Devastated - should we move or AIBU?

[MisstoMrs]

I have a 4 year old dog. My neighbours have just got a new puppy. Since the new puppy arrived my dog has been able to see it through the fence and has been barking a lot. I am having someone round to replace the fence today so it is no longer semi-seethrough. I did this when we moved in 5 years ago with the rest of the fence as for some reason my dog took to barking at that side of the garden. He had never barked at neighbours before but they have a cat so that may have been a factor. Prior to the new puppy he did occasionally bark at them so we only let him in the garden when we are home (I work from home, as does my neighbour). This means we can supervise the dog and call him in if he barks. In total, on a bad day, he would bark for up 5 mins in total, between 8am and 10pm. We don’t let him out beyond those times. However, as I said, the new puppy has meant he is barking more than that at the moment and that definitely needs addressing.

Yesterday my neighbour came round to see me. She told me that the barking has been so bad since we moved in they are taking about moving, that we have ruined the quiet street, that all the neighbours agree that our dog is a problem, that he is teaching their 12 week old puppy to bark and that they are both really down about our dog barking because he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden.

I obviously don’t want them to feel any of those things but I don’t know what to do. I feel devastated that instead of talking to us they have spoken to our neighbours and left it to the point where I feel nothing we do will be enough. I don’t accept that our dog is teaching theirs to bark; it is just of an age where they learn but clearly they are blaming our dog and that is what they will believe is happening. I also don’t feel that, new puppy aside, the noise is excessive. We never leave him to bark. I can’t always race outside if he does bark because I have a baby, but he’s never there for more than one to two minutes, and as I said he is never outside when we are not there. We’re going to start recording when he barks and for how long to make sure we’re not being blind to it and ive asked them to tell me if there is a day when they think it is unacceptable.

I’m devastated and thinking of moving. I feel sick every time my dog or DD make a noise outside. AIBU?

Posting on AIBU as I want honest opinions from non dog owners but would also welcome any advice. Sorry it’s so long but didn’t want to drop feed.

Thank you.

So sorry .. ive posted in the wrong place :-/ pls ignorr

One of my complete “no-nos” is any adult who thinks him/herself always right. Tedious, dismissive, a cop out - and whatever the reason, I switch off. I get that he/she may be deeply insecure —or horribly arrogant—. The complete deal-breaker for me.

Sorry, wrong thread, wrong, wrong, wrong. Again.

There are bark collars you can get that spray a harmless spray when they bark but is apparently a smell they don't like, to train them to bark less. My friend used one and it worked well.
Negative reinforcement is not an acceptable training method, vets and accredited behaviourists will be able to help with training.
But really what exactly did your neighbours think would happen if the got a puppy? They bark it’s how they communicate for crying out loud! While I agree that constant barking is annoying, you rushing out to your dog every time he asked a sound is only going to reinforce his belief that he needs to react to his situation. I’d try a new fence, distraction techniques and some proper training.

Stick a muzzle on him when he goes out there !! Sorted ....

Fgs how dramatic for a few minutes of dog barking. Dogs do bark, what a surprise!
My dog knows as soon as she barks she is coming indoors but guess what she still does it.
Tell them to fuck off somewhere with no neighbours and I bet their dog still barks.

I really wish people would read the thread before they post. Those anti bark collars ARE NOT A GOOD IDEA. In fact they are an awful idea. They are not teaching a dog not to bark they are scaring a dog. That has been said by myself and at least one other poster and yet still people come on to say it.

Now we are getting people say "muzzle the dog". Good grief I am so glad I don't live next to any of you idiots,

Why the hell should a dog be muzzled? Shall I suggest to my neighbour that the muzzle their child that screams, cries, whines so much? Shall I also suggest that all the young children should never ever be allowed outside without at least one parent being with them? My dogs are allowed to come and go outside if I am home which is most of the time. I have the back door open and they can choose where they want to be. They rarely bark but if they do I go out to them. I am not keeping them in or only taking them in the garden on a lead because of miserable moaning people who have no idea.

