Are these rules for my lodger too harsh?

[southatsea]

I have a lodger but he has complained that my rules are too strict. So looking to canvas opinion on them!

No loud music or loud TV after 10pm
No smoking
Has to ask my permission before having friends to stay
Use of the bathroom, kitchen and living room but can't use the bathroom between 0645 and 0700 (when I need it to get ready for work)
Plates cutlery etc to be brought downstairs on the day they are used eg no hoarding in bedrooms.

Do these sound too harsh? His room is well furnished with a sofa, double bed, tv etc and I charge below market rent.

[TheCountessofFitzdotterel]

X post, just seen you added the plates and cups rule once it was clear he was not behaving like an adult.
If he is not ok with it then get rid.

[southatsea]

I do all of the cleaning and he has use of the shared areas. I've been a lodger before and wasn't allowed guests at all!

[seafret]

It is spelling out the obvious maybe so maybe comes across as petty and controlling to some people, but them some people need to have the obvious rules spelled out. (my noisy neighbours for eg)

All sound reasonable and necessary - but you could say evening plates could be brought down in the morning.

teachesofpeaches It isn't no TV, it is quiet TV!

[Excited0803]

"Has to ask my permission before having friends to stay" - sounds unreasonable; it's their home, an occasional visitor staying in their room shouldn't trouble you. A lot of the other rules sound pedantic; it's better to choose a lodger who you like, trust and get along with than set up longer and longer lists of rules. Setting yourself up as a leader where even your bathroom time takes precedence is weird.

Reminds me of a mental landlady I had for a few months in my youth. Actually it's spookily similar to her list. Er, do you have another rule about no washing machine after 8pm and is your name Jenny? It was awful living there as it could never feel like my home, then when I was moving out she said I'd damaged the flat because "there are knife marks on the chopping board". She then tried to keep this "damaged" chopping board and £200 deposit after I'd given her an exact £35 replacement for it from the same shop she bought it at. The "damaged" chopping board is still fine for us many many years later.

[Johnnyfinland]

Jesus. That sounds like house rules for a 13 year old. I can understand wanting him to let you know if he’s having a friend over but asking permission is a bit much! And if you both need to get ready at the same time of the morning, that’s kind of tough isn’t it? Why should he be the one to be late for work becayse he can’t shower when he needs to? If he wants to smoke do it outside, fair enough, but you can’t insist he quits completely. “Please keep the room tidy” is fine but insisting he must clear out all his crockery is a bit patronising, unless he’s hoarding all your plates and cutlery and you don’t have any. But you mentioned plastic forks, so I’m guessing you don’t even let him use your crockery which is pretty mean. I wouldn’t house share with you tbh

[Madonnasmum]

All sounds ok to me. If he dosnt like it he can go pay market rates and live like a pig somewhere else!

[Lotsofdigestives]

They’re rules you shouldn’t need I suppose, he shouldn’t leave plates in his room etc and in house shares a compromise has to be reached on bathroom timing as there’s usually a cross over of when people want to use it.
I mean it’s your house, a lodger isn’t the same as a flatmate. If he doesn’t like it...

[Justanotheruser01]

I own my house and me and my husband have house rules, hes out of the bathroom for 630am and doesnt go back in until 7am as i need to get ready.

[southatsea]

I don't know where I mentioned plastic cutlery?

I'm not sure if some people on the thread are getting confused between lodger and houseshare. I always thought that as a lodger you paid a bit less as there were more restrictions in place - unlike the tenancy agreement you don't 'own' the place whilst you live there?

[madcatladyforever]

Nothing wrong with that. I go to bed very early, work in the NHS and don't want to be woken up after 10 pm and I definitely don't want a houseful of my lodgers friends unless she asks, it's my home not a doss house.
I don't care what state her room is in and I don't go in there. If we run out of plates I'll ask her to bring them down.
I only have women living here, men make too much mess. I think your rules are perfectly reasonable.
I was too lax with a previous lodger and ended up with her biker friends constantly sleeping on my sofa and I had to ask that one to leave.

[Loopytiles]

Rules are reasonable IMO.

[seafret]

X post - the rules are clearly not harsh if he was hoarding plates and not working with you re the bathroom.

He sounds a bit anti-social to be honest. Its not you, its him!

[AnnieAnoniMoose]

I think you are doing the right thing having those rules if those things are important to you. It’s worse not to have the rules clearly laid out and either seethe or ‘have words’.

Tell him those are your rules, he can chose whether to stay or go - end of, because changing them would make you unhappy and it’s your house.

[ferntwist]

YANBU. Those rules sound totally fine to me, especially no loud music or TV late and bringing down dirty plates. You almost shouldn’t have to say. Get a woman lodger if he doesn’t like it, much more likely to be cleaner (although I’ve shared with some scummy women too).

[LoniceraJaponica]

I don't think I would want a lodger if I only had one bathroom.

[TistyTosty]

The rules are reasonable and fair and he knew them before moving in. Time for him to put up or move out!

[BigChocFrenzy]

Very reasonable rules for a lodger

This highlights the differences between lodger and tenant
If he doesn't like the rules, then he should rent or houseshare with people who are not their LL.

A lodger is sharing with the LL, so the LL has a right to know if strangers are coming to visit, especially in the evenings. They might be noisy, or even dodgy
If it's overnight, it increases the utility costs

[MaisyPops]

I always thought that as a lodger you paid a bit less as there were more restrictions in place - unlike the tenancy agreement you don't 'own' the place whilst you live there?
Yes, as in you can't bring back groups of friends or expect to have you and a large group hogging the front room telly all afternoon for sport etc.

Not that you house parent writes you a list of rules telling you when you must bring a cup downstairs.

[Ihuntmonsters]

It's not a house share. For a lodger who is basically renting a room to sleep in I think that your rules are pretty minimal really, and yes of course you need to have rules. No overnight visitors is pretty standard and use of the living room is relatively unusual.

I'd look for another tenant OP, charge market rate and not share your living room as it sounds like his room is pretty big. Although if you only have one bathroom (especially if no separate loo) that's a drawback.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

If they are rules that he thinks are unreasonable, then surely that makes it reasonable to have them?

Hoarding plates in his room is a no-no - is this the first time he's ever lived away from home?

As is the no smoking. Why would he think that he should be allowed to smoke in someone else's home? No guests over is a wee bit 'tight', but if he's likely to invite his entire friendship group to sit and drink until 2am then that's reasonable too.

In other words, it's hard to say without knowing what he 'might' do. There's a world of difference between a 22 year old gregarious bloke who smokes and games and works peculiar shifts and a 33 year old quiet bloke who's a bit of a loner and reads in his room most of the time.

[PeckhamPauline]

There's nothing wrong with the rules at all. Perhaps it's the way they're worded that got his back up.

[Johnnyfinland]

Sorry, thought you said plastic cutlery in your OP, my mistake

[AnnieAnoniMoose]

He doesn’t need to be late for work, he can use the bathroom prior to the OP. Even in a house share it’s common to have a bathroom roster to avoid morning hassles.

[BigChocFrenzy]

He obviously needs rules, as he was hoarding plates & cutlery, making the room stinky.
Many smokers have clothes which stink of smoke, even if they smoke outside, so that could make his room smell too

[PeckhamPauline]

Get a woman lodger if he doesn’t like it, much more likely to be cleaner

Not true, unfortunately.