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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are these rules for my lodger too harsh?

512 replies

southatsea · 12/07/2018 07:34

I have a lodger but he has complained that my rules are too strict. So looking to canvas opinion on them!

No loud music or loud TV after 10pm
No smoking
Has to ask my permission before having friends to stay
Use of the bathroom, kitchen and living room but can't use the bathroom between 0645 and 0700 (when I need it to get ready for work)
Plates cutlery etc to be brought downstairs on the day they are used eg no hoarding in bedrooms.

Do these sound too harsh? His room is well furnished with a sofa, double bed, tv etc and I charge below market rent.

OP posts:
ciderhouserules · 12/07/2018 13:27

And indeed you can - you just have to arrange it first. ONSs and casual sex partners in my house? NO! A regular partner, when I know he's here EOW, OK. Any other time, just let me know.

How can you not understand that? Would you want to come across a total stranger in your kitchen/bathroom or, more relevantly, for your kids to come across a total stranger in the house?

ciderhouserules · 12/07/2018 13:28

And NONE of these rules are restrictive. They are normal, common sense and consideration.

Have you ever let a room in your house? Wouldn't you want the same consideration? How can you think these rules are draconian? They apply to anyone in the house, lodger or teenager or me!

RaininSummer · 12/07/2018 13:32

Bringing randoms to my house for sex is pretty much why the check about friends in advance rule is in place. No-one in their right mind wants unknown people in their homes overnight.

glintandglide · 12/07/2018 13:34

Are you always so aggressive cider?

It’s not about understanding, it’s about disagreeing. I disagree with you. It’s allowed.

KurriKurri · 12/07/2018 13:36

It sounds like normal house sharing courtesy to me. Als sounds as if you have had to spell some things out (like the plate hoarding) because he is devoid of common sense.

None of them are restrictive - I would guess perhaps it is the no friends staying over without permission he is complaining about - but it's your home, you have a right to decide who stays or not. You don;t want his girl/boyfriend for instance staying for ages, using all your facilities and not paying for them.

Minanka · 12/07/2018 13:40

I don't even own a chopping board. Never have. I use scissors to cut chicken etc straight into the pan or, if I'm using a knife, I cut straight on the kitchen sides and anti-bac it afterwards.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 12/07/2018 13:45

Thr only one I would quibble over was permission for guests. I'd want to know he were intending to have guests, but not actual permission.
I was in a house share where the flat was owned by one resident. We all worked standard office hours so we had a bathroom schedule which worked well, rather than someone being late for work because flatmate was hogging the shower. (we did have a second separate loo)

liverbird10 · 12/07/2018 13:47

many lodgers are not allowed in the living room

Seriously? I've never heard such lunacy in my life. That's an absurd rule. Confused

SandyFagina · 12/07/2018 13:52

Lights out at 10pm and restrictions over when you're allowed to have a shit, as well as asking permission to have a guest in the room you are paying for are not reasonable rules.

Troika · 12/07/2018 13:54

None of those rules are unreasonable OP. Yes a lot of them should be common courtesy but it’s surprising how little regard some people have for others so yes sometimes they do need to be spelled out. It makes life a lot simpler if the expectations are there in black and white from the beginning.

A lot of posters on this thread seem to be confusing lodger with housemate, they’re not the same thing at all!

ballseditupagain · 12/07/2018 13:54

I think it's fine. Taking in a lodger is very different than being a landlord - your lodger is living in your home so needs to abide by your rules or live somewhere else.

Lweji · 12/07/2018 13:57

A lot of posters on this thread seem to have trouble reading.

lights out at 10 That's exactly what the OP said.

trojanpony · 12/07/2018 14:06

None of these rules are weird at all.
I had similar requirements but didn’t need to explain stuff like no loud music post 10 (because it’s obvious).

Get a new lodger he sounds not great

Jaxhog · 12/07/2018 14:06

I'm actually astonished that anyone would think these unreasonable! Do you live in houses with no rules at all then?

