To be annoyed at note from neighbour

[stretchmarkqueenie]

We've received a note from our ndn saying they will be having a party in a couple of weeks and want to give us a 'heads up that there will be music late into the night'. AIBU to think that if they want to have a late loud party they should hire a venue? I'm assuming the note is because we complained to them after their previous party was music until 3am and a food fight that meant our garden got covered in litter and food. We have young children, as do many of the other surrounding neighbours (the neighbours in question don't have children), it is generally a peaceful area. Are we now expected to spend the night away to get a nights sleep or should they be more conscientious neighbours?

@notasgreen 👏🏻
I was just going to say, where do we draw the line?
I find it inconvenient that my next door neighbour rents her property via air bnb. Random people constantly coming and going. But it’s legal and none of my business really.
I find it inconvenient that the dustbin men come at 6am but it’s their job and someone has to have their rubbish collected at that time.
I find it inconvenient when my neighbours children bounce on the trampoline. I’m being a twat so I keep my mouth shut.
I find it inconvenient that the postman wakes up my baby when he buzzes for next doors packages. But I do it as I’m a good neighbour.
I find it inconvenient that my neighbour doesn’t pull up her weeds on her path, therefore blocking my right of way. I just do it myself.

I could go on. The point is is that at some point we all inconvenience each other. Sometimes we need to just suck it up.

I would send a note back thanks for letting me know I will give you a knock if it wakes the kids have fun.

food fight that meant our garden got covered in litter and food.

That's not on!

I couldn’t give two hoots if someone has the occasional party into the late hours.

The flip side of this is our daft neighbours who came round to say they were have a Sunday afternoon party and would we please NO music in our garden as they didn’t like our taste!!! Seriously our taste is so varied and we play every genre available. We always have our music on shuffle so never is a style or era repeated!
Some people are just weird! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

YABU. Life's for living. If you can go and live in the middle of nowhere that's the only way you can guarantee people won't keep you up with noise now and again. Are you invited? If so, go!

BUT, I agree with you on the rubbish. Although I would probably just pick it up and forget it in five minutes.

What on earth has happened to the idea of common neighbourly courtesy? It is absolutely NOT ok to keep others awake out of a selfish desire to drink merrily into the night, forewarned or not. I am appalled by all the posters who think the OP is being unreasonable to want a decent nights sleep in her own home without having to move out for the night. This shows how little
consideration most people have for manners and decent behaviour. Keeping others awake without due consideration is simply selfish and there is no excuse. Take your noise indoors and reduce it to a reasonable level otherwise be reported to the council.

Good grief! Life must be very boring with some of you lot as neighbours
We had a party last week, started off as a barbecue in the afternoon and just carried on, last guests left about 1am
We tried not to be excessively noisy, not one neighbour complained, just as we would never complain if they did the same

@rosita shouldn’t common courtesy be to allow your neighbours to have a party once a year?
Wouldn’t consideration be to respect the fact that they paid for their property/land and should be allowed to enjoy one evening.

I am honestly shocked that some people thinks it’s unacceptable to have a gathering/party. Genuinely gobsmacked. House party, bbq, christening, birthday, anniversary, funeral etc. Have posters honestly never gone to one of those occasions in someone’s home. Some people can’t afford a venue. Coming from someone who hates a party I can honestly say I have attending all of the above gatherings at someone’s house.

Semi detached living = have some courtesy and hire a venue/go out. I'd be having a chat with the neighbour and asking them to negotiate a bit.

@Londonerlove
I completely am on board with the fact that people have the right to have social gatherings / parties in their own home. But we all live virtually on top of each other so being considerate is massively important and if some people don’t do that, it’s a nightmare for everyone. So yes, have people round, have fun but be mature about it and keep the noise down so it’s not heard outside after 11. Perfectly reasonable.

To clarify, It was outdoor noise (music and shouting) until 3am - this is not the kind of noise you can sleep through.

And this is why they are being unreasonable. The neighbourhood should not be forced to lie awake until 3am just because these people want to party. In the still of the night sound travels even further than usual, and I would imagine a good number of households will be inconvenienced.
As has been said, some people may have to get up early for shift work, or for any number of valid reasons - potentially on little or no sleep. I
It is just not on.

@rosita that’s fair. You sounded as if you were totally against any party at someone’s home.
I honestly wouldn’t mind if it went on early hours in the morning. I have people living above and below with paper thin walls. But for most it’s once in a blue moon. My neighbour parties quite a bit, but it doesn’t bother me.
I would mind if it was student accommodation and your talking 2-3 times a week. I definitely wouldn’t be happy about that!

I am honestly shocked that some people thinks it’s unacceptable to have a gathering/party. Genuinely gobsmacked.

You are over-simplifying the issue. It's not the gathering per se, but the loud music and shouting in the garden until 3am, as well as the food-fights resulting in litter in the OP's garden that is unacceptable.

I am honestly shocked that some people thinks it’s unacceptable to have a gathering/party. Genuinely gobsmacked

I have absolutely no issue with a gathering/party. I have every issue with one that disturbs the neighbours past a reasonable hour.

We tried not to be excessively noisy, not one neighbour complained, just as we would never complain if they did the same.

They may well have not been terribly happy about it, though: you know how the British are not good at complaining - suffering in silence, and all that.

Plus, you have said you tried not to be "excessively noisy", which shows a degree of consideration for others. Furthermore, there is a world of difference between a 1am finish and a 3am finish.

Also, I’m fairly sure that people who have been drinking for a few hours are not the best judge of what is an excessive level of noise anyway.

I think it's fine as long as they don't make a mess again. You could maybe also ask that they move music inside after 11 or 12.

I've had sleep disturbed by diy, kids crying and parties from time to time.

So do the posters who think the neighbours have done nothing wrong think the food fight with rubbish ending up in OPs garden was acceptable? That would piss me off more than the noise to be honest. As I said in an earlier post they would get the hose on them if it happened again and any rubbish would be collected and returned to them. At 6.30 the following morning. At the front door after I'd rung the bell and knocked.

Yabu, I'm sure that your young kids have made plenty of noise that annoyed them in the past. As long as they don't make a mess again I can't get worked up about this. Live and let live.

This is very current for me. I think you have to let it go because they've warned you.

I have a party every couple of years with ample warning to all NDNs and offers to join in. Plus it doesn't go on past 1 am max.

However... last night I think our NDNs were away and they have a DS about 21 or so and he had friends round and it went on until 3.30am. No warning. I'd got back from a 4 hour drive, I live somewhere very very quiet and I am absolutely knackered because the deep bass note just went on and on and on... I moved everywhere in the house to sleep but it didn't work.

So if someone tells you, in my book, you just have to suck it up.

The mess is absolutely not ok... music till 3am though, I’d be ok with occasionally, especially if I’d been forewarned.

Like I said previously, I’d much rather that than the currently constant baby crying next door.

3am is being unreasonable but not much you can do about it. You say you don't want to come across as a "party pooper" but that is exactly why you are being!

*what not why

Loud music, shouting in a garden after 1 am is not on, no matter how often your ndns have a party. As to a mess in your garden that is just awful. Would go and speak with them saying oh sure your party will be fine as no doubt it will finish no later 1 am and you will remember about the mess in the garden, that obviously won't be happening again, will it???? Keep the noise indoors after midnight.