked to play heavy metal at three in the morning over which she had no control which will give her some insight into how her neighbours feel about the barking dog.

Have you read the thread? How does a dog barking for up to 5 minutes over a whole day (the OP has described one day since monitoring as 7 individual woofs spread over many hours) compare to heavy metal music at 3am ? The OP is on edge and very tuned in to any noise her family and dog are making at the moment so I don't think she is 'underestimating the barking'.

Reading this thread has made me realise 2 things. One is that there are some seriously intolerant/sensitive people around and two, I absolutely love my neighbours !

Whoever said one option is to rehome the dog......seriously ? for minimal barking, you think it's acceptable to just get rid of a loved dog ?

Calling your dog in won't really teach him to stop barking. You need him on a lunge line in the garden and the first bark he gets a correction 'No!' Or 'ah ah!' And you pick up the lunge line and get him straight in. Once inside ignore him completely for 2-5 mins and then try again outside. The reason for the lunge line is because even if he's 40 feet away he gets the immediate reaction to his behaviour even if he's not listening to you.

I lived near a badly dog in my last house and my neighbour would call her dog's name feebly but not really do much. It was awful. I didn't think I minded but in hindsight it completely destroyed our enjoyment of the garden. We have been in our new place over a year and still rarely use the garden because I'm so used to it being a bad experience I have dogs and if another barks at them one will bark back the others ignore. I can tell him to quiet and he will straight away though. Someone a few doors down has a howly beagle but it's not too bad because it's usually a reaction to my dogs playfighting or something not just anyone being outside.

@orcinusorca it’s hirribke that you don’t want to use your garden. I love mine and have done a huge amount to it since we moved in some years ago. As a result my dog is often outside. He does not consistently bark at people but when he dies we do tell him no and pick him up. At the moment i am teaching him to simply not go into that part of that garden as next door are teaching their dog to wee against that fence which I think will antagonise him.

I think you ndn is unhinged! I suspect that when the puppy does start barking as it grows - which it will. They will start to blame you. 5-10 mins barking per day is not excessive. My dog probably does 5 mins. If he hears someone on the front etc. It's what dogs do. I don't complain when my neighbours are messing with motorbikes etc or cats shitting in garden full of worms or leaving dead animals. It's called living in a community isn't it? I would speak to a few other neighbours see what their take is on it x

Thanks for checking back in @perfectly1mperfect I feel better now we are building a picture of what it is like, accepting that we are working hard so it is much better than it was before. I was really down last night when I realised they were planning to sit out all night with their friends & dog in the garden but we made ourselves sit out too with the dog. He barked twice, neither time at them. If that’s too much for them then we’ll never do enough. We just need to accept that, or move. I wonder if I need to stop being so strict with myself as well, just to show that we do try very hard. For example, I work from home a lot but never work from, or make calls in the garden, or have the radio on (radio 4, not loud) when I’m outside doing the gardening. Other neighbours regularly do both.

AIBU to think my boyfriends comments are arrogant- during a game of football down the park he won and he said "I always win at everything in life" .. it was sort of jojey but he generally think very highly of himself.. so this comment made me cringe

It sounds minor and petty but he has a v good job car pension and at 40 has paid off a lot of his huge mortgage on his big house so yes he is doing well in that side of life but i hate that hes a trumpet blower!

He's also said things like he thinks hes a better partner than most men (when he does stuff around the house).

He discusses his pension n mortgages with his dad in front of everyone.

He says he knows he has arrogant stresks and that theres nothing wrong with confidence (ive tried to explain the difference). Hes not rude to waiters etc hes just a trumpet blower and i cringe.

The first time he met my parents he arrived one hour late (no reason), didnt apologise and when he left said jokingly to my dad "so as i like to say Alan, im not always right... just most of the time"... cringe!!!

Could u put up with this???