Yes a dog barking all the time is annoying (although OP's dog is not barking all the time) but so is kids screaming for ages, motor bikes revving or driving up and down the same bit of road, loud music, people in their gardens talking at the tops of their voices etc etc. If you have neighbours there will be some noise

Sounsure777 I'd recommend one of those collars that deliver a minor shock to a person whenever he makes an arseholey comment. In addition, throw him a Smartie when he displays humility. You'll soon see a change.

You might also consider enrolling him in a training course--a good instructor will teach you other ways to instil good behaviour and improve his social skills by extinguishing his instinct to dominate. Good luck.

really wish people would read the thread before they post.
Sorry didn’t actually read any further because it annoys me beyond belief when I see crap like the anti-bark collar being praised! Just had to chip my two pennies in 😂
And as for the muzzle, they are to stop dogs injuring themselves or others, prevent wound interference or stop scavenging. Not going to do anything for a barking dog.

@ushuaiamonamour you definitly win best comment on the thread!

It’s easy to see the dog owners in some of these posts.

Miss, I really feel for you! I agree with others, sounds like you are doing all the right things with recording any barking and being with your dog outside.

With regards to the anxiety you are feeling about the situation (understandably), I really think you will feel better if you speak with all your neighbours, including the batshit ones unfortunately. Otherwise you are sort of feeling guilty and watched, potentially needlessly.

It really sounds like majority of your neighbours don’t have a problem, otherwise why would one keep biscuits for your dog! I would just check in with them all and say you have been worrying after (crazy) neighbour’s comment. I bet they will tell you not to worry. Also speak to other dog owning neighbors, particularly the ones friends with your crazy neighbour, see what they say? Did you say their dogs bark? Surely they will realise how mad it is for your dog to not be allowed to do a single woof? Maybe go with your partner if you are really nervous about confrontation?

And you do need to positively stand your ground with your next door neighbour and politely say you have checked with other neighbors, no one else has a problem, you’re aware there are other dogs in the neighbourhood and think they may be confusing where noise coming from as you have a log of your dog’s barking- and maybe again propose introducing the dogs as soon as possible! My 25 kg lab size one year old has met lots of small puppies with no problem. Surely they realise the dogs and you getting on is the best for everyone?

Sorry epic post, I really hope you get out and talk to people and it allays your fears!

Sorry, nrtft yet. We have a neighbour who has 8 dogs. They never take them out for a walk and their back doors are open all day long so the fmdigs have free run of garden from about 8.30am to about 9pm ish every day. Four years ago I complained as they were forever barking and when the owners went out they were constantly barking and howling all day long (I was home from work with a broken foot). Ever since then, someone is home with them most of the time so hardly any barking etc whilst shut in. When they bark etc in the garden, one of them usually shouts at the dog barking kwhich is worse than the dog barking!). But they are much more controlled now and the odd barking is OK.
A friend of mine invested in a water pistol and every time her dog barked it got squirted, it worked and it no longer barks!

Fmdigs?? Lol.... Dogs!

@icanttakemuchmore I’m glad things have improved for you. I do think, in general, put politely, most people will do their best to help if you find something you / your pet / your child is / are doing is annoying or upsetting them. I’m afraid I’m not prepared to start squirting my dog with a water pistol though. Personally I think that would br unkind and damage our relationship. As it is he is responding to positive encouragement to stay away from that part of the garden, and not to bark. He goes straight in now if he barks without me needing to do more than give the command. I hope that with some more positive re-inforcement it will stop being an issue. The relationship with the neighbour is likely to need more work, sadly.

Dogs sometimes bark. I'm mildly baffled by posters insisting you 'do something' to stop your dog barking. You're probably doing all you can by the sounds of it, and your neighbours will probably realise that when their pup grows up and barks now and again.

Yes I'm a dog owner tweez. Do you want me to say a dog woofing 7 times a day is a big deal?
Someone's life has got to be pretty pathetic if they have time to worry about 7 woofs 😂😂
A dog over the road from me barks incessantly but I feel sorry for the dog rather than annoyed by it.

Some of these replies are as bonkers as the neighbours

7 woofs a day during waking hours = heavy metal playing at 3 am 😭
Suggesting rehoming the dog 😭

And no I am not a dog owner and yes I am not tolerant of excessive noise but as others have said if you live in proximity to other people normal every day life has a level of noise which may include the odd dog bark. The OP has posted the neighbour was having a party in her garden last night - it’s hardly likely that was completely silent and tends to show that the enjoyment of their garden can’t be affected that much 🙄

OMG
Some people are so damn clueless when it comes to dogs. Some suggestions are just insane.
Dogs bark, that’s how they communicate. They might be saying come and play, or I want to come in. Or alerting us to something they find suspicious
Dogs bark, people talk (buslhit a lot clearly but they do sadly talk)
Seriously I am so freaking glad I do t live anywhere near any of you deluded lot.
Spray collars, maybe you should try it yourself. Might do wonders and stop you from talking shit.
And the person who said get the dog in immediately as they start barking, like straight away and teach him barking is not to be done in a fun place.
Oh dear god- I am just so glad you don’t have a dog. Poor poor dog.
It’s like saying you should never be allowed to laugh loud as your need to learn that laughing when having fun is just not acceptable. Put a muzzle on that should help
Blimey, this thread really got up my nose. Grrrrr I am extremely lucky you nasties live nowhere near me

Hello. I do dog training - recent completed a dog behaviour course. I would say: you're going to get a ton of conflicting advice on here that might not be helpful. I would find yourself a good dog trainer who can come to your home (look for force-free, reward based trainers.) Your dog can probably be trained not to bark in this situation. Talk to to your neighbour and say this is what you are doing.

The reason dog training advice over Internet threads might not be helpful is because it's more helpful to see the behaviour in this environment -especially if it's very specific to a place and other dog.

You poor thing. And your poor dog. Lots of dogs like barking - it's a key communication tool. But really hard when it's affecting others and you end up feeling nervous.

Happy to chat more.

These neighbours use their garden for several hours most days and interestingly have not complained to their friends next door who also have dogs that bark. Yesterday they barked through their dinner outside. Apparently this was not a problem.

That IS interesting. Ask them straight what is the difference between this dog barking and yours.

As for people suggesting rehoming, get a fucking grip.

Also, just to be clear. I don't think you need to find someone so that you can completely stop your dog barking - there's nothing wrong with a bit of barking and it would be unethical to try and prevent any dog from barking completely. I'm suggesting a trainer so that you can feel more confident and in control of the situation.

Also a trainer might reasurre you that nothing very out of the ordinary is happening! Good luck.

Bananarama12, I’m just eluding to the fact that there are some dog owners, who have dogs that bark and are not controlled, but are oblivious to how they may affect others. Be it one woof or seven, or 700. Your post simply says what I was suspecting, that you don’t understand the effect it can have. I speak from experience I’m afraid. Some people may never understand the effect it has on others and that is obvious from some of these posts. It’s not the dog’s fault, it’s the owners. The Op just needs to get their dog trained and I hope that sorts out the issue.

Massive overreactions here

I have an older dog who isn’t a barker. Neighbour has puppy. It barks. Wakes me daily. Barks at my dog. They are socialising it and it’s getting better

Your dog and the pup need a few play dates!

@Tweez I am sorry you’ve been in the receding end of a barking dog that isn’t controlled; any repeated noise that is loud enough to be disruptive to day to day life is horrible.

I am doing what I can to ensure that barking is a minimum, but I have to be honest, as I was with my neighbour, and say not no barking at all is unrealistic. We have had a very bad morning here in that the dog barked 6 times when I opened the back door as he was keen to get out so I am feeling awful.