To be annoyed at note from neighbour

[stretchmarkqueenie]

We've received a note from our ndn saying they will be having a party in a couple of weeks and want to give us a 'heads up that there will be music late into the night'. AIBU to think that if they want to have a late loud party they should hire a venue? I'm assuming the note is because we complained to them after their previous party was music until 3am and a food fight that meant our garden got covered in litter and food. We have young children, as do many of the other surrounding neighbours (the neighbours in question don't have children), it is generally a peaceful area. Are we now expected to spend the night away to get a nights sleep or should they be more conscientious neighbours?

I have to live under regular parties and rarely get sleep. Your neighbour is being considerate, as long as it is a rarity. My neighbour threatens me with more parties, if I dare complain. Obviously the rubbish was not good. 1 night will not kill you and if you are tired, you will sleep anyway. it is summer, I suspect they could be a annoyed with screaming kids playing outside loudly all day, we have to make allowances both ways.

What lovely neighbours. Have you never hosted a party or been to a party in the garden in the summer that went on a bit late or became a little noisy.

Occasional noise should be expected, it a regular occurrence then complain but let a one off go

Thanks so much for your advance warning. It's reminded me that we're hosting a bouncy castle party the following morning for thirty 6 year olds. Guests are due from 9am and will probably continue bouncing their little hearts out until late into the afternoon, fuelled as they will be by coca cola and Haribo."

I would add

"Each child will be supplied with a small but loud trumpet, and a drum. Thank you for your tolerance."

whats the difference between a childless couple wanting to sleep in till dinner and your kids are making noise in the morning. Yes it's during the day but it's the same thing we all think our needs trump other peoples. sometime i think we just have to suck it up and tolerate each other . This comes from when i used to work till 2.30 am got home at 3 and next doors kids would be screaming in the garden at 8am. had to survive on 5 hour sleep many a day .

3am is taking the piss. Nice they sent a note, but that doesn't excuse them being arseholes.

Midnight/1am is late enough for music.

YABU! Its their home, they have the right to have a party when they want one. They have given you warning, which is very respectful.
I have 3 children under 5. My neighbour can party till 7am. It’s not ideal but it’s her home and I’m slightly jealous she still has the stamina to party all night when she’s in her 40’s.
There are bigger problems in this world than your neighbours enjoying themselves. Be grateful you don’t live next door to a squat or student house. If you did, then I would be sympathetic.

Its their home, they have the right to have a party when they want one

Of course. Why does a party need to disrupt all your neighbours?

Giving warning doesn't give them the right to inconvenience you regardless of how often they do it, and certainly not until 3am.

@jaques hence the note. Is it that inconvenient for a neighbour to have a party? If the neighbour feels that inconvenienced then they can spend an evening at the in laws. By the sound of the OP it looks like it’s once a year.
I’m sitting in my garden at the moment and can hear my neighbours a few doors down, they’ve been out there all day having a bbq.
Shall we not allow children’s birthday parties, children playing in the garden, bbq’s, dinner parties. The list can go on. All the above can inconvenience neighbours.

Is it that inconvenient for a neighbour to have a party?

No, provided it doesn’t inconvenience the people you live close to.

Shall we not allow children’s birthday parties, children playing in the garden, bbq’s, dinner parties. The list can go on. All the above can inconvenience neighbours

I’ve had all the above. None of which inconvenienced my neighbours. They have had the same. None of which inconvenienced us. Because we’re reasonable and considerate

My neighbours inconvenience me everyday. I probably inconvenience them but I’m not going to knock on their door and say your kids are having too much fun on their trampolines at 8pm. It may be my kids one day. Are you telling me you have never hosted a party?

Are you telling me you have never hosted a party?

Of course I have. I said in the post above. I have never hosted a party that involved disturbing the neighbours

@jacques it’s subjective. Depending on the neighbours. I find children’s parties inconvenient, including my own, but I also know I am being unreasonable. Which I think OP is.

Depending on the neighbours. I find children’s parties inconvenient

The two parties I had here were whilst my neighbours were at work. They definitely weren’t inconvenienced subjectively or otherwise

@jacques you don’t know that you haven’t inconvenienced your neighbours. They are probably being polite, something OP should do.
If you have had a party with music then it is exactly the same situation. It is all dependent on the type of neighbours you have.

Where we used to live the previous neighbours were twats and then they moved out and it was rented to a young couple with no kids (although they had toys and stuff in the house but never any kids around which I thought odd) and one night last summer they threw an enormous very noisy party where the music didn't go down until 1am but the party wall was thin anyways so the talking was very loud and audible not to mention people climbing in and out of the front windows and the yelling from the male guests and it wasn't until 5am it finally was totally finished and quiet. There was no note through the door to warn us, in fact they never said two words to us the whole time we lived there. Having any form of a word with them would have been impossible as the male guests rowdiness was intimidating and the man of the couple was intimidating even when sober as he once slammed the front door so hard it rocked our house and frightened me and he really didn't look like the kinda man you could have any words with.

OP, YANBU. If they want to party until 3am then they need to hire a venue or a marquee in a field so they won't disturb anyone and if they want to have those kind of parties then perhaps they need a house in the middle of nowhere not where they have to be mindful of their neighbours. The note through the door is courtesy but doesn't give them permission to behave how they like or excuse it. If anything ends up in your garden throw it back. Grown adults having food fights is childish not to mention a waste of food. It's hellish having to sit through a neighbours loud party. If you can get away on a trip for the night to avoid it then do but the note doesn't make it acceptable to party that late,anything past 11pm is too much.

On a side note the party that was next door to our previous house I'm not sure if they had another(although I recall karaoke one night past 11pm once) as until we moved there was just the one as we moved out in October but the day we moved out, when all the removal men had gone they put their music up loud and the new people weren't moving in that day anyways. They've since moved out and it looks from what I heard that they might have been asked to leave.

Our current neighbours had a party during the winter which went quiet after 10pm and one that ended at 1am in May but it was only talking and games and shouting out the back,the music went down then off earlier.

Our neighbours here(young couple, they had 2 lodgers but the other girl recently moved out) at least say hello apart from their other lodger.

If you have had a party with music then it is exactly the same situation

Of course not: I have a volume switch which I put to good use.

My neighbours are having a gathering this afternoon. They too appear to have a volume switch as I’ve heard nothing.

It’s perfectly possible to be mindful of your neighbours.

@jaques there’s a difference in blasting loud music and having music on. OP never said that the last party was loud. They said the party will be loud but they don’t know that. The fact the neighbours have posted a note through the door then I’m sure they will be happy to turn music down at a certain time. They don’t sound unreasonable at all. OP does as she/he isn’t happy with a party at all.

“Heads up there will be music late into the night”

Clearly intending it to be loud otherwise why would they need to warn her.

Yeah music, not loud music. As you’ve said there is a volume control!

@Londonerlove

There would be no need to want the neighbour if it wasn’t audible

Clearly you’re happy to inconvenience your neighbours. Your call. I live somewhere where we’re mindful of living in proximity to other people and it makes it much more pleasant.

Unless it’s every week, yabu. It’s one night, live and let live. Buy earplugs.

@jaques of audible does not equal loud.
I NEVER host parties, I hate partying. I have 3 children under 5. But I respect the fact that my neighbours may enjoy a party once in a while. It works both ways. One day OP may want to host a party or bbq. What if their neighbour works nights and all they can hear is music from OP garden at 1pm.

@jaques our neighbours all get on very well and we are extremely respectful to one another. Each year we shut off our street for a street party. If someone gave us notice of a party they were hosting I wouldn’t dream of complaining.

I’m thinking of knocking on NDN in the early hours and asking them to turn their baby down.

It’s been frequently waking me up over the last few months and I haven’t had a hint of a note.

If hiring a venue to make noise is the general consensus then I’d have expected them to book somewhere long before now.

Or.... I could accept that people have different priorities depending on their lifestyle, and you can’t please all of the people all of the time 🤷🏻‍♀️

If that baby was only till 3am once in a blue moon I’d thank my lucky stars!