Most of the rules were in place before the lodger agreed to live there. The only additional ones have arisen because of his behaviour i.e. not returning plates and using the bathroom at an awkward time. She's only asking for a fixed 15 minutes!

cutitout · 12/07/2018 14:08

Your house your rules. None of them are unreasonable. Yes the lodger pays to live there but that's it. It's not his house. if he needs freedom to do whatever he wants then he can go rent a studio or something. He is getting cheap rent and all the cleaning sorted. Plus if you had to tell him to bring his plates down and he is objecting to the common courtesy rules then that itself shows that he needs these rules. If he is not happy then he can leave and you should get a new lodger.

AmericanEskimoDoge · 12/07/2018 14:08

YANBU. Your house, your rules. If he doesn't like your rules, there's nothing to stop him from seeking accommodation elsewhere. It's not like you've got the only room in town.

Being banned from the bathroom for fifteen specific minutes of the day isn't some terrible hardship. Of course it's not first come first served, under the circumstances (i.e. it's the OP's house). Mr. Lodger knows the rule and can schedule his morning routine around it. Surely it's not that big of an inconvenience, anyway. Either get up a few minutes later so he'll be finished and out in time or have breakfast/sleep a bit longer until the OP is finished.

loveyouradvice · 12/07/2018 14:13

It seems like you've lost sight of the fact that it is this mans home too. He is paying to live there. If I got this list of orders and then was additionally told I couldn't use the bathroom at a certain time, I would move out.

OP I am surprised what a hard time you are getting - rules seem very fair and I agree the important thing is that they were known before they decided to move in. Lodgers are very different to "flat or houseshare" ... It is YOUR place and he expects to have none of the hassle of maintaining it.... and you have the right NOT to have strangers in your space without agreeing to it ahead of time

I have done both and the fact that the relationship is so different is in the name - Lodgers get an easy life but need to recognise it is your place - Flat/houseshare is as it says - sharing, agreeing things in common, a more equal relationship

Minanka · 12/07/2018 14:16

Lights out at 10pm
You mean - no loud music and TV etc after 10pm, seems reasonable. Even private landlords usually stipulate this in tenancies.
restrictions over when you're allowed to have a shit
You make it sound as if OP has said "You may only shit between 11am-11.30am Monday-Wednesday, and 1pm-1.30pm ever other day. In reality, it's 15 mins a day, when OP is using the bathroom to get ready. I'm sure exceptions would be made on casenof emergency/illness.

aswell as asking permission to have a guest in the room you are paying for are not reasonable rules.
Seems reasonable. I wouldn't dream of bringing back someone as my guest without asking the person whose house I were living in.

Troika · 12/07/2018 14:17

Glintandglide so you’d be happy for your child to get up to go to the loo in the middle of the night and come face to face with some naked random person your lodger had picked up on a night out?

Girlfriends/boyfriends fine, there’s an expectation they’ll stay over some of the time but it’s not ok to bring a one night stand into my house where I have young children living.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/07/2018 14:20

@Lweji
Could you point me out to the lights out sentence. IE time stamp. I’ve reread the whole thread in case I missed a name change fail. Can’t find it.

Lweji · 12/07/2018 14:27

SandyFagina Thu 12-Jul-18 13:52:56
Lights out at 10pm

Lweji · 12/07/2018 14:27

It wasn't in the OP...

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/07/2018 14:29

Ok thanks from your comment I thought you meant op did say this. I saw the comment you’re referring to.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 12/07/2018 14:33

Girlfriends/boyfriends fine, there’s an expectation they’ll stay over some of the time but it’s not ok to bring a one night stand into my house where I have young children living

That cuts both ways though. I would not want to run into a landperson's fuckbuddy.

glintandglide · 12/07/2018 14:46

Troika I wouldn’t dream of having a lodger in a house young children reside in and would think rather negatively of any parent who did.